NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

If you’re trying to set boundaries with a narcissist and it keeps turning into an argument, you’re not doing it wrong — you’re just dealing with someone who treats your boundary like a debate.

In this episode, I’m breaking down why explaining yourself often makes things worse with toxic people, how over-explaining becomes emotional ammunition, and what to say instead so your boundary is short, clear, and unshakable.

You’ll learn how to stop trying to be understood by someone committed to misunderstanding you — and start protecting your peace in a way that actually works.

Your Next Step in Healing
If you’re ready to stop over-explaining, hold the line without guilt, and build boundaries that actually stick, coaching is where we do this together in real life — with real scripts, real support, and real nervous system safety.

✨ 3-Month Coaching Container
Focused support to stabilize your nervous system, strengthen boundaries, and begin rebuilding peace and self-trust.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

✨ 6-Month Coaching Container
Extended support to deepen the work, practice boundaries in real life, and integrate new patterns with consistency.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

✨ 12-Month Coaching Container
Long-term mentorship and steady support while you rebuild your identity, raise your standards, and create a life that finally feels like yours.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Additional Support & Resources
✨ Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free): https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
✨ Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts: https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/
✨ Empowered Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
✨ Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

Contact
[email protected]

Coming Up Next
More tools for high-conflict communication, protecting your peace, and staying grounded when toxic people push back.

 

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Where did I go? I can't see myself. All right, there we go. Hello people, Queens, hope you are doing very well and we're getting into the new year now. It's kind of a crazy place out here in the United States. I'll put a pin on that one and we'll talk about the narcissists of the world. All right, we're going to talk about boundaries today. All right. So if you keep trying to explain your boundary in the perfect way, hoping they'll finally get it, this episode is your wake up call because with a narcissist, more explanation doesn't create more understanding. It actually creates more ammunition. So today I will break down why explaining yourself actually backfires and exactly what to say instead.

(00:54)
Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen. This one's for you. All right. So welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. I'm Christie Jade. And today we're going to talk about one of the biggest traps women fall into when they're trying to set boundaries with a narcissist. Explaining, overexplaining, clarifying, defending, and oh, the favorite justifying. So basically giving the full TED Talk to someone who already ... He's decided, she or he has decided to misunderstand you. So why explaining yourself actually makes it work? Worse. So what most women believe, if I can just say it the right way, they'll respect it. But with a narcissist, boundaries are not treated like information. They're almost treated like a challenge. So when you explain, they don't hear, "Oh, she's communicating.

(02:09)
How lovely." No. They hear, "Oh, good. Time for a negotiation," and they love a good negotiation, don't they? Or even worse, they may think, "Oh, good. A list of the exact emotional buttons to push for this specific individual." You're kind of giving yourself away. So the difference between healthy people and narcissists with a healthy person, an explanation leads to understanding. Clarity leads to connection. A boundary leads to adjusting things in the relationship, right? But with a narcissist, the explanation leads to a debate. Have you had that one happen? Yeah, me too. Clarity leads to them finding loopholes and a boundary leads to punishment. They don't like boundaries, right? So they are going to do what a narcissist loves to do, which is punish anybody who goes against what they want 100%, which when you set a boundary, that's you saying, "I'm not going to just throw myself at everything you tell me to do your way or the highway," and they don't like that.

(03:28)
So if you've been feeling like, no matter what I say, it turns into a fight, you're not failing, right? It's not you. You're just using healthy communication to what? An unsafe person.

(03:43)
So you are trying to do it the right way. Setting healthy boundaries with a healthy person leads to healthy results. But when you are trying to set healthy boundaries with an unhealthy person, an unsafe person, you don't have those same results, unfortunately. So here are the boundary phrases that can shut it down. So when you're dealing with a narcissist or someone who's toxic, your boundary has to be short, calm, and closed. Okay? So here's three scripts you can use right away. One, that doesn't work for me. No extra details, no defense, no overexplaining, no justifying. That doesn't work for me. It's closed. The end is closed. Doesn't work. We don't need to go in all the nitty-gritty of why and how. Okay? Number two, I'm not available for that. Not rude, not emotional, just final. I'm not available for that. You don't have to say it's seething.

(04:50)
You don't have to have a bite to it. I know we like to do that because we're so angry sometimes, right? Don't take the bait. They love a good reaction. I'm not available for that. And number three, this is one of my favorite, personal favorites. I've made my decision. This one is like queen energy, prayer, right? I've made my decision. There's no wiggle room in this. You don't say that. I'm just saying this is so you know this is your truth. This is something you're stating and it's just a fact. You have made your decision and you're owning that power. And if they push, you repeat that same sentence again. I just had this conversation with one of my clients last week. She said, "Well, I said this. " And he kept pushing. I said, "You repeat it. You repeat it again?" And then you get out.

(05:44)
I mean, if you're on the phone, they were on the phone. So let's say you're saying, "I've made my decision." And he says, "Well, but I really want another chance. And what if we, can we just meet up for just hear me out for five minutes? I've made my decision." Blah, blah. After that, after the second one, I'm out. You want to give it a third for whatever reason you can, don't do more than three. I'd say two, and then you're out and say, "I need to go now." That's it. It's not rude. They're being rude by pushing your boundaries when you're trying to set boundaries. So repetition can be the actual boundary. So what not to say, even though if it's tempting, and this is the part that can keep you trapped in this cycle with boundary pushers. I'm just trying to help you understand, trying to understand your boundary.

(06:40)
These are grown people. They get it. They don't want to get it. You just have to repeat it. Or I feel like you're misunderstanding me because guess what? We hate to be misunderstood. If I could jump through the screen or your little earbuds, that'd be creepy and give you just a hug because this part, man, I can still feel that feeling of just so not wanting to be misunderstood, like the trigger of that, that visceral response when you have been affected by a narcissist in such a deep way that being misunderstood is like this fear that can play out in other parts of your life, but especially with this narcissist, let's say you're co-parenting or it's your parent, and this is someone who has already pushed that sensitive spot over and over again, maybe created it in you, right?

(07:36)
That being misunderstood feeling sucks. So I get it. And we try to help them understand us because we can't stand to be looked at how they say they're viewing us, made out to be the bad person, made out to be a person who doesn't care or isn't ... They'll flip it almost like because you're setting a boundary, you're cold and hard and you're not flexible and you're not willing to do this, right? They'll mind F you. So you feel like you need to explain, "Well, no, it's not that. I just write no explaining anymore." And this is a transition, right? This is why we do the one-on-one work to not just get the coaching with me, but also the somatic healing that starts from the body. And that's where you can actually really feel those shifts where it will become comfortable organically through those somatic healing work where you get to feel okay saying nothing, not having to explain yourself, right?

(08:41)
Not having to say the next one is, "Let me explain just one more time. Let me explain." No, you're going to get real comfortable with not having to explain shit, okay? So that's the doorway back to chaos. The overexplaining, they know they have you then. That's what they want. They want the control. And when you explain yourself, you justify yourself, you beg for them to just hear you out, to understand you. That is all exactly what they want and it shows that you have lost power and you're a queen, so we're going to get our power back. So the secret, boundaries aren't about convincing. There's no convincing. You're just setting them. What they do with that is up to them, right? Boundaries are not this presentation. They're a position. And the moment you stop trying to be understood by someone committed to misunderstanding you, they're committed to it.

(09:42)
They are. And they're not really ... It's a very complex thing, and we go into that more in my one-on-one work, but they're committed to at least putting a front of misunderstanding you, even if they do understand you. They're fabulous at that. But you get your power back then when you stop trying to be understood. So if you are setting boundaries with a narcissist, explaining invites negotiation, and then the negotiation invites the manipulation, which you know they do. And short and final, those little examples I gave you, that is what protects your peace, and that's the goal here. Boundaries are for your protection and for your peace. So next time you feel the urge to write the paragraph on email or text, say this instead. "That doesn't work for me. I'm not available for that or I've made my decision and breathe and it feels powerful.

(10:53)
It's very empowering. And the more you do it, the more natural it feels and mixed with the somatic healing, girl, girl, you're on fire. This girl is on fire. "Remember that one? All right. So if you do want help setting boundaries without guilt, without the spiraling, without getting pulled back into the fight, you have options. I have Empowered Boundaries course, which is awesome. That's self-paced. If you want something self-paced, it is 10 videos. They drip out once a week for you and you have them for life. Or if you want to do that customized healing journey that is longer, very transformational. And we have a Zoom call once a week that's one-on-one with yours truly. And that's where you get to say," I'm in this specific situation. Obviously I'm teaching how to set boundaries, and we're also doing the somatic work on top of it.

(11:55)
"So it is double the fun, double the power. So that's always in my show notes, the ways to work with me, including the boundaries course. There is a freebie boundaries pocket guide. If you haven't got that, that's in there. And then my three, six, and 12 month options for working one-on-one with me. That's like, you want the pow-pow boo-dow journey of healing. You know what I mean? All right. So check the links in the show notes and I will help you hold the line and keep the peace with your boundaries, right?

(12:36)
That's about it. Anything else? I'm trying to think. I have no major updates. Oh, I did start acupuncture. I mentioned that last week that I was going to do it, I believe, right? It was the night before. Yeah. So I did that. First of all, crazy results. My feminine life every month is absolutely horrendous. It's been like that kind of my whole life. And then I went through a leap procedure, my pre-cancer cells, my cervix. This is so fun and TMI, by the way. Queen's talk. But I'm so impressed with what happened. So I got acupuncture.

(13:18)
She was just kind of rebalancing my stuff. I don't think there was a specific thing for the monthly, though she knew about it. I'm going to ask her tomorrow I'm going back. But though my period was still not light, I'll say that. I'm trying to be a little not gross about this. The cramps were almost nonexistent. And I'm telling you guys, if you knew the pain I go through every month, that's insane. I was waiting, waiting. I'm like, "What's happening? "Because it was getting heavier and heavier. And I'm like, " Where's the pain? "Because usually as it gets heavier, it gets worse and worse, the pain, right? It was crazy to the point I wasn't even taking my Tylenol. I can't take Advil, which sucks. I wasn't taking my Tylenol. I slept through the night. Usually I have to set an alarm in the middle of the night for two, three nights to help with the pain even overnight, because I'll wake up in pain.

(14:19)
That's how bad it is. And I didn't have to take it overnight. In the morning, once there was a slight cramp, it was crazy. So I don't know what freaking magic happened in only one session. I wasn't expecting it. It's not even like placebo, which that would take a lot of placebo effect to not feel the cramps I feel, but I wasn't even expecting that at all because it was more of just like a balance. And they say it takes multiple sessions to improve your period, but she didn't even mention working on my period. So I think just the rebalance, something happened and that's it. So that's the update on acupuncture. If you've ever done it, let me know. You can even email me. I always have my email in the show notes, fearsmamase@gmail. You can write me your experience, good or bad. I'd love to hear it.

(15:23)
And what else? These boundaries, they're your weapon. They're your weapon and they are how to get your power back and you deserve that. So if you have any questions ever, email me, please join my Facebook group. I know I have some people waiting in there I have to approve. I go through and look at every single person's to make sure it's safe for everyone. So sometimes there's a little delay. I'm sorry if you applied to get in there or submitted your thing and it's not approved yet. I was a very busy lady this weekend. We had a little holiday weekend and happy MLK day, by the way. And so I was not working this weekend and Monday because it was a long weekend and I just have not been in there. It's been a busy time. So I will try to approve those tomorrow. But if you are not in that group, go check it out.

(16:18)
It's a private Facebook group, women like you, and chat it up in there. Chat it on up with your fellow ladies. Let me make sure. Oh my gosh. Can you imagine if this wasn't recording? Okay. I just looked at my screen. By the way, if you don't know, I'm also on YouTube. So that's why I say looking at the screen, this is recorded video. You can see all the fun behind me. My husband's weird movie. What are they? Movie posters. I think there's some Star Wars back there. Got little my daughter's little stuffed animal, squish mellow looking thing. All the fun. And my pink, fuzzy microphone. And I don't have a stitch of makeup on today, which I rarely get on camera like this, but oh well. Oh, I got my hair done this weekend, actually. Look at that. I got it chopped off. I cut it right below my shoulder and it's a little darker for the winter.

(17:20)
But yeah, I have no makeup on. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love makeup. Do you guys love makeup? I love it. I don't like to think I need it. I mean, we all could use it sometimes. It helps me a little bit, but I just like it. It's fun. I like a little color in my face too. I'm pasty. I'm a pasty queen. All right. Well, now that I'm rambling, I guess it's time to go. That's my cue. But I hope you all have a beautiful day. Let's end with some I am affirmations. All right. Inhale through the nose and exhale, hand to heart or wherever. Repeat after me. I am great at creating boundaries. I no longer take the bait because I'm a queen. Yes, queen. Yes. I love it. All right. I will see you in Thursday's episode. We will do a little somatic short thrive in five.

(18:30)
That's Thursday. So as always, Tuesdays are the longer episodes. Thursdays are the shorter little bites of somatic healing or whatever. Some little fun that match up with Tuesday's theme, and I will catch you in the next episode. Love you.

I am not feeling too hot so reposting an oldie but goodie! Hope you enjoy it!

Episode Description (Show Notes):
You left… but you still feel hooked.
You blocked them… but you still think about them.
You know they were toxic… so why does part of you miss them?

Welcome to the trauma bond.

In this episode, Christy breaks down:
What a trauma bond really is
Why you feel addicted to someone who hurt you

The exact steps to finally unhook and come back to YOU

If you’ve ever felt confused, ashamed, or obsessed after narcissistic abuse—this is your wake-up call (and your soft place to land). 💕

Free Gift: The Boundaries Pocket Guide
Want to stop second-guessing yourself and finally set boundaries that stick without the guilt spiral?
Download Christy’s free Boundaries Pocket Guide — designed to help you reclaim your peace and protect your power after narcissistic abuse.
Grab it here → https://christyjade.kit.com/ce79ea9250

Ready to Go Deeper in Your Healing?
Whether you’re newly out or years into recovery, support changes everything.
Here are 3 powerful ways to work with Christy:

Reclaiming You: 1:1 Clarity & Intake Session
This 90-minute session is for the woman who’s serious about healing and wants to explore working together in a deeper way. It’s not designed as a one-off quick fix—but rather a powerful first step for those considering the monthly or 3-month coaching containers. If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure which path to take next, this session is for you.
Book here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

1-Month Private Coaching Container
Includes weekly coaching, somatic tools, and in-between support to help you regulate, reset, and start rebuilding trust with yourself.
Apply here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/

3-Month Transformational Coaching Package
This is the most supportive and spacious container I offer. We’ll dive deep into emotional healing, nervous system support, boundary work, and personal empowerment so you can rise fully in your peace and power.
Learn more: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

 Related Episodes You’ll Love:
Still Attached to the Narcissist? This Deep Cord Cutting Practice Can Help
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-attached-to-the-narcissist-this-deep-cord/id1662241353?i=1000708306120

Thrive in 5: Still Energetically Tied to the Narcissist? Cut the Cord With This Quick Practice
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/still-energetically-tied-to-the-narcissist-cut-the/id1662241353?i=1000706789155

Stay Connected:
email: [email protected]

Follow Christy on Instagram →

https://www.instagram.com/fiercechristyjade/

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1 (00:00):

So you block them, you want no contact, whatever it is, they're toxic. So why does part of you still miss them or just obsess over them? Why do you feel guilty or worse even tempted to go back? I've been getting some messages lately with listeners who really are trying to stay away and out of the life and not take the bait, but it is hard for them. So let's go into it. If you've ever felt like you're addicted to the narcissist, this episode is for you. We're talking about the trauma bond, what it is, why it's so hard to break, and how to finally unhook and come back to you because you're the queen, right?

(00:46)
Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had to come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:44)
Hello, beautiful soul. Welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Podcast where we were clean that peace, protect our power, and rebuild self-trust after narcissistic abuse. I'm Christy Jade, and today we are going deep into something most survivors wrestle with. I'd probably say all of them, even after they leave it is the trauma bond. That soul tie feeling, the obsessive loop that goes round and round in your mind, that craving for someone you know is harmful. And we can get shame about this, right? Kick that shit to the curb. We don't have time for your shame. Alright? So you're not crazy. You are trauma bonded and we're going to talk about it. So what is a trauma bond? It is a psychological and physiological attachment. These are real things, okay? Science that forms through repeated cycles of abuse and the intermittent reinforcement. So basically they hurt you.

(02:49)
They love bomb you, so you feel relief, right? Then what do they do? They pull away again. It's like, yo-yo, right? And your nervous system actually does become addicted to this cycle. The ups and downs, it becomes attached to it. It's the cycle. It's familiar, and you want that relief, right? Even after they hurt you, you're waiting, okay, well, I'm just holding onto that high. So kind of like a slot machine. You don't really know what you're going to get each day. You keep pulling the lever, hoping this time they're going to love you, right? They're going to treat you right? You're going to change them. Maybe this is all stuff I've heard about in my own life, of course, and then heard from you guys and working with clients. So the more unpredictable the behavior, the stronger bond.

(03:48)
That's why narcissists are masters at trauma bonding you so signs that you're still hooked even after going no contact or low contact. These trauma bonds can still linger. So here's some signs to know if you are still bonded, you miss them more than you want to admit. You might keep it on the dl. You fantasize them about them changing. Maybe even after you are broken up completely could be after you're divorced, these things happen, right? You doubt yourself or feel guilty for leaving. You have those moments. Maybe it's not all the time you feel anxious, empty or depressed without them. And again, this can be one or all of these. You don't have to necessarily feel all of these, but these are different versions. You minimize what they did. Oh, it wasn't that bad, right? Or look, we had good times though, right? That's minimizing the bad too.

(04:51)
Or you feel pulled to contact them even when you know it's basically self-sabotage. You still have that pull. This isn't weakness. And I know we can feel weak when we're in this, I get it, but it's a physiological, psychological and emotional loop. And until you interrupt it, it's going to keep looping. So why is it so hard to break? We're going to break down why you're still hooked. Even when your logical mind, you know that guy, there's like on the left shoulder, his logic says run. There is brain chemistry involved in this. So take a sigh of relief, maybe hug yourself. Like, Hey, this is actually a real condition in my brain.

(05:39)
So give yourself grace, please. So each high you got after a discard or mistreatment abuse, the hoover, the love bomb. That's the cycle. Discard Hoover love bomb released dopamine. You literally became chemically addicted to those tiny hits of validation and relief. And it's a cycle of knowing, oh, well, you know the pattern. You've been around this person long enough to know what the pattern is. So that can look like, oh, there's this abuse. I know what comes after it. That dopamine hit, it's going to feel better after. So I'm going to stick around for that dopamine. Okay?

(06:26)
Also, you attach during crisis. So that's another reason you are hooked, right? So you brain bonded during trauma. This is a primal survival strategy. Primal. It says stay close to danger so you can control it. And this is a big one in my past. Predict it. You feel like, okay, at least I know I can predict what's going to happen. Spoiler, you cannot control it, but your brain keeps trying. It wants to, which makes sense. And then there's the low self-worth equals an easier hook. So another reason it's hard to break when someone makes you feel like only they can love you the way they love you. Or maybe you're not worthy of love, right? These abusers often will make you feel like shit, knock you down, crush any confidence you have so they can have control over you and hook you more, right? It can tap into your childhood wounds, unmet needs you had, whether it was childhood are grown and fears, just even based on fears that you can lower your self-worth. They become your source of value. Really, you're dependent on them in those dopamine hits and those love bombs to feel valuable. So when they pull away, you panic because your sense of self, which is not from this point on, that's not going to be our sense of self anymore. We're going to do this work, but because that sense of self is tied to them. So how do you break free? That's all Great. Christie, how do you break free?

(08:13)
Let's flip the script here, Rick. Rick, here's how you start cutting the cord for real. First, label it as trauma bond. Naming it really out loud. Say it out loud. I'm a big advocate of saying shit out loud. Name it. This is trauma bond. It is not love. It is not a soulmate. It is a trauma bond. Say it. This is a trauma bond. Go ahead, queen. And then we're going to rename it from love toon. So that is going to reframe it in your mind and you might have to repeat that. You can repeat as much as you want. Put it on a beautiful old sticky note on your mirror. Number two, here we are my favorite going no contact. I know it's not as easy as it is for some as others, and some situations are hard to do. Do that in obviously co-parenting littles, but as limited as possible.

(09:17)
Okay? So that's blocking on socials. Even if you just check their page or you're not following them necessarily, no, every exposure is another dopamine hit. Okay? Think about it. I want you to suck that up. Why do you check their socials? It's actually a dopamine hit. It's reinforcing your cycle of what the shitty shit and the dopamine hit. We want to get rid of the cycle. Cold Turkey is hard, but it is clean. We love a good clean break and it works faster than the slow trying to pull away from that dopamine ripping off the bandaid. And by the way, if you need help doing this and support, that's what I'm here for. So check out the ways to work with me in my show notes always there and my emails there. If you have any questions about what I think you need, you can always email me too.

(10:14)
Alright. Number three, flood your nervous system with safety. We can't think our way out of this. This is a body thing. This is where the somatic work comes in. And I do somatic work with most of my clients. We need to feel safe in our bodies. That's where all of the somatic energy healing comes. So this, and it's like, oh, somatic. We're not going to get crazy going into somatic healing today. I'm going to give you a few examples of what you can do. Getting a walk in nature, grounding with your bare feet. Yes, go hippie on me. Okay, orienting practice. I think I've talked about this one, but you're looking around, you're naming what you see often. I will tell myself, prompt myself, okay, find four aqua things in the room. Aqua is a little harder than red, right? So I like a little challenge or find four different patterns.

(11:10)
Find what are two smells I can smell? What are three sounds? I can hear the birds chirping, right? The air filter that's blowing the TV two rooms away. It makes you present. Breath work, even cold water. I don't mess with cold water. I don't care. I don't care how much work I need. I'm never doing the cold water plunge. Okay? But you do, you boo boo. So you calm your body, you clear your mind. And yes, those might be momentary, but hey, they all add up. If you want to do deeper work, hit me up. Number four, rewire the belief that you need them. Let's say it for the people in the back, in the way, way back, rewire the belief that you need them. Start affirming. Have you heard of affirmations? Yeah. Love shouldn't hurt.

(12:04)
And maybe save this episode or write these down. You can repeat 'em. Love shouldn't hurt. I don't chase chaos. I choose peace. And this one, okay, I was taught conditioned that this was love. It is not. And I get to learn a new way, the real way, by the way. So you're not just detoxing from them. I'm going to repeat this. I really feel this in my heart that you need to hear it. You're not just detoxing from them. You're detoxing from the belief that love equals pain. Okay? You're so used to that. It was just part of the bargain, part of the deal. No, no ma'am.

(13:04)
So detox from that belief, and you can keep those affirmations so you don't really miss them. I know it feels like that. You miss the illusion, the validation, the love bombing, the dopamine, the feeling special when they would put you in those moments. And the good news is you can give yourself everything you were chasing in them. Do you know that? Work with me, queen. You're going to be a confident as queen. Upgrade. We're upgrading our confidence here. If this episode hit home, go share it. Is there someone else who could use this that that's feeling hooked? Okay, save it. Let's normalize this part of the healing journey, because shame has no seat at our table or our throne, whatever you want to call it. If you want more help unwinding trauma from your nervous system, let's grab your intake call and start our journey.

(14:11)
The intake call, it's about an hour and a half, an hour to an hour and a half, depending how far we go in your story. It's really me getting a background. We usually have time to do a little somatic exercise together, and then that sets you up and sets me up with the information so that we can start our really deep work together, like lasting work. And I say that because Somatic Healing was a life changer for me. I did therapy for years. I love therapy. I love all the shit, but the somatic healing, and I do both. We do a little therapy, but we also, we really focus on feeling better and safe in the body too, right? Because the body remembers everything. That's where it sits. That's where we upset. Stomach, stress, shoulders, all these symptoms that we get can be so related to our nervous system being so jacked up from all the years of dealing with this crap, right?

(15:18)
Yeah. We work on the brain stuff too, the mind stuff. How to deal with the narcs in your life if you're still involved with them at all that. But we do both so that you can have a complete healing and really a healing that not just the foundation, but then afterwards you actually get to thrive, right? You're getting this, I almost picture it like a, what's it? A vault? You've run what? Jump on that vault and then you're limitless. You might feel like that's not even attainable right now. So I won't go too deep into that. I know it can feel far away, but I'm telling you, I've been there. I have gone through a lot of shit in my life and I am an amazing peace bubble in my life. I'm unshakeable. I know my truth. I don't take the bait of any freaking narcissist anymore.

(16:16)
I have way more confidence and self-trust. Even more important than confidence is my self trust. You can get there. If I can get there, you can get there. Okay? So if you're interested in doing this work, one-on-one links are in the show notes or email me. Alright? Felt some passion up in here, but you are not alone. You're not broken. You're finally freeing yourself, right? This was a trauma bond and we're taking the scissors and we're cutting them, by the way. Ooh. I also want you to go in the show notes. There's also an energetic cord cutting episode I have. I think I actually have two of 'em. There's a longer one and a Thrive in five. If you don't know, I do thrive in fives on Thursdays. They're five minutes around. Five minutes. I'm chatty. So maybe 10 somatic healing exercises every single Thursday to get that hands-on ship. Okay? So I'll put those two episodes in the show notes as well. All right, see you in the next step. Love you. Bye.

Highly sensitive people don’t heal by pushing harder, thinking more positively, or forcing themselves to “move on.” If you’ve done the therapy, gained the insight, and understand what happened — but your body still feels tense, on edge, or exhausted — this episode explains why.

In this episode, we talk about why traditional healing advice often fails highly sensitive people, what healing actually means for a sensitive nervous system, and how safety — not mindset — is the missing piece. You’ll learn why insight alone isn’t enough, how your body responds differently than your mind, and what real, sustainable healing looks like when you stop overriding yourself.

This episode is especially for you if you’ve ever thought, “I know better… so why do I still feel like this?”

Your Next Step in Healing

If you’re highly sensitive and want support learning how to heal without pushing, forcing, or abandoning yourself, this is exactly the work I do with my clients.

✨ 3-Month Coaching Container
Focused support to stabilize your nervous system, strengthen boundaries, and begin rebuilding peace and self-trust.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

✨ 6-Month Coaching Container
Extended support to deepen the work, practice boundaries in real life, and integrate new patterns with consistency.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

• Free Facebook Community:
00:00):

Hello, queens. It's Christie. If you are a highly sensitive person like myself and you've done all the things, the therapy, the journaling, understanding, even that alone, we're good at that, aren't we? But your body still feels tense on edge. You get the visceral reactions and you get the mind spins, right? This episode is for you. Yay. So stay tuned here. Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen. This one's for you. But highly sensitive people, they don't get better by pushing harder. They heal by learning how to feel safe in their bodies, our bodies, because I'm one of them. And when this happens, and that's why I'm so into somatic healing, but when it happens from the body, that is when the transformations truly take place.

(01:09)
So welcome back to the podcast. If you are a follower of mine, I think I've told this story how I did acupuncture years ago. I'll tell it again, just in case. But I did acupunctures in my 20s. I am now 45, yes, as many, probably about 20 years ago, almost exactly. And I did it once. I was so excited to do it too. And I had a not great reaction.

(01:38)
I have been told since then I should have just stuck with it to move it through. But I was like, "Hell no." Because I got a fever and my mono resurfaced from the year before, who gets mono as a 20 ... Oh, I was 28 and then it came back at 29. So that's how old I was. So 28 to 29. So I was 29 and mono crept back into my life. That was just crazy. But I guess people say, "Oh, they went too fast or whatever." I don't know. I was like, "F that, never want to do it again." But I have heard so many amazing things and you know I'm such a big proponent of healing through the body and my body reacts so well. I do feel like some people are more in tune to body healing. I don't know if it's openness or, I don't know, physiology or what, but I know I react very well to yoga, to somatic healing, to breathwork, to all the energy body healings.

(02:41)
So it keeps flashing in me. You know you get nudges. So I've been getting the acupuncture nudge. Well, I got one months and months ago and I wrote to this local lady who has a good reputation and she was like, "Oh, I'm going to be out on leave, baby leave." So I was like, man, she was like, "Oh, this other person can do it. " And I was like, "Nope." Because when I get a nudge, I get specific nudges and it was toward her. I was like, "Nope, I don't want anyone else." So I just went la-da-da-da-da. And then the other day I got another nudge and was like, "Oh, I should see if she's back." And she's been back and there's also a sail and I was like, "Okay, God's going ding, ding-dong, get your needle on. " So needless to say, or needles to say, sorry, I had to, that was so bad.

(03:37)
I'm going to try acupuncture again tomorrow, pray for me. And for multiple things, there's so many things I could use it for. Just like nervous system regulation, but also my nerves will go to my stomach, so I can have very sensitive stomach, especially in high stress seasons of life. And I'm going through a remodel. So there we are. That's where we are with that one. And also TMI, but I'm an overshare. My monthly mayhem, I call it, my monthly period is pretty much torture. It's been for a very long time and we're going to give this a go and see if it helps because I can't take certain things or whatever. So I've heard it can help tremendously, so we're going to try it for a few things. And I have seasonal allergies and stuff. So if you have ever had acupuncture, I'd love you to come in the Facebook group and you can even message me in there or just post about it.

(04:42)
I'd love to hear your experience with it. All right. Now for the stuff that affects you in your life. Okay. So why does traditional healing advice fail oftentimes for highly sensitive people? First, most healing advice is very mind-based, right? Think positive, reframe the story, affirmations. Forgive. Move on. Understand your patterns. And here's the thing. Highly sensitive people are usually excellent at insight, right? You already understand what happened or you're learning it, right? A lot of times on the narcissistic podcasts and YouTube videos we're learning and light bulb clicks, you understand. You know why it affected you. You learned that. These are the first stages of after you've come through the other side of abuse and you might recognize the patterns. If understanding alone though, healed trauma, we'd all be done, right? We're like, "Oh yeah, okay, that makes sense. Now I can move on. " Wonderful.

(05:56)
Well, for especially, especially for ... I mean, it's hard enough with narcissistic situations, but especially for highly sensitive people, it doesn't usually work out that simply, right? So if you've ever thought, "Why do I still feel like this when I know better?" That is such a common thing that I have clients say to me weekly, I would say. There's one client at least a week that's like, "But I know better." Or like, "I know this in my mind, but why do I still feel it? " They're not syncing up. Nothing is wrong with you. You're not broken. Your nervous system just has not caught up to that insight, to what you know. You know it on a brain level, but your body is not there yet in catching up with that. So what does healing then actually mean for us highly sensitive people? It doesn't mean becoming numb or like bypassing or becoming detached or unaffected or drinking a whiskey.

(06:59)
Okay? I mean, you can, but it's not going to help. You're not here to get tougher or grow thicker skin. You may have people in your life in the past that have told you, "Oh, stop being so sunset of. Oh, tough it up." I got a lot to say about that. And you're not here to stop feeling deeply because it is a beautiful thing about you. So healing means this. You still heal, feel all these heels and feels you still feel, but your body no longer lives in defense mode. So you stop being overwhelmed with your own sensitivity, right? You're like learning to navigate that. You stop feeling hijacked by other people's emotions. I know you know about that life and you stop living on edge waiting for the next emotional hit.

(07:58)
Sensitivity is not the problem. Unsafety is that feeling of unsafe that can come with the sensitivity that arises, right? So what is the real block that not everybody talks about, except yours truly? Here's what I see all the time with my clients, highly sensitive women. You heal mentally long before you heal physically, right? So you might know you're safe, but you don't feel safe. You might have left the relationship, you're completely out, hopefully, but your body doesn't really embody that. It didn't get the memo clear in full yet, right? You've done therapy maybe, but you're still braced. You're still feeling the things that you're trying to get over or not feel or undo the damage, as some people say, right? Your shoulders can be tight, jaw clench, like I said, my stomach, so fun. And the nervous system as a whole is scanning for danger even in calm moments, even though you're out of maybe your daily mess that you were in.

(09:20)
I know we have to still deal with them, but often your body still is in this survival mode that it was in when it was actually in more danger and it's because your body doesn't respond to logic, it responds to safety. Until your nervous system feels safe, healing stays incomplete no matter how much insight you have, no matter how many affirmations ... And I'm a big proponent of all that stuff. I think together there's a beautiful toolbox of joy that can help us heal, right? But this somatic healing is so, so important for people like us. So how do we truly, truly heal regulation before reflection? So when the calm ... I can't talk. I didn't go to bed till like one in the morning last night, y'all. All right, let me try again. We calm the nervous system first, not after. Okay? Safety before processing.

(10:30)
So no deep emotional work while your body is feeling threatened. So that's why when I do my work with clients, you'll often hear me ask, "Where are we at today?" One client this week, I was like, "I don't think we're going to be doing the somatic work today. Let's just do some coaching." Maybe at the end we'll have a wind down, nice luxury moment, but we're not going to do that deeper work right now because of where she was mentally. So it's my job to judge that and I'm trauma informed, so I get to evaluate before proceeding with the work. So sometimes we'll talk more, sometimes we'll do more somatic healing, little mix of both. So that's really important in the process. And then gentle consistency over intensity. So either small daily practices, which are very small. I actually, one of my clients this week asked, "So should I be doing like this at home?" And I was like, "No." You can be doing little small meditations, you can do some breath work, but the somatic healing at this stage when you're first working with me, you're not able to evaluate in the way I am.

(11:56)
And it's good to have a third party there on the outside, especially when you are in those earlier phases where you're more raw. So definitely consistency, like in between sessions, gentle consistency. Not intense, not let's do this. I want to do it three times myself this week. No, ma'am, that's not going to end well. Okay? You have to be safe and permission to slow down. Healing actually accelerates when the pressure is removed. When you don't feel like, "Oh my God, I got to do this. I got to get through this. This is going too slow." I have a lot of clients coming to me. It's like, "It's so slow." And part of that is because you're putting a pressure on yourself for it to go fast. When you release that pressure, you find it will organically go faster. Oh, amazing. And you're not behind, right?

(12:52)
You're not doing it wrong and your pace is not the problem. Forcing yourself is that can actually hinder it. So we've talked about orienting. We'll do this little simple somatic practice, something you can do right now, simple, not too deep, just to have a little centering, right? If it feels okay, gently just look around the room you're in and let your eyes land on three things that feel neutral or pleasant. So I'm going to do mine. My eyes always go to the damn flamingo and I'm going to look. I see leopard print. I love leopard print and my daughter's cowboy hat that makes me laugh. So that's an example. You look at three things, no analyzing, no fixing, just noticing.

(14:00)
And as you do that, let your breath slow naturally. This is called orienting and it's very simple, right? And what it tells your nervous system is, I'm here, I'm safe, the danger is passed. So if you are in a spin out mode, this is a great thing to try to pull yourself out. I like to do this, to do this, to initiate just becoming present. And then I like to get up, get my shoes on, walk out of the house. And just even if I'm walking around just the cul-de-sac or if I can take a longer walk, getting out in nature, removing yourself, right? When you're stuck in a cycle, it's become present.

(14:55)
Do a little curtsy little, a little twirl, whatever makes you feel happy inside. But even just doing the orienting practice where you are, if you got to get back to work or something, if you work from home and you're having a moment, orient, find the three things. Don't think too hard. You're just kind of observing. Take some breaths and get back to what you need to do. So for highly sensitive people, healing happens when your body believes that message, right? The danger's passed. I'm safe. So it's almost like we're proving it by slowing things down, by looking at items, and you're looking around, right? That's part of the orienting is looking at your surroundings. It's showing there's nothing unsafe here. You can look every angle. You can whip that head around, girl. Check it out. Nothing dangerous.

(15:58)
Unless, unless you don't like leopard print, right? So your mind gets to see it. There's some proof. There's some present proof. Now, healing without overwhelm. So here's something you do need to hear. You do not have to relive everything to heal it. That is something some people, I don't want to say will go against, but some people really want to dig to every little nook and cranny. You don't have to do that to heal it. And this is proven within somatic healing. You don't have to reopen every wound. You don't have to push yourself past your capacity. It's not a race to heal.

(16:53)
And we heal better with softness, not force. So you're allowed to choose ease. It might be uncomfortable, you're not used to it. Get comfy with it. Choosing gentleness and you don't have to prove how strong you are or how far you've come. Those milestones will come, but don't force them. Okay? So healing doesn't make you less sensitive. It makes your sensitivity feel like a gift instead of a burden. Again, you are not broken, you were never broken. Your nervous system adapted brilliantly to what you live through. And now you get to teach it that life doesn't have to hurt anymore, that you are safe.

(17:48)
Okay? So if you want support, learning how to heal without overriding yourself, check the show notes for the next steps, whether it's the Boundaries Pocket Guide or working with me one-on-one. I have three different programs you can choose from and they are transformative, amazing, like I said, somatic and coaching together. And it's just my favorite thing in the world. So of course, I'm going to brag about it and tell you to sign up, woman. All right. So if this episode resonated, you're not alone. There's a bunch of us out there and join my Facebook community again so we can have some chatsies in there and yeah, try to engage in there, talk to each other. Feel free to make posts in there or post quotes. I love a good quote. Put a quote up there. I will approve it. And don't forget to follow my podcast if you're not following it.

(18:48)
So you get every single stinking podcast episode. Guys, this is not a one and done. This is ongoing, amazing work. This healing is actually ... There's just so much good in this type of somatic healing and these episodes. I give a lot of information on purpose. I know maybe not everyone can do one-on-one work, right? So following these really, really will help you. Every episode has something juicy to take home. Okay? So I will see you in the next one. Love you. Bye.

Have you ever wondered why some people don’t just irritate you — they completely dysregulate you?

In this episode, we explore why highly sensitive people are more deeply affected by emotionally unpredictable or manipulative personalities, and why this has nothing to do with being weak or “too much.” If you’ve been healing from narcissistic or emotional abuse and still find yourself over-explaining, self-blaming, or staying longer than you should, this episode connects the dots with compassion and clarity.

This conversation is about understanding patterns — not judging yourself — so you can finally stop managing other people’s emotions and start protecting your nervous system.

Your Next Step in Healing
If this episode hit close to home and you’re realizing this pattern has repeated — and you’re tired of trying to figure it out alone — you don’t have to.

I work 1:1 with women healing from narcissistic and emotional abuse who are ready to feel calmer, clearer, and more grounded in their relationships and decisions.

✨ 3-Month Coaching Container
Focused support to stabilize your nervous system, strengthen boundaries, and begin rebuilding peace and self-trust.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

✨ 6-Month Coaching Container
Extended support to deepen the work, practice boundaries in real life, and integrate new patterns with consistency.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

✨ 12-Month Coaching Container
Long-term mentorship and steady support while you rebuild your life at a grounded, sustainable pace.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Additional Support & Resources
Join the Free Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free)
Learn how to set and hold boundaries without spiraling into guilt or over-explaining.
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

 

📩 Questions or support: 00:00):

Queens, if you are highly sensitive, there is a reason certain people don't just annoy you. They completely dysregulate you. And it's not because you're weak or dramatic or overreacting. It's because your nervous system notices things others were trained to ignore. It's actually a gift. Love it. I've got the gift. Do you? Stay tuned. Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen. This one's for you. All right. So tonight's episode is a continuation of Tuesdays, and there will be one more on next week's Tuesday episode, and then we'll get back to a Thrive in Five on Thursday. But I also just wanted to say hello. I was thinking in this new year, I might share a little more about just myself, even my journey, and just even some of my day-to-day stuff, because I want to feel a little more connected to my audience.

(01:14)
And I'd love you to hop over into my Facebook group. If you didn't know, I have a private Facebook group, and it is for all women, and it's private. And I ask questions to make sure no shady people coming in there, except myself. Just kidding. And yeah, but I just want to share more and be a little more engaged on a personal level. So a couple things I have going on to share with you. Number one, I finished my manuscript. I am going to be writing a narcissistic abuse recovery book. I am so excited. Well, I wrote it. Currently, I am going through one more pass and then my editor will be starting to do the developmental editing on it starting in March. And then from there, I'm still working on if I want to self-publish or traditional publish, my gut is saying traditional publishing, and I've got a couple calls lined up to talk with people about that.

(02:17)
It's really exciting stuff. This is one of my dreams. I always wrote. This is like we're having a biography. Don't worry, we'll get to the good stuff too, but this is good stuff, right? You know a little more about me? Maybe I can learn a little more about you. So when I was young, I loved, loved to write. I wrote poetry because what? Highly sensitive. Poetry stories. I have written a few novels.

(02:46)
I've published poetry book out there. So I've always been in the writing realm. And this is now my baby book because it's like my purpose work mixed with just this dream I had to complete a book that I felt safe sharing with the world and that would help people. So I am so excited. I can't talk about the title or anything yet, obviously, until I'm promoting it. But I am so grateful for you guys to be supporting me through listening to this podcast. It has kept me going, kept me motivated. All of your emails and just even seeing how many listens and though my podcast has grown to top 1.5% in the world makes me feel like it's all worth ... This is heavy stuff to talk about, right? And it's not easy having your own business and starting from zero and building. It's a process, but I've always been called to help women.

(03:57)
And then more recently with this abuse stuff, right? And trying to make it not fun, because abuse is never fun, but making it so you know that it doesn't have to define the rest of your life and that you can create a new version and grow and you're not damaged forever and make it as light as we possibly can. Yeah, we went through the hard stuff. So guess what? We're going to make up for some lost time and we go and get sparkly. So anyway, that's a little rant about my book. I also change, so I will be ... Unless there's some little exception somewhere, if you really need it, you can message me. But I am doing either three months, six month, or 12 month containers. I am so excited to do a year longer container. Sorry, it's like coach talk, but that just means ... I was like, oh my gosh, I'm not recording.

(05:03)
That would've been awful. It just means the amount of time, right? Like the program. So I have three programs. There's three month, six month, and 12 month. So I'm so excited about that. That will always be in my show notes too. And if you really just want to get a feel for things, but you really do want to commit, we can do a one hour session and then it'll be time to pick if you want three, six or 12 month program. So anyway, I am in love with my one-on-one sessions. We do coaching and we do somatic healing that is, if you don't know, healing from the body through the body, it is mind blowing work. You can click and read more about it in my show notes. So those are two big things. I won't go on and on, which I already did because that's me, right?

(05:56)
Now you know who I am. I'm a blubber. I'm a blabberist queen, but I'm so excited for this new year. I just have ... It was a hard year for me. This past year, my father passed away. Oh, this is supposed to be uplifting and I feel the lump in my throat. And that's tough, as many of you know, when you lose a parent. So it's been a tough year for me. I'm always silver lining and keep going and I'll always be that way, but this is one of the hardest years of my life.

(06:32)
So we're ready for 2026. Let's get into this episode for these highly sensitive people who are about to cry on her pink furry microphone. All right. So part one of this, we're kind of to talk about the sensitivity, unpredictability, and how that equals dysregulation. A lot of highly sensitive people, we get dysregulated more easily than other people. So we're built for depth, connection, and consistency. Okay? So when you're around people like narcissists who are very hot and cold, or maybe bipolar, manic depress, people who are up and down so much, emotionally inconsistent or intentionally manipulative, the body goes on alert and it's not because you're fragile, it's because this unpredictability feels very unsafe in your system, right? I mean, I think as it should. I love predictability. Can anyone say, "What? Do we get a what? " We love predictability. You like a good plan.

(07:37)
So going to part two, why you took it so personally, right? This is where a lot of the highly sensitive people get stuck. We talk about a lot of stuckness with narcissistic abuse. And many of us who have gone through abuse are highly sensitive. There is a correlation and that we'll get to that reason, but you didn't just notice the inconsistency. You tried to fix it because we're usually empaths and fixers and maybe people pleasers. You overexplained, you self-reflected, right? You might turn it on yourself. I did that a lot like, "Well, maybe I caused this, " which by the way, just so you know, and I'm so used to this, it sounds crazy that I have to say this, but I remember being on the side of not realizing how crazy this is, but you can't force someone to abuse you. It's the choice they make and you don't cause it.

(08:39)
No one makes someone abusive. They are abusive and you're a victim of it, okay? So just remember that. Play that back if you have to. But wondering, what did we do wrong? What did I do wrong? Because you were taught that harmony was your responsibility. And it could be from your childhood where you kind of play that role of the one, the peacekeeper or trying not to, maybe there was one person, two people, all the people, if you're lucky, in your family that were toxic, very intense in the not good way. You ended up somehow being that person who would try to walk on the eggshells and just try to create as much peace or calm or predictability as you could, which is a lot to carry around on your shoulders. So this is especially common for people who have experienced narcissistic or emotional abuse.

(09:45)
Like I said, could be childhood. It could be you had a great childhood and somehow you ended up with a master manipulator, a narcissist who conditioned you to act differently than you typically did.That's common. That's the thing that happens too. Many people though who end up in abusive situations, I'm not saying everybody, no blanket statements here, but did grow up either in an abusive situation or being dismissed or being manipulated or a very toxic family dynamic where you were comfortable with that. That's why you ended up in that relationship. That is not always, but that's a very common thing. From my own experience, from my client's experience, most of my clients did have some sort of toxic relationship dynamic, whether it was a parent, a sibling, even a grandma who lived with them, right? So it could look all different and fun ways. So part three, here is the gentle truth, and this is the confronting part.

(10:56)
Okay? Highly sensitive people don't attract unhealthy dynamics because you're sensitive. We are sensitive, right?

(11:09)
We stay or we stay longer because we're empathetic, self-aware and hopeful. I just met up with one of my guy friends recently and he was trying to understand the whole abuse thing. And in his mind, he couldn't understand to start with how anyone would tolerate being mistreated like that, right? Because some people, there's just no tolerance for it. So a lot of us, it's not just like only empathetic people, but we're empathetic, we're hopeful. It's like a mix of characteristics that make us stay and make us stay longer, like I said, right? And certain personalities or disorders, they feed off that. It's like, yes, they're staying. Now I know who my warm audience is. Do you know the cold and warm? Warm is like, oh, they're already warmed up and they're easier quote, pray. But it doesn't make you naive or weak. This makes you human, does make you maybe empathetic, highly sensitive if you are relating to any of this, but this is not a bad thing.

(12:34)
And I don't want you to view this as a bad characteristic. It's a beautiful part of us and I would not have it any other way. I would not want to be not as sensitive as I am, not as empathetic as I am. It has served me so well in my life too. Yes, it's gotten me hurt 20 times over by multiple people, I'll be honest, but it has really served me in so many beautiful ways and so many beautiful connections. And even in this, right? I'm able to do this work and help people because of that part of me and this job is amazing, right?

(13:22)
So let's toot our own horns, okay? Go highly sensitive people. So what actually changes the pattern? The shift isn't becoming colder, right? You don't want to say, "Okay, well now I'm going to throw a wall up." And this might happen naturally when you have left a narcissist. I'll be honest, after my narcissist situation, disconnection, I'll be honest, I went a little extreme to the other side and that can absolutely be part of the process. And I do find that with many, not all, but many of my clients, some do not build a wall and they might even get burned again and they get help and the help helps and they learn how to protect themselves without being cold and hardened and jaded, which for a little bit I was a little cold. I'll say that. I got a little chilly, a little chilly in here.

(14:18)
So it's becoming clearer and more embedded in your truth.That's a really important thing because if you don't know your truth, you can't create boundaries for yourself. And boundaries, remember, are not really for other people, they're for yourself. And that's something important. I have a boundaries course. It is amazing. And yes, I am tooting my own horn all over the place tonight, which is not something I normally do, but I am very, very adamant about people setting boundaries. And if you don't know how this is a reasonably priced course that you get 10 videos, they're dripped once a week for 10 weeks. Everything from evaluating your truth, I call it the hell yeses and hell nos, of your life to evaluate what you need to set boundaries with. And then we go into all the hows of boundary setting, the conversations, what to do if you set a boundary and someone comes back, all the boundary stuff for yourself and how to also navigate it by if you do have to have conversations and set them in that way, right?

(15:34)
Because some are for yourself that you're doing, you don't even have to tell anybody, right? So that boundaries course is always linked in my show notes. So when you stop managing other people's emotions, you start protecting your nervous system. I love it. And that's when everything changes. So if you're realizing this pattern has repeated and you're tired of all the analyzing and doing it alone, this is where my one-on-one coaching comes in. I do three, six months now because narcissistic abuse, though you can definitely heal, it's not like an overnight take a pill, right? But that being said, three months goes by quick and we do amazing work in three months. And I have had clients stay with me a year. I never had a year program, but they just kept signing on for three months and three months and three months. And their transitions, their transformations, I mean, are just out of this world, just like themselves.

(16:46)
But with all the glitter, all the confidence, so many changes, like changing careers, starting their own businesses, entering amazing relationships with healthy people, feeling like they're actually an amazing role model for their kids when they used to feel shame and guilt that they had stayed in something. It's just endless the benefits of doing coaching mixed with the somatic healing.

(17:14)
It's the best. I just love it. When I get off of every call, I literally sometimes get a lump in my throat. I'm like, "This work is so amazing." Especially when we do the somatic stuff, it's so powerful, so powerful. Okay, so you know where my links are. Show notes. Everyone say it with me, show notes. And so in the next episode, that will be Tuesday, we're going to talk about how highly sensitive people actually heal, how boundaries become regulating instead of terrifying. Because look, for highly sensitive people, oh, it's terrifying, right? It's terrifying. That is the only word we can use for it sometimes because the unpredictability of what's going to come back and if you're with someone obviously, which we'd love you to get out of that relationship, but if you're still with someone who is not treating you well, or if you're outside of it, but you still have these traits, it's going to continue in your relationships or with friends or whatever, we can't be terrified of boundaries anymore.

(18:28)
To live a full life that's authentically you, that's the thing. You have to find that truth. Like I said, evaluating your truth, the hells and knows of your life. So you can say, "What boundaries do I even need and how am I going to set these boundaries?" You might feel lost, overwhelmed, almost like guilt if you do set a boundary. That's why the program I have really talks about that and how you can do it in a way where you are not saying, "You need to not do this anymore exactly." It's more like what I'm going to do. And that's a much better feeling for us, highly sensitive people, isn't it? I'm going to do this. It's not telling someone how to live their life. It's more like, I mean, let me think of a simple example.

(19:21)
Someone yelling at me all the time, okay? Let's say that. Let's say that happened. What do I say that you're yelling and you can jush it up. As I've gotten older, I don't have time for the softy sandwich as my BFF calls it. I don't have time for that anymore. So that's where I'm like, I'm a little more direct. So you can always take my words and soften them up and I can help you soften them if you need to in our one-on-one. But I just, in my life, I don't really do that anymore, but I'll just ... So you could say, I would say directly probably, "Look, I'm not going to be talked to like that. So just so you know, if you do choose to be yelling at me like that, I am going to walk out. I am going to leave. I'm going to whatever." You're saying what you are going to do.

(20:13)
You're not controlling them.

(20:16)
And then you could soften that up and you could do the sandwiches, right? You got the soft bread on each side. So you got like, "I've really, really enjoyed spending time with you. We have so much fun together, but there's times when you're raising your voice and it makes me feel on edge and I don't love that feeling." So the next time that happens for my own body and whatever, mental, whatever you want to call it without sounding dramatic or something. For my own vibe, I'm going to have to take a break and leave or whatever, hang up the phone, I'm going to have to do X, Y, Z. And then you can put that soft bun on the other side, soft buns. What kind of podcast is this? And you can say, "But really, I would love for that not to happen because I really would like to continue this friendship with you, " or whatever it is.

(21:17)
Me, I'm like, "You mistreat me ." Okay. All right. So where were we? We were talking about ... Oh yeah, I was saying how terrifying it is and sensitivity can actually become your strength again, right? So we'll talk about that in the next episode and yeah, I guess that's it. Let me see. How long was this mamma jamma? Oh, it doesn't say. So I'm so excited. I just got back y'all from karaoke. So if you don't know, we have a little bit of a musical family and my husband actually sings, and I want to hear about all of your hobbies in my Facebook group, but my husband sings and plays a bunch of different instruments. I sing. I say that lightly because, I mean, I don't know. I wish I had a better voice, but people say I'm a singer. My husband says I'm a singer.

(22:22)
He said, "That did really good tonight." I did karaoke. I did Shania Twain. Anyone know that song?

(22:29)
Better walk the line. Squeeze. Anyway, and my daughter, she was elite singer in a band. She's 11 now, but when she was like nine and 10, and now she's doing musical theater. And my friend texted me, I was like, "Oh my God, they have karaoke at this place that we go to. " She's like, "Come over." So we were eating dinner. I was like, "You want to go karaoke?" And I said, oh, she said, "Have Kora sing." And I was like, "Do you want to sing? I mean, she got to go to bed." But I was like, "What a cool mom would I be if I just spontaneously was like, all right, dinner's over. Let's go sing." So I was like, "This'll be a fun memory." So we finished up the dishes and she got dressed and we went, we took over the karaoke. There's only one other person who sang before we got there and then it was us because it was like the first night they were doing it.

(23:31)
So Kora sang four songs. I sang one. My husband, who actually has been in bands, pretended he was shy. He is shy in real life. He's very shy, but he said he don't like karaoke. He likes being in his band with his familiar and like having practiced a song. So he was too uncomfortable to do one. I was uncomfortable too, but I did it. I even shimmy shaked around a little bit, a little hip action, little head wobble.

(24:02)
So that was fun. And can we say US citizens of the world, not to get political, but it's really crazy out there no matter what side you're on. Again, I don't want to get political on this podcast, but our country I feel like is just so crazy right now. There's just a lot. So it was nice to escape to karaoke, but I feel like I feel bad for people who can't escape in that way, right? There's just a lot going on. It's kind of horrifying. And I know other countries are looking in and maybe horrified as well. So I know that's like a little off topic and I really don't like to go there, but I just have to be real. You guys know me. I'm very real. And it's a hard time for a lot of people. No matter what side of the political coin you're on, what race you are, what gender you are, and some have it way worse than others, but it's just a hard time.

(25:14)
So I would like to throw out some prayers. I am a God woman, so I want to throw out some prayers just for our country. And if you guys are God people, whoever's out there as God person or a woo-woo universe person, please say some prayers just for our country and our world as a whole, right? Why not throw the whole world in there?

(25:40)
And try to focus too on what we do have. There's a lot of hardship, but there's a lot of love and a lot of peacemakers and helpers. They always say what when there's a crisis? Is it crisis? I don't know that, but there's that quote, I'm going to misquote it. If there's a crisis, look for the helpers, like trying to always see the light in the dark. So I'm big on that, but sometimes it's hard. Sometimes it's hard. So, and I know with our heavy stuff we talk about, sometimes it's hard too. So if you're in a dark situation, which I know a lot of you are, you're not alone, come join us in the Facebook group and yeah, hear more about your highly sensitive ass in our next episode. Okay? All right. I love you guys. We're in this together. Put your deuces up, smooches, deuces.

(26:39)
See you the next time.

Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling completely drained — replaying what was said, questioning yourself, or wondering why certain people affect you so deeply?

In this episode, we explore the difference between being highly sensitive and being chronically exhausted from emotional unpredictability. If you’ve been healing from narcissistic or emotional abuse and still wonder why your body reacts so strongly in certain relationships, this episode offers clarity, relief, and a nervous-system-based explanation that finally makes sense.

This isn’t about being “too sensitive.” It’s about understanding how your body adapted — and what it actually needs to heal.

Your Next Step in Healing
If this episode explains you — and you’re realizing you’ve been trying to heal through willpower instead of safety and support — you don’t have to do this alone.

I work 1:1 with women healing from narcissistic and emotional abuse who feel deeply, think deeply, and are ready to feel grounded, clear, and safe in their own bodies again.

✨ 3-Month Coaching Container
Focused support to stabilize your nervous system, strengthen boundaries, and begin rebuilding peace and self-trust.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/

✨ 6-Month Coaching Container
Extended support to deepen the work, practice boundaries in real life, and integrate new patterns with consistency.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/

✨ 12-Month Coaching Container
Long-term mentorship and steady support while you rebuild your life at a grounded, sustainable pace.
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/

Additional Support & Resources
Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free)
Learn how to set and hold boundaries without spiraling into guilt or over-explaining.
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250

Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/

Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Join the Free Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade

📩 Questions or support: 00:00):

If you are here because you have been healing from narcissistic abuse or emotional abuse, I want you to know this episode is still for you. This isn't me changing direction. It's me adding some context because so many people who were deep or are deeply affected by toxic relationships of any kind are also highly sensitive. Lucky us, we get to be a good old target. So no one really explains why that matters. So we're going to talk about a little bit of this, a little bit of that today. Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen, this one's for you.

(00:52)
Okay. So if you've ever wondered why certain people leave you completely drained, why you replay conversations in your head, why you feel things so deep, and maybe you've been told you're too sensitive, or why healing felt kind of linear, this episode might finally explain some of that to you. And more importantly, it might help you stop blaming yourself. I hear a lot of clients with a lot of shame and blame, and we're here to kick that to the curb. Okay. So are you highly sensitive or just attuned? So let's talk about what being highly sensitive actually means. Without the labels or the quizzes, highly sensitive people are not weak. They are deeply perceptive. So your nervous system picks up on the tone shifts in a conversation on emotional undercuts, right? Unspoken things, unspoken tension, and you pick up on inconsistencies. So you don't just hear words, you actually feel energy.

(02:01)
So someone could be saying one thing and you're feeling another. So you could sense, maybe you sense lying or deception. So you can be highly sensitive, but also a people pleaser. So that can be a mix of where you may even feel something's off, but you have been told you're too sensitive or you think too much or you're too analytical. So you kind of second guess yourself when you do actually get these kind of intuitive hits. So like I said, you don't just hear the words, you feel the energy. You're just an energy queen. That's all. It's great. So in safe environments, this is actually a gift. So yay, but not all environments are safe as we know. So in an unsafe or emotionally unpredictable environment, that same sensitivity can become very exhausting. So why do some people affect you so much? Here's the part not everyone explains in the narc world, right?

(03:08)
But your sensitivity didn't cause this harm. So yes, in a way, we can attract a certain somebody by being seen as someone who is empathetic and has a bleeding heart or whatever. But don't let go of it. Okay? We want to keep that. It's still okay to have, but it actually magnifies the impact. So it doesn't cause the harm, it magnifies the impact. If you grew up around control, a controlling person, maybe a parent, maybe a sibling, emotional volatility, people who made you doubt yourself or you weren't good enough feeling, your nervous system learned to stay alert. So when someone is inconsistent, emotionally manipulative, dismissive, we know that one probably a little too well, or hot and cold, right? Maybe they will be all about you and even controlling, monitoring where you're going. They want to know where you are, they're like that. And then they will punish you with the silent treatment.

(04:20)
And I say punish because that's what it is. Even though you don't deserve a punishment, they will punish you if you ... Anything. It's a narcissist, right? So especially in a narcissistic situation, they're going to punish you no matter what in their abuse cycle. So part of that punishment sometimes can look like, yes, the screaming, the yelling, the violence, it can also look like silent treatment. So there's a lot of hot and cold and your body doesn't see that as just a personality. It experiences it as a threat, right? Which makes sense. It's not drama, it's biology. Your body's like, "This isn't okay." The inconsistency, the up and down. This doesn't seem right. So many highly sensitive people don't realize they were in emotionally manipulative or narcissistic dynamics because they were taught to look inward instead of questioning the environment outward, right? So this is where that people pleaser can come in, right?

(05:26)
You learn to ask, "What's wrong with me? " Instead of, "Why doesn't this feel safe?" I want you to sit with that. Okay? You learn to ask, "What's wrong with me? " Instead of, "Why doesn't this feel safe?" So that habit alone can keep you stuck, right? If you're constantly just, you've been conditioned to go, "What did I do? It must be me.

(06:00)
" Going inward. Okay. So why isn't willpower the answer here? This is why the whole just set boundaries or just stop caring doesn't really work. You know I'm the boundary queen. I love good boundaries, but it doesn't always work. With highly sensitive people, it's not about being like the tough exterior boundary and it's not yapping at that person. It's not going outward, right? You do need to set boundaries for yourself, but you need support, safety, and regulation. So healing doesn't have to be about fixing yourself. It's about teaching your nervous system that it is safe to relax again. Teaching your nervous system, yourself, you're out of this situation, hopefully if you're still in it, let's help you out of there. But if you're on the other side, like most of my clients, on the other side, either on the verge of getting out, getting out, or you've been out, but you're still stuck in many ways, it's teaching your nervous system to go, "I'm safe.

(07:18)
I'm safe. I'm safe out of the situation or I'm going to be safe very soon. Hopefully you're in a safe space. If not, always read my show notes for the phone numbers for a resource." We're going to dip into this. I'm going to do a couple more episodes around this topic just because a lot of you have been asking just, I've heard many questions like, "Why did this happen? Why am I like this? Or why did they pick me? " All of these questions, which it's great to question, but there's a difference in asking a question, asking a question, feeling like you're the problem and you're the reason why, right? And like you're at fault.

(08:09)
That's what we want to kind of undo and help you understand so you can let go of that guilt or feeling like this is your fault. And if you had just done X, Y, Z, this wouldn't have happened. Okay? We're not going to blame or shame ourselves anymore. Shine your crowns, little ladies. Okay? So if this episode explains you and you're realizing you've been trying to heal through willpower instead of support, because you do need that support and you want to do the somatic deeper work that is mind blowing, you don't have to do it alone. Here I am, Christie Jade, we can do one-on-one work. And this is for women who feel deeply, think deeply and are ready to feel safe in their own bodies again. So if that resonates, I'll always have the link in the description, in the notes, the show notes, they're called in my podcast show notes.

(09:08)
For every episode, it has my options for working with me one-on-one. I have three different programs and starting this new year out, empowered, ready for your next chapter, your next book queen. Okay? Let's just do the whole, throw the whole thing away. Start over. No. There's beautiful parts of us from the past. I don't want anyone to feel like you are damaged, that you are ruined. I've heard this stuff from my clients and it breaks my heart. I'm telling you, I've been where you are and I have a freaking amazing, thriving, joyful, peaceful ... Can I say peaceful in capital letters? Because who knew I could have peace at some point in my life? Life, right? I did a lot of work to get here and I have learned so many tools. I have so many certifications and all, especially the somatic healing is my baby.

(10:07)
I do the coaching, yes. I do the Reiki or whatever you want. I got it all in my little magic toolbox, but somatic healing is the thing that truly, truly transformed me. And it's just amazing work. I cannot suggest it enough. Obviously, I'm here. I would love to help you. I do have limited spots, but just going through this transformation where you build confidence, self-trust again, and just getting that sparkle back. And I know it sounds like, okay, I get the sparkle back. It's so vague, but I think you guys know. I think you guys know what a narcissistic relationship does to your sparkle, how it dulls you, how sometimes you don't recognize yourself anymore.

(11:02)
It changes you, but that doesn't mean you can't find her again, or maybe you never fully knew her because you had a narcissistic parent who told her since you can remember she's in there. You can have peace and joy. So I would love to help you get that in your life. So if you ... Again, the link is always in the show notes and in the next episode, we're going to talk about why highly sensitive people are more impacted by certain personalities. And what finally changes when you stop trying to manage yourself and start protecting your nervous system because sensitivity is not the problem being unsupported is, right? We need a little support, doesn't everybody? But highly sensitive people, we can need a little more. And that's not a bad thing. It's a beautiful thing. So if this resonated, take a breath, let it land, and I will meet you in the next episode.

(12:07)
I'm not going to do my thrive in fives until, let's see, next Thursday, because I'm going to do this little mini series. So I'm going to do this little mini series, which will be today, Thursday, and next Tuesday. And the following Thursday will be a thrive in five to kind of seal this series up, zip it on up, and then we'll continue with another topic. All right? So have a fabulous day. You are looking amazing and I hope feeling amazing, because you are amazing. Let's end with it. We haven't done I ams, little affirmations. Let's do a few of those to close out. Let's inhale through our nose and exhale, inhale through the nose and exhale and repeat after me. I am perceptive. I am intuitive because I'm a queen. God, I love that last one. All right. I will see you in the next episode.

(13:22)
Love y'all.