Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens

Is your family stressed, anxious, and fixated on getting your teen into a "dream school"? What if that's the wrong goal entirely?

Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan revisit their conversation with Jeff Selingo, bestselling author and higher education expert, to reframe the process of searching for the “right” college. After more than 25 years of studying what actually helps students thrive in college, Jeff has a finding that may surprise you: it’s not where your teen goes to college that matters most—it’s how they engage once they’re there.

💡 YOU'LL LEARN:

- Why attending the most prestigious colleges doesn’t guarantee better outcomes

- Why belonging matters more than brand name — and what to actually look for when evaluating campus culture, mentorship, and fit

- How to have honest, early conversations about college costs, and why financial fit deserves just as much attention as academic fit

- Why the college search should be about your individual teen, not community expectations or rankings (and how to tune out the noise)

- What students can do at any college to maximize their success — and why how they show up matters more than where they enroll________________ GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠

DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

- Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠

- Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠

- The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠

UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP

Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠

VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠

________________

Today's sponsors:

Momentous: Get up to 35% off your first order with promo code ASKLISA at ⁠https://www.livemomentous.com⁠

Cozy Earth: Get 20% off your order with promo code ASKLISA ⁠https://cozyearth.com/

Understood: Check out Everyone Gets a Juice Box wherever you listen to podcasts.

Hero: Use promo code ASKLISA for 10% off your order at https://www.hero.co

________________

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens is the essential podcast for parents seeking expert guidance, tested strategies, and psychological insights on raising kids, especially tweens and teens. Join renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and former journalist and mom of two Reena Ninan as they explore real-life parenting challenges. Looking to learn more about how to boost kids’ resilience, build their confidence, or support their emotional well-being? Dr. Lisa and Reena have got you covered! Together they address listener questions about stress, anxiety, social media concerns, school pressures, and challenges in peer relationships. Each episode provides practical advice and science-backed solutions to help parents raise resilient, confident, and emotionally healthy kids. Tune in every week for the latest topics in parenting, child psychology, and family wellness. Get answers to your most pressing parenting questions. New episodes drop every Tuesday.

________________

Episode Keywords: choosing the right college for your teen, how to find the best college fit, college search for parents, college admissions stress parents, do AP classes matter for college, college prestige vs fit, are elite colleges worth it, college rankings myth, helping teens choose a college, college decision anxiety, plan B college options, paying for college without debt, college cost conversation with teens, college sense of belonging, college mentorship matters, new dream schools Jeff Selingo

Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If you feel like you're doing too much for your kids — and it’s time for them to do more for themselves — this episode is your roadmap out.

Dr. Lisa Damour makes the case for using summer to foster independence in our kids. The summer months provide the perfect window to hand off real responsibilities to your tween or teen in a way that actually sticks. From laundry to cooking dinner to managing their own appointments, this encore episode gives you a practical, step-by-step approach to raising a more capable kid.

💡 YOU'LL LEARN:

- Why summer is the single best time of year to teach independence — and how to take advantage of the slower pace before fall routines kick back in

- The four-step sequence for handing off any task — and how to adjust if your kid gets overwhelmed

- Why independence is just as good for kids as it is for parents — and how being genuinely counted on builds competence, purpose, and mental health

- How to respond to pushback and resistance without turning every chore into a negotiation

- How to use structured choice to get teens to actually buy in — and why letting them pick their responsibilities makes a bigger difference than you'd expect

 GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠

 DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

- Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠

- Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠

- The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠

 UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP

Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠

 VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠

________________

Today's sponsors:

Jones Road Beauty:  Use the code ASKLISA for a free full sized Mascara with your first purchase at ⁠https://www.jonesroadbeauty.com⁠.

LMNT: Receive a free 8-count Sample Pack of LMNT's most popular drink mix flavors with any purchase at https://drinklmnt.com/asklisa.

Task Rabbit: Get fifteen dollars off your first task using promo code ASKLISA with the Taskrabbit app or at ⁠https://www.taskrabbit.com.⁠

Rocket Money: Join at https://www/RocketMoney.com/ASKLISA

________________

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens is the essential podcast for parents seeking expert guidance, tested strategies, and psychological insights on raising kids, especially tweens and teens. Join renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and former journalist and mom of two Reena Ninan as they explore real-life parenting challenges.  Looking to learn more about how to boost kids’ resilience, build their confidence, or support their emotional well-being? Dr. Lisa and Reena have got you covered! Together they address listener questions about stress, anxiety, social media concerns, school pressures, and challenges in peer relationships. Each episode provides practical advice and science-backed solutions to help parents raise resilient, confident, and emotionally healthy kids. Tune in every week for the latest topics in parenting, child psychology, and family wellness. Get answers to your most pressing parenting questions. New episodes drop every Tuesday.

________________

Episode keywords: summer independence for kids, summer chores for teens, teaching teens responsibility, how to get teens to help at home, chores for tweens list, age appropriate chores for teens, getting kids to do chores without yelling, parenting tweens independence, parenting teens independence, helping teens be more responsible, summer routine for teens, how to raise independent teens, teaching kids life skills, kids doing laundry, getting kids to cook dinner, natural consequences for teens, chore ideas for tweens and teens, kids resisting chores, how to stop doing everything for your kids, building kids confidence through responsibility

Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Does your teen seem more attached to their friends and their phone than to you? That's not just a feeling, and it's not a phase you have to wait out.

Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan revisit their conversation with two of the world's leading experts on child development, globally renowned physician and author Dr. Gabor Maté, and developmental psychologist and author Dr. Gordon Neufeld, to address how parents can stay connected to their teens, even as they spread their wings. This is one of our most-watched episodes ever on YouTube, and we think you'll understand why.

💡 YOU'LL LEARN:

- Why "healthy teenage rebellion" is mostly a myth — and what's actually happening when your teen pulls toward peers and away from you

- Why love and good intentions aren't enough on their own — and why a strong attachment bond is the only real delivery system for your care and influence

- How to read behavior problems as relationship problems — and why changing the relationship, not just the behavior, is where real progress happens

- Why warmth and curiosity are more powerful than consequences and control — and what "collect them before you direct them" actually looks like in family life

- How unchecked digital media can disrupt your teen's attachment to you — and what parents can do to strengthen their relationship with their kids

Drs. Neufeld and Maté have spent a combined 70-plus years studying what children need most from the adults who love them. They are co-authors of the book “Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers.” This conversation distills their wisdom into something every parent of a tween or teen can use today.

________________

GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠

 DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

- Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠

- Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠

- The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠

 UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP

Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠

 VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠

________________

Today's sponsors:

LMNT: Receive a free 8-count Sample Pack of LMNT's most popular drink mix flavors with any purchase at https://drinklmnt.com/asklisa.

Unwaffle: Use the promo code ASK LISA to get 15% off your first order at https://www.eatunwaffle.com.

Goodr: Get $10 off your first order at https://www.goodr.com/ASKLISA

Caraway: 10% off your next order with promo code ASKLISA at ⁠https://www.carawayhome.com/asklisa⁠

________________

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens is the essential podcast for parents seeking expert guidance, tested strategies, and psychological insights on raising kids, especially tweens and teens. Join renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and former journalist and mom of two Reena Ninan as they explore real-life parenting challenges.  Looking to learn more about how to boost kids’ resilience, build their confidence, or support their emotional well-being? Dr. Lisa and Reena have got you covered! Together they address listener questions about stress, anxiety, social media concerns, school pressures, and challenges in peer relationships. Each episode provides practical advice and science-backed solutions to help parents raise resilient, confident, and emotionally healthy kids. Tune in every week for the latest topics in parenting, child psychology, and family wellness. Get answers to your most pressing parenting questions. New episodes drop every Tuesday.

________________

Episode keywords: teen pulling away from parents, teen withdrawal from family, how to connect with my teenager, teen prefers friends over family, teen glued to phone what to do, peer pressure vs parent influence, rebuild relationship with teen, attachment parenting teens, how to discipline without punishment, teenager always on social media, digital addiction in teens, teen rebellion not listening, parent teen connection, staying close to your teen, hold on to your kids summary

Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If your child has been diagnosed with ADHD (or you suspect they might have it) this episode will change the way you see them.

Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena Ninan revisit their candid, funny, and genuinely moving conversation with Penn and Kim Holderness — viral content creators, bestselling authors, podcasters, and authors of “ADHD is Awesome: A Guide to (Mostly) Thriving With ADHD.”

Together, they strip away the shame, explain what it really feels like to have ADHD, and give parents a practical, strengths-based roadmap for helping their kids thrive at home and at school.

💡 YOU'LL LEARN:

- Why shame about having ADHD can be more damaging than the ADHD itself — and how to talk with your child about their diagnosis from a place of love, not frustration

- How ADHD can actually be a strength, and why its "abundance of attention" can fuel creativity, originality, and problem-solving when properly supported

- Why medication alone isn't enough — and the systems, routines, and relationships that make the real difference in long-term thriving

- How ADHD shows up differently in girls and women, and why so many are missed, masked, and struggling until much later in life

- How to advocate for your child's accommodations at school and why an early, accurate diagnosis can be life-changing

________________

 GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠

 DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

- Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠

- Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠

- The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠

 UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP

Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠

 VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠

________________

Today's sponsors:

LMNT: Receive a free 8-count Sample Pack of LMNT's most popular drink mix flavors with any purchase at https://drinklmnt.com/asklisa.

Mill: $75 off with your membership code ASKLISA at ⁠https://www.mill.com/asklisa⁠.

Momentous: Get up to 35% off your first order with promo code ASKLISA at ⁠https://www.livemomentous.com⁠

Shopify: Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at ⁠https://www.shopify.com/asklisa⁠

________________

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens is the essential podcast for parents seeking expert guidance, tested strategies, and psychological insights on raising kids, especially tweens and teens. Join renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and former journalist and mom of two Reena Ninan as they explore real-life parenting challenges.  Looking to learn more about how to boost kids’ resilience, build their confidence, or support their emotional well-being? Dr. Lisa and Reena have got you covered! Together they address listener questions about stress, anxiety, social media concerns, school pressures, and challenges in peer relationships. Each episode provides practical advice and science-backed solutions to help parents raise resilient, confident, and emotionally healthy kids. Tune in every week for the latest topics in parenting, child psychology, and family wellness. Get answers to your most pressing parenting questions. New episodes drop every Tuesday.

________________

Episode keywords: adhd in teens, adhd in tweens, adhd parenting tips, adhd emotional dysregulation, adhd shame in kids, how to talk to child about adhd, adhd evaluation for kids, adhd diagnosis teen, adhd and school accommodations, adhd executive function, adhd and anxiety in teens, adhd mom support, adhd dad support, partner has adhd, adhd in girls and boys, adhd relationships family, adhd is awesome book, adhd strengths based, adhd overwhelm tween, adhd meltdown help, adhd big emotions, adhd creative strengths, adhd family strategies, adhd medication and coaching

Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

If watching "Adolescence" on Netflix left you feeling worried about your son, this episode will help you turn your concerns into action.

Dr. Lisa Damour breaks down what the show gets exactly right about adolescent boys: why they're emotionally constrained by culture, how that vulnerability gets exploited by toxic online figures like Andrew Tate, and what parents can do right now to connect with their sons. This is our most-watched episode ever on YouTube — and we think you'll understand why.

💡 YOU'LL LEARN:

- Why boys are often only "allowed" to express anger and pleasure at others’ expense 

- How feelings of inferiority in middle school can make boys uniquely vulnerable to toxic influencers who offer them a shortcut to feeling powerful

- Why modeling emotional honesty is one of the most protective things a father can do — and why moms alone can't close this gap

- How toxic and misogynistic content finds boys through algorithms, even when kids aren't looking for it — and the concrete steps parents can take to intervene

- How to watch "Adolescence" with your teen and use it to start a real conversation built on curiosity and care, not fear and anxiety

With Father's Day around the corner, there's no better time to revisit this episode.

________________

 GET DR. DAMOUR'S FREE WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

Guidance, strategies, and tips delivered straight to your inbox → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/sign-up-for-my-newsletter/⁠

 DR. DAMOUR'S BESTSELLING BOOKS

- Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood – ⁠https://bit.ly/UntangledBook⁠

- Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls – ⁠https://bit.ly/UnderPressuretheBook⁠

- The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents – ⁠https://a.co/d/cbOmTKp⁠

 UNTANGLING 10TO20 MEMBERSHIP

Premium courses & resources for teens and the adults who care for them → ⁠https://lnkd.in/gr52MB-F⁠

 VISIT DR. LISA'S WEBSITE → ⁠https://drlisadamour.com/⁠

________________

Today's sponsors:

OneSkin: Use the code ASKLISA for 15% off your next purchase at ⁠https://www.oneskin.co/ASKLISA⁠.

iRestore: Receive discounts on their red light therapy devices at ⁠https://www.irestore.com/⁠

Understood: Check out Everyone Gets a Juice Box wherever you listen to podcasts.

Hero: Use promo code ASKLISA for 10% off your order at https://www.hero.com.

________________

Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Raising Tweens & Teens is the essential podcast for parents seeking expert guidance, tested strategies, and psychological insights on raising kids, especially tweens and teens. Join renowned clinical psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour and former journalist and mom of two Reena Ninan as they explore real-life parenting challenges.  Looking to learn more about how to boost kids’ resilience, build their confidence, or support their emotional well-being? Dr. Lisa and Reena have got you covered! Together they address listener questions about stress, anxiety, social media concerns, school pressures, and challenges in peer relationships. Each episode provides practical advice and science-backed solutions to help parents raise resilient, confident, and emotionally healthy kids. Tune in every week for the latest topics in parenting, child psychology, and family wellness. Get answers to your most pressing parenting questions. New episodes drop every Tuesday.

________________

Episode keywords: parenting teen boys, raising adolescent boys, helping teen boys with emotions, teen boy mental health, middle school boy struggles, boys and anger issues, dads and sons relationship, father son communication, teaching boys to talk about feelings, breaking toxic masculinity, boys and online misogyny, Andrew Tate influence on boys, protecting kids from social media, teen cyberbullying help, Netflix Adolescence series, discussing difficult shows with teens, helping non athletic sons, building teen self worth

Podcast keywords: ask lisa podcast, dr lisa damour, reena ninan, psychology, parenting, podcast, teens, tweens, parenting teens, parenting tweens, teen parenting, tween parenting, parenting tips, parenting advice, positive parenting, parenting podcast, teen behavior, tween challenges, raising tweens, raising teens, parenting hacks, parenting help, family dynamics, kids podcast, mental health, teen mental health, attachment styles, emotional intelligence
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices