Seeing the narcissist appear happy, thriving, or “better off without you” can trigger a wave of anger, sadness, and self-doubt. Many survivors of narcissistic abuse find themselves measuring their healing by what the narcissist’s life looks like now.
In this Thrive in 5 episode, Christy Jade walks you through a short EFT tapping practice to help calm your nervous system and break the mental loop of comparing your life to theirs.
Because the truth is this: your healing has nothing to do with whether the narcissist seems to be winning. Your healing is about reclaiming your peace, your power, and your focus.
If you’ve been stuck checking their social media, wondering if they’re happier, or feeling triggered when it looks like they’ve moved on quickly, this episode will help you shift your energy back where it belongs — on your life.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
• Why your brain keeps tracking what the narcissist is doing after the relationship
• The nervous system pattern that keeps survivors focused on the narcissist
• How EFT tapping can interrupt obsessive thinking and emotional triggers
• A guided tapping sequence to release the need to monitor their life
Feeling stuck in the mental loop of the narcissist? Let’s reset it.
If you’re tired of the obsessive thoughts, emotional triggers, or constantly replaying what happened, my Calm & Clarity Reset Call is designed to help you shift out of that spiral quickly.
In this focused 1:1 session we’ll calm your nervous system, untangle what’s actually keeping you stuck, and create clear next steps so you can move forward with confidence.
Book your Reset Call here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/calm-and-clarity-reset-call/
3-Month Coaching Container: Reclaim Your Peace
This container is designed for women who are ready to stabilize their nervous system, rebuild self-trust, and start creating real emotional freedom after narcissistic abuse.
Apply here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/
6-Month Coaching Container: Queens of Peace
For deeper healing and long-term transformation. Together we work through trauma patterns, boundaries, nervous system regulation, and rebuilding the life you want after abuse.
Apply here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/
12-Month Coaching Container
This is the highest level of support for women ready to fully reclaim their power and build a life that feels peaceful, confident, and aligned.
Apply here:
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/
Additional Support & Resources
Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free)
https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250
Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts
https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/
Empowered Boundaries Course
https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/
Free Facebook Community
https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade
Contact:
00:00):
Hello. I have to do some intro music because I don't have time to do the whole thing this week. So we're going to go. I forgot my music. Welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery with me. How's that? Should that be my new diddy? All right. So you guys, yes, it's been a crazy week, kind of a tough week. If I'll be honest, we all have our weeks. A kind of tough week for me. I know I want to talk about stuff more, so maybe I'll take that opportunity. So also connect in the Facebook group, you guys. Don't forget. Don't forget. It's always in the show notes. You can join there. It's a private group. So it's not public. No one can see it. And there's questions to make sure no sketchies or bots get in there. You have to provide your email, all of that good stuff so we know it's like a safe place to chat.
(00:56)
That being said, yeah, there's been some shifts and I am very excited to really focus on my business and just really concentrating on my book. I've been working on my book, if you guys don't know that, which is related to narcissistic abuse recovery. Very excited about it. And I have some really cool leads where hopefully it will be able to get seen and impact more people than I hoped even. So cross your fingers and pray for that. You know my goal is to help as many women as I can deal with ... And men. I've had men write me too that listen to this podcast. So thank you. Thank you. This advice is not just for women. That's true. I just happened to specialize in working with women because I'm a woman and I know the woman things. But also if you hear it, I don't know if I'm getting sick or it's the crazy weather here in the DMV.
(02:00)
I live right outside of Washington DC. And right now it's dropping dramatically to 30 something degrees when it was 84 degrees yesterday. It's wild. It's been absolutely wild weather here. So hold on to your seats where you are too. I heard there's some weird shifting in Colorado or Utah too, just some weird weather patterns. So here we are. Anyway, but I wanted to connect about ... I'm on this journey and sometimes we have to pivot and people like us who have gone through a lot sometimes are afraid to say no or afraid to make decisions that may impact other people and stay stuck because we have a tendency to people please. And we kind of have that, "Oh, I want people to like me and whatever." It's like this conditioning when you've gone through abusive situations where you feel like, "Yeah, I really don't want to upset anyone." And that's a great goal.
(03:30)
We never want to upset anyone, right? But sometimes when things are not aligned in whatever way, you do have to make decisions and you have to do what is right for you, which usually, let's be honest, is right for everyone because you're not going to be the best you if you stay in a relationship and whatever situation, if you're staying out of fear. So if you're in any situation right now where you're staying out of fear of either letting someone down, which is, that's my biggest thing. I do not like to let people down. It will eat at me and that's something I've worked on. And so my body, look, my somatic body's still catching up with that a little bit. I know it's okay to do and that we're not going to make everyone a thousand percent happy all of the time. However, my body still is a little stuck going, "Oh, but it still feels bad a little bit." So that's why we do these certain things like tapping we're going to do today.
(04:50)
It's an example to show you this is like life doesn't stop lifeing. Your feelings don't stop. When you're quote healing, that doesn't mean you don't feel things or you don't get triggered or you don't have certain reactions. It's having the tools with, well, how do you deal with it when it comes up? So yes, this week I've had triggers, I've had guilty feelings, all sorts of stuff come out and I have the tools that I have so my body and nervous system can go, "You're still safe. It's not the end of the world. Your brain knows that, but this body over here is having a little trouble." So you're going to have reactions. Today we're going to do tapping around watching them move on. This is a theme that has come up with multiple clients of mine. So like recently, so I noticed a pattern and was like, maybe this is God telling me I need to do a tapping session in general.
(05:51)
And I was first just going to put it on like YouTube, like do a short on YouTube or Instagram and maybe I'll still do that. But I felt like, well, where's my real audience? Where are my peeps? And you're here. So even though we're on audio, I'm going to walk you through and tell you what to do with the tapping. I'm doing a video. I look like trash because I'm not feeling very well, but I'm going to put the video on YouTube. So I will link that in the show notes so you are able to get the visual if you want it and just don't mind my trash look. Today, what is it? Thursday? Thursday's trash look like Christie. All right. So watching them move on. First we're going to talk about it real quick. Watching them move on is never easy. Even if let's say you're the one who decided to end the relationship, you're the one who decided to walk away or just you know it wasn't right and that they were mistreating you, all of this.
(06:51)
And you're like, "Well, why do I still care? Why am I still looking at their social media? Why am I still upset when I see my ex, let's say it's co-parenting." When I see him now dating someone and logically you get upset with yourself going, "Why do I care? I know he's not good for me. I don't want to be with him. He's awful. Why do I care?" But that is a part of this. It's because you've been so conditioned by this type of person and that's a whole other episode in and of itself. Part of that can be worse tying to comparison. They have moved on and maybe you haven't or they move on and you look at this new person thinking, "Oh my God, is she better than me? " Do they think she's nicer? Are they going to treat her so good?
(07:50)
Thinking that this partner's going to change, which no, they'll treat her like trash eventually too. They will love Bomb like they did with you in the beginning, right? But a leopard's a leper, right? Those spots don't change with narcissist usually. Also, what do we call that 0.0060147% that change? Maybe, but let's not hold our breath for that. So you get my point, right? You often want to look at yourself and have that strength to say, "I don't care. I don't care." But you're human and you've been conditioned and there are worth issues for you that have stemmed from being in a relationship like this where you are now trying to figure out your worth by what they're doing. And so we're going to end that. We're going to end that today. So with tapping, you tap certain points. Now I got to put ... Where am I going to put my microphone?
(08:54)
I didn't think about this. I'm holding my microphone because I'm in my bed today. It's a lazy day. I usually have it on a desk, so I'm going to have to figure out what to do with that. But the tapping points, when you tap them, you do this karate chop point in the beginning. That's to activate. I call them like the energy channels, right? Where this stuff really gets more embodied in your body rather than just words. Words are great too. Repetition. There's all sorts of things that can help rewire the brain. Tapping it in your body is another level where you're doing these points and your body's starting to viscerally feel and accept, right? Kind of digest what you're saying with your brain now that's signaling your body once you're opening these channels. So it's finally working in parallel rather than just the brain going, "Oh yeah, I know logically I shouldn't care." But your body's like, "But I care." Right?
(09:46)
Does that make sense? Good. All right. So this practice will help release the habit of measuring your healing by what a former partner, friend, boss, whatever, parent is doing with their life. Maybe it's after you have cut them off, maybe you're co-parenting. This is the one that's come up a lot in the last couple of weeks for my clients, seeing that they really are having trouble with seeing their exes move on and questioning themselves because of it. So it's bringing focus back to you, your body, your nervous system, and your own healing, because that's what matters. What they're doing really has nothing to do with you, but I know sometimes that's hard for us to ... We can hear it, but to process it is a very different thing, right? All right. So that being said, let's start. So it's good with tapping, so you just get a sense.
(10:51)
You first will rate zero to 10. You will ask, when you think about what their life looks like compared to yours in general, or with this person, a new person, or just in general, maybe they got this amazing job or they got the gorgeous house or the race car or the donuts. Okay. Notice how activated your body is, right? How do you feel? Not your thoughts, but really like, how's your body feeling? Rate it from zero to 10, the intensity of that anxiousness or annoyance or whatever comes up. We don't need to label the feeling. We're labeling the intensity of that feeling, zero to 10. So I'm going to zoom back on my own life. I had broken up with a narcissist, and I will tell you it was my choice.
(11:54)
At that point, finally, I had gone back to him and broken up, but when I really ended it the last time, I was very, very sure. When I ran into him, how many years later I had that visceral reaction. I had it in my body of, A, just him moving on. He was with someone else. I was like, all these thoughts of, "Oh, what if she's more this? What if she's more that? " Even though I didn't want to be with him, it was just how this kind of works. I'm trying to think viscerally what that would've been like then. Probably an eight and I wasn't even ... I mean, that was a couple years after. So that intensity, what is that, zero to 10? Just remember that number. And now we're going to go into the actual tapping. So of course, get settled and take a good halo breath through your nose and now at your mouth.
(12:52)
Let your body just settle a little bit. And all right. So the karate chop point. I guess it's good I'm holding my microphone because I'm going to have to describe it without doing it for you audio people. But no, I do need to find something. Hold on. Let me see.
(13:14)
Okay. So karate chop is halfway between the bottom of your pinky and the bottom of your palm on the side. So it's the sides of your hands in the middle there, in the meaty part, each hand. And if you're watching, you can see me. Okay? If you're not, you basically put those in a cross position like perpendicular. So those spots are meeting and you're just bouncing, right? One, two, three. You just, you're karate chopping your hands together, opening the channel. This part you only have to do once when you are starting the rounds. We're going to do three rounds today. Yeah. Okay? So got your karate chop point. I got my little script. I made a beautiful script for you guys. All right. So you're going to repeat after me while you're just doing the karate chop point. As we're opening up, just listen to these words and repeat after me.
(14:20)
Even though I keep measuring my healing by what their life looks like, I deeply and completely accept myself.
(14:37)
Okay. Next. Even though part of me keeps checking, whether they're doing well or not, my nervous system learned to watch them to stay safe. Okay. Last one here. Even though my mind keeps going back to their life, I'm open to bringing my attention back to myself. All right. So now we're getting to the regular tapping part here. Okay? So we're going to have three rounds. Round one is acknowledging the pain. So let me tell you the points. As we go in round one, I'll tell you where to put your fingers. We're going to use your first, middle and ring finger, keep them together, right? Like they're little buddies, their cousins hanging out. And on the eyebrow, we're going to start right in the center, like where your eyebrow starts essentially, right? And you're just going to tap there and repeat everything after me. I'm not going to say it every time.
(15:48)
So anything I say, I'm giving you space to repeat. All right. So this is acknowledging the pain, round one.
(15:55)
So we're on that eyebrow point. I keep thinking about what their life looks like. Side of the eye on the temple, same three fingers. My mind keeps checking on them. Under the eye, that orbital bone right there. Are they happy? Are they struggling? Now under the nose, this is halfway between the nose and the upper lip. It feels like that somehow means something about me. Chin, just in the middle of the chin. My brain learned to monitor them. Then we go to the collarbone. I kind of spread my fingers out a little bit here. That's what helped me survive the relationship.
(17:04)
You can do underarm where the bra strap would lay on the side of your body. My nervous system got used to tracking them. They were going to bring it to the top of the head, right in the center, so that your three fingers are like in a line front to back. And that habit is still there. Round two, we're doing understanding the nervous system here. Okay? Back to the eyebrow. My brain still thinks I need to watch them. Side of the eye, temple, as if their life determines my healing. Under the eye. But that's an old survival pattern.
(18:10)
Under the nose. My body was trained to stay focused on them. Now the chin, but I don't have to live there anymore. Collarbone. I can start bringing the focus back to me. Underarm. My healing lives in my body. That's right, Queen. Back to top of the head. Not in what their life looks like. Okay. For round three, reclaiming focus. Okay, go back to that eyebrow. I'm allowed to stop measuring my healing by them. Side eye. I can measure healing by my peace. Yes. It's the good stuff. Round three is always the best. Under the eye, by my calm, under the nose, by my boundaries.
(19:42)
The chin. My ability to choose myself. Collarbone. My nervous system learning safety again. Underarm. My life getting bigger. Top of the head. And them becoming less important. All right. Now place a hand on your heart. Take a nice, slow inhale through the nose and release. Notice your body. Ask yourself what feels different in my body right now. Not your emotions, what feels different? Small shifts in your breath. Your shoulders, tension, your chest. All signs that your nervous system is healing. That shift is actual healing. So going back to that zero to 10 scale, we started where maybe it was a seven or an eight. What is it now?
(21:14)
I imagine it's dropped. That's why we do this, right? And that is proof that your body absolutely can heal through this type of work, right? Through rewiring plus coding it through the body with methods like tapping. There are many more, but tapping is always a fun intro one. So if you want more, if you want more, if you want one-on-one somatic healing like this with the coaching and navigating like we do all of it, I will have all of my offers listed. I do have ... Let's see. Let me look. I think I have two more openings for the month of March for my special calm and clarity reset calls. And I can tell you what is included in that. So that is one call. It's 60 minutes. It's a Zoom. It's to help calm the emotional overwhelm quickly, to feel grounded instead of reactive, a safe space to talk through what's happening, and then personalized boundary or response guidance.
(22:35)
And then a clear next step, plan. What do you need to do next? And then options for continued support. So ongoing support is what makes true transformation, obviously. So this can be a lead into that. This can be a, "Oh, I'm curious about this work. Let me try it. " And if you like it, you can have ongoing support with me once a week and work on not just the mindset, not just navigating. And we do that and that's great, but also this mind-blowing body work, this somatic healing that to me was the missing piece of the puzzle for so many years. So you'll walk away with a calmer nervous system, right? Not just talking it out. Sometimes we can talk it out and feel worse or just heavy. And then the clearest next step for your situation. And then if you want to work on a script, a boundary, a response plan, if you're in a situation made with a co-parent or a parent, your own parent, whatever the situation is so that you can just have some clarity and calm because those are a big part of peace.
(23:54)
And you know, I'm the queen of peace over here. So I hope you enjoyed this. And definitely look at, go check out the Calm and Clarity Reset call, sign up for that. And then if you know you want ongoing work, which some people just jump into, I have three, six, and 12 month options. Everything's listed in my description box. Okay? So definitely come, do the one-on-one work. You deserve it. There is so much transformation that you can have that you have no idea the joy and peace you can feel until you do this work, especially if you're someone who went through a lot of childhood stuff. You may not know what it feels like to be at peace and to be clearheaded and to trust yourself. And we do all of that work, but that is, you got to show up. And that is the ongoing work to do that level of transformation.
(24:56)
So if what you want to do right now is just a one-off call to just get a little nervous system calm and a little direction, great. If you want to see about ongoing work but want to test it out, that call's great for that too. And if you just want to dive the hell in, like some of my clients do, they skip that call and they're like, "I know I need to do this. " There are all those options too. And with those calls also, the longer you sign up, there are different pricing tiers you do save if you sign up for a little longer term and you get the benefits of getting access to me every day, not all day, every day. I got a life guys, but on an app called Voxer. So you can text or leave voice message for me between the weekly calls, which my clients love this bonus.
(25:54)
And this is only with the ongoing packages, but it's great for when you're just spinning out and you need a little either talk it out or a little, I give customized even like tappings or affirmations, customized different little somatic methods I can give through the app. And or if someone's asking, right? I have co-parents ask advice like, "Oh my gosh, he just wrote me this. What should I respond?" Stuff like that. Okay? So it is a great, great bonus you have when you do ongoing work with me. But either way, sign up. If you have not done somatic healing, let's do it. Can we please do this together? It's amazing. So sign up there and don't forget to follow. Like I said, this is an ongoing thing. So you want to get as many of these episodes in as you can. Thursdays are the Thrive in Five.
(26:52)
So that's the ones you want to save and you can use at your leisure when things come up to help your body chill, your mind chill. So don't forget to follow on whatever platform you're on so you don't miss any of these episodes. Okay? All right. You are queens. I love you guys so much. I will let you go and I will see you in the next one. Bye.
Denmark