Human & Holy

Human & Holy is on a season break for the rest of the summer! During this time, we're airing your favorite moments from the past few seasons.

In today's excerpt with Jackie Glaser, we cover spiritual bypassing, noticing the patterns that keep showing up in our lives, cultivating self-worth and self-trust, navigating rejection, our flaws as filters while dating, recognizing that matchmakers do not have control over people's future when navigating the shidduch system, and strengthening our trust in God.

To watch the full episode this excerpt is from, click here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=243HxQfOx9E
To contact Jackie or learn more about her courses, you can find her at jackieglaser.com or find Jackie on Instagram: datingbyjackieg

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To inquire about sponsorship & advertising opportunities, please email us at info@humanandholy.com
To support our work, visit humanandholy.com/sponsor.
Find us on Instagram @humanandholy & subscribe to our channel to stay up to date on all our upcoming conversations ✨
Human & Holy podcast is available on all podcast streaming platforms. New episodes every Sunday & Wednesday on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Google Podcasts.

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TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 Spiritual bypassing
2:04 How our patterns are signposts from Hashem, not punishments
3:07 Why we avoid taking responsibility, and turn anxiety into blaming Hashem instead
5:27 Going inward with compassionate curiosity instead of judgment
7:11 Turning to G-d as an escape hatch
7:21 Normalizing the pattern before moving forward
9:08 Self-trust as the real foundation behind who you marry
9:17 The somatic work begins: tuning into the body as a source of real data
12:45 Surrendering
14:23 Clearing subconscious blockage to make more room for closeness with Hashem
16:13 How our internal beliefs get projected onto strangers
17:35 Why healing the felt state dissolves the belief system underneath it
18:58 How the fear of rejection actually dissolves with this work
20:42 "I reject myself" — the most important relationship you'll ever build is with you
22:23 Disability or flaws as a filter in dating, not a disqualifier
24:05 Boundaries with matchmakers
25:44 When parents choose to "play the game" with a difficult shadchan for their child's sake
26:27 Hashem was never limited to a shadchan

A conversation about women's health & Jewish law, the more sensitive questions hidden behind women's seemingly straightforward halachic questions, how the concept of a Yoetzet Halacha came about, the difference between a halachic ruling and halachic advice, why the advice of "don't look at the toilet paper" can sometimes do more harm than good, the evolution of halachic thinking on IVF, the medical red flags that can be associated with "halachic infertility", the questions Dena gets most often, the ones that break her heart, and the ones that surprise her the most. 

Dena Block is the Co-Director of Nishmat's Miriam Glaubach Center. Previously, she served as the Center's Associate Director and as a Yoetzet Halacha for several congregations throughout the tri-state area. She taught Gemara and Halacha at Ma'ayanot Yeshiva High School for Girls in Teaneck, NJ, where she also served as Director of Admissions. A graduate of the first class of Nishmat's Miriam Glaubach Center's U.S. Yoatzot Halacha Fellows Program, Dena worked on numerous MGC initiatives to broaden the impact of of Yoatzot Halacha before joining the Center full-time in 2021. Dena lives in Raanana with her husband and 5 children and can be reached at Dena@afnishmat.org
[00:00] Welcome Dena Block 
[01:00] Meeting women where they're at
[01:50] Defining the term "Yoetzet Halacha" (women's halachic advisor)
[02:48] The origin story: why the role was created
[03:30] How women were being more stringent on themselves in silence, not more lenient — and the health/marital cost of that silence
[04:24] Why more questions asked = more comfort, not less trust in rabbinic authority
[05:00] How a Yoetzet answers — always with context, not just yes/no, to empower future understanding
[05:48] The "question behind the question" — when the real issue isn't the halachic one
[05:52] Example: a woman asking to go to mikvah early — the real story underneath
[07:44] How that extra context changes the answer a posek gives
[08:11] Story: a woman whose ongoing staining was actually a birth control issue 
[10:15] Defining the boundary between a Yoetzet and a rav/posek
[11:06] What "psak" actually means vs. general halachic knowledge
[12:00] Judgment calls vs. established rulings 
[12:16] Should women be taught to examine their own bedikah cloths? 
[16:27] The bigger question — why can't a woman hold a halachic ruling position?
[18:23] The humility and reverence in deepened knowledge
[20:47] How halacha creates unusual bodily attunement
[24:41] Why "don't look at the toilet paper" is advice Dena wants retired 
[27:36] What IVF is and the original halachic concerns when it emerged
[28:11] The concern over hashchatat zera (wasting seed) and how sperm collection is handled
[29:36] How halachic opinion evolved as the technology became safer and more regulated
[32:54] Common misconceptions about halachic infertility
[34:34] Why a very short cycle can be a medical red flag, not just a halachic inconvenience 
[35:22] Halachic literacy often reveals underlying health issues
[35:23] Why unexplained staining should always prompt a doctor visit, even when it's halachically minor
[37:08] Misconceptions around halacha and sexuality
[38:53] The most common question Dina receives 
[39:35] The hardest questions — women asking about mikvah while heading toward divorce
[40:31] The range of what women are carrying — infertility, loss, mental health, marital strain
[40:48] What makes Dina feel hopeful — when a woman expects "no" and hears "yes"
[41:43] Witnessing halachic commitment and sacrifice
[42:00] The number one thing women struggle with in this mitzvah — physical separation and lack of touch, more than the absence of sex itself
[43:25] How the separation period affects men too, not just women
[44:03] The biggest friction point between couples — the story of a woman who lied about her niddah status to avoid intimacy
[46:26] Most unexpected mikvah locations
[47:23] Closing question

A conversation about the gritty, messy experience of faith when the things you want are not a "not yet" but a "no", life as a mother of five adopted children while grieving a permanent infertility diagnosis, why sometimes we need to stop waiting for a miracle, trying again and being told “no” again by God after 20 years of accepting, the impact of life setbacks on marriage and being willing to get support, the spiritual framework that makes Chavie's faith possible, and choosing to live with joy even when life doesn’t go as planned.

Chavie Bruk is the host of Totally Unexpected!, a podcast featuring long-form interviews that uncover the one unexpected moment that shaped her guests’ lives. She is the author of a weekly blog on Substack, a sought-after public speaker, and a passionate advocate for adoption and infertility awareness. She and her husband are the directors of Chabad-Lubavitch of Montana, where they have spent nearly two decades building Jewish life out west and are the parents of five adopted children. She is an avid reader, traveler, fitness and health enthusiast, and endlessly curious about this messy ride we all call life.

Listen to Totally Unexpected! wherever you get your podcasts and read her blog at www.totallyunexpected.blog.

Chavie can be reached on Instagram @chaviebruk or by email at
chaviebruk@gmail.com
To inquire about sponsorship & advertising opportunities, please email us at info@humanandholy.com
To support our work, visit humanandholy.com/sponsor.

00:00 Introducing Chavie Bruk
02:52 Chavie introduces herself
04:23 Seasons of family vs. seasons of community service
08:39 Why she lets her community see the harder parts of her life
10:42 Permanent infertility diagnosis
15:33 Choosing to live fully inside the hardest years instead of just surviving them
17:22 The "why me" question — and how it eventually became "how"
20:11 Acceptance isn't linear — re-accepting the same grief at a deeper layer, years later
22:50 Holding grief and gratitude at the same time
23:09 Her unconventional relationship to miracles — the decision she made on her 30th birthday
26:02 When spiritual belief becomes spiritual bypassing — and how to tell the difference
29:12 On waiting: traveling with a child with special needs instead of waiting for "someday"
34:00 Living in the thick of life — why she started her podcast without waiting for it to be easier
35:25 The toll hard circumstances take on a marriage — and the stigma around therapy
40:24 Learning your couple's "trigger dance," and the tools that actually hold a marriage together
51:04Turning a canceled marriage-counseling slot into a standing weekly coffee date
53:16What it actually looks like to grieve a life that didn't turn out how you expected
54:11 The twinge she feels when someone close to her gets pregnant — and giving it room instead of shame
58:56 The story she's never said out loud before: a new fertility possibility reopens after 20 years
1:00:09 Saying no, then yes, then the test — and the result
1:02:20 "Why did You do that?" — wrestling openly with Hashem after the door closed again
1:04:38 What her therapist helped her see: this wasn't a setback, it was another layer of healing
1:07:07 "That's not my story" — choosing what this experience gets to mean
1:11:14 Not every "not yet" is a not-yet — sometimes it's a no, and that's its own form of faith
1:13:33 Faith isn't feeling good when things go well — it's staying okay when they don't
1:14:22 Why she teaches Tanya — the mechanics of the spiritual world as grounding, not platitude
1:17:18 Living in the present moment as the antidote to shame about the past and fear of the future
1:22:36 Real bitachon isn't toxic positivity — Hashem wants your anger too, not just your best behavior
1:24:47 What "messy" actually looks like behind a polished, recorded conversation
1:26:35 Knowing your own constitution — why she's "fire," not Zen, and why that's not a flaw to fix
1:28:03 Rapid fire & outro

I recently opened a box of my middle school journals, and found the question that has followed me for nearly twenty years: could I honestly call myself a chossid of a Rebbe I had never met?

In honor of Gimmel Tammuz, the anniversary of the Lubavitcher Rebbe's passing, I explore some of the questions that have gnawed at me for as long as I can remember: Should my relationship to the Rebbe be defined by longing? Am I fundamentally missing out on a nostalgic, golden age of Chabad if I never met him? What distinct message did the Rebbe have for a generation with a strong emphasis on the self? Is our determination to feel deeply "aligned" with our life choices a flaw, or a gift? Was the Rebbe passing on the baton, and if yes, to who?

Drawing on a community survey and a close reading of V'atah Tetzaveh, this episode explores the generational shift the Rebbe himself outlined, what a relationship shaped by ignition, not loss, might look like, and how the Rebbe encouraged each person to step into their mission, to embrace the specificity of their identities and be the unique, unrepeatable messengers of Hashem the world is waiting for.

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To inquire about sponsorship & advertising opportunities, please email us at info@humanandholy.com

To support our work, visit humanandholy.com/sponsor.

Find us on Instagram @humanandholy & subscribe to our channel to stay up to date on all our upcoming conversations ✨

Human & Holy podcast is available on all podcast streaming platforms. New episodes every Sunday & Wednesday on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Google Podcasts.

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TIMESTAMPS:

00:00 Finding my middle school journals

01:33 "Do we have the right to call ourselves a Chossid?"

04:00 Should I yearn for the physical presence of a Rebbe I never met?

06:00 Growing up on shlichus in Houston, TX

08:30 The enormous grief of Gimmel Tammuz

10:30 The community survey about the Rebbe

12:00 The message from the Rebbe that changed people's lives

13:15 Would you call yourself a chossid?

14:30 The final piece of the Torah the Rebbe distributed

15:30 Generation of self-sacrifice vs. religious freedom

17:55 Exploring V'atah Tetzaveh

19:30 What is higher than self-sacrifice?

21:36 Why connect to a Tzadik?

24:00 This generation's power

27:00 The specificity of who you are is your mission

30:00 Every person can be a Rebbe

33:00 When the Rebbe passed on the baton

35:58 Am I a follower of the Lubavitcher Rebbe?

37:48 The vision of Moshiach

38:50 Outro

An honest, joyful, and deeply practical conversation about Jewish parenting. We talk about how to genuinely infuse your home with love of Judaism, what to do when you want to teach a value you don't fully keep yourself, the difference between an inherited Judaism and discovered Judaism, how to see every child as an individual, and what to do when your child doesn't fit the school system. We explore confidence-building for kids who struggle academically or socially, the balance between school and home, and why the home is more powerful than we give it credit for. We also talk about technology and eye contact, parenting without controlling, and how to stay open to who your child is actually becoming.

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Mrs. Elisheva Segelman is a respected educator, mentor, and community leader whose warmth, wisdom, and dedication have impacted students, families, and community members across a wide range of settings. She currently serves as the Program Director at Yavneh Hebrew Academy in Los Angeles and as the Mashgicha Ruchanit for the middle school girls, where she is known for her ability to inspire meaningful personal growth, cultivate strong relationships, and help students develop a deep connection to Torah and Jewish values.
Mrs. Segelman also serves as the Rebbetzin of the Young Israel of Hancock Park, where she plays an active role in supporting and enriching the spiritual life of the community. A highly sought-after kallah teacher, she has guided countless brides with sensitivity, wisdom, and genuine care. During the summer months, she serves as the Director of Orah Day Camp in Far Rockaway, New York, where she oversees a thriving camp program and mentors both campers and staff.
Together with her husband, Rabbi Elan Segelman, Mrs. Segelman has served Jewish communities in both New York and Los Angeles. Rabbi and Mrs. Segelman are the proud parents of six children. Contact her at segelmanelisheva@gmail.com

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To inquire about sponsorship & advertising opportunities, please email us at info@humanandholy.com

To support our work, visit humanandholy.com/sponsor.

Find us on Instagram @humanandholy & subscribe to our channel to stay up to date on all our upcoming conversations ✨
Human & Holy podcast is available on all podcast streaming platforms. New episodes every Sunday & Wednesday on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and Google Podcasts.
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TIMESTAMPS:
0:00 Host's Intro
1:44 Introducing Elisheva Segelman
4:22 Parenting with the long view — seeing your child as a future adult
6:58 Transparency and authenticity at home
9:19 What if you hate Pesach? Finding the Jewish joy you actually feel
13:23 Is it hypocrisy? Teaching a value you don't fully keep yourself
17:39 The Finding Nemo story: what we expose children to leaves a mark
21:00 The power of your home: what you fill it with is yours to choose
23:18 Family pride and identity as a vessel for Judaism
27:11 Inherited Judaism vs. discovered Judaism
30:17 Seeing past your child's grades and struggles
32:36 The teacher who changed everything
35:10 "Just because you failed a class doesn't mean you're a failure as a human"
38:42 Choosing the right school for your specific child
45:14 "You are fingerprinting the world with the next generation of humans"
52:37 School vs. home — where does the real education happen?
57:13 Social struggles — what every child needs to know
59:32 Eye contact, technology, and what our children are actually asking for
1:02:56 Staying open to who your child becomes
1:05:31 Three practical things to infuse your home with Judaism
1:10:52 It's never too late to change course
1:12:32 Building your support system as a parent
1:15:01 Soul to soul message
1:16:00 The "feel good folder" and surrounding yourself with the right people