NARCISSISTIC ABUSE RECOVERY | Narcissist, Co-Parenting, Grey Rock Method, Boundaries, Healing, Toxic Relationship

If the new year feels confusing, quiet, or emotionally heavy after narcissistic abuse, this episode explains why — and what it actually means. After narcissistic abuse, healing isn’t about becoming a “new you.” It’s about shedding the survival identity you were forced into and reclaiming a self-led identity rooted in safety, peace, and self-trust. I offer longer-term 1:1 coaching containers designed to help you stabilize your nervous system, rebuild self-trust, and reclaim your peace in a grounded, sustainable way — especially during emotionally charged seasons. ✨ 3-Month Coaching Container Focused support to stabilize your nervous system, strengthen boundaries, and begin rebuilding peace and self-trust. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ ✨ 6-Month Coaching Container Extended support to deepen the work, practice boundaries in real life, and integrate new patterns with consistency. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ ✨ 12-Month Coaching Container Long-term mentorship and steady support while you rebuild your life at a grounded, sustainable pace. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ Additional Support & Resources Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free) Learn how to set and hold boundaries without spiraling into guilt or over-explaining. https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/ Empowered Boundaries Course https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Join the Free Facebook Community https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade Questions or support: 00:00): Oh, we are coming up on the New York Queens. It is almost 2026. And if the new year feels strange to you, a little out of the ordinary, maybe you're not rushing into your goals or your vision boards. I love a good vision board, by the way. If you feel quieter like you want to be not so peopley, it's not because you're stuck. It's because the version of you that survived narcissistic abuse is no longer who you are becoming. Today, we're going to talk about identity after narcissistic abuse and who you are when you're no longer being controlled, manipulated, or emotionally hijacked by somebody else. (00:49) Welcome to your Thursday Thrive In Five, your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting, and that text you knew better than to reply to. Take a breath queen. This one's for you. Let's start here. This part really, really matters. The identity you had to become to survive. Okay? When you are in a narcissistic relationship, you don't have any kind where you are being controlled. You don't just lose time and energy. You lose access to yourself. I call it the solid brick. We're born this beautiful golden brick that has all these amazing things. That's us. That's our authentic self. And as we grow, and this could be in childhood, if it's also society and other people's shoulds and whatever, we've got all this dirt and stuff just covering that shiny, beautiful gold brick. If you are in a toxic or narcissistic relationship, it's basically a bunch of bullshit all over you, right? (02:00) Until you come onto the other side, grab hands with Christie Jade and we pull you out, wipe you off, shine you up, get your crown back. But you are losing access to that self, that golden version of you. So you may have had glimpses of it. You could have never really known it fully because it was lost also in childhood. You could have had parents and then toxic relationships after you were out of your house, what other situation is. But you become the version of you who stays alert, the version who anticipates others' moods. You know the eggshell walking on them. Yeah. The version who explains, well, over explains, softens, edits what you say adjusts or the version who survives by being easy. The people pleasing can come in there. And here's the truth no one really says out loud, but yours truly will because you know I'm a truth speaker. (03:05) Women don't leave a narcissist and step into freedom. They leave and they bring the survival identity with them. Okay? (03:20) That freedom is not something you just walk into immediately. So if you're thinking, why don't I know what I want? Not necessarily just relationship wise and different aspects of life. Why do I still feel on edge? Why doesn't the new year feel exciting? It's because your nervous system has not caught up to the fact that you are safe now. So why does the new year feel weird after narcissistic abuse? The new year brings space. It's a new space and the space can feel terrifying when chaos was familiar. I just had this talk with one of my clients today. You are so familiar with chaos. It's not saying you want it. It's not saying, "Oh, I desire chaos or I thrive off drama or whatever." It's just, especially if you've been going through something like this for years, it can really be terrifying when you now have space, openness, which is the opposite of chaos. (04:36) You can be scared to even shut your thoughts off because it's too damn quiet in your head. We don't know what to do with that, right? (04:48) I'm saying we, because I've been there. You know I have been there and I'm on the other side and it's so nice to be able to shut my brain off. I'm not saying I never have little moments, but from what it was to now is insane in a good way. So you're not being pulled anymore. You're not reacting the way you used to. You're not performing. I'm not saying you never do. There's little bits of this we may still have trickles of, but in general, on this like twenty four seven under the thumb of a narcissist, you are always analyzing, waiting, worrying, eggshelling and performing, putting on a facade and being controlled and told what to do, not to do, worried of making the wrong moves, all of that. So instead of excitement, you feel maybe flat, maybe confused, unmotivated, or maybe oddly emotional, different emotions. (05:50) It doesn't have to just be one specific emotion of anger or sadness. It could be sadness. It could be emotional exhaustion. Again, one of my clients today was talking about that. That's a common thing. After you've gone through such a big transition outside the narcissistic abuse recovery, you're now here, you're already in this other space and now it's a new year. It's a lot. It's a lot to process to take in, even though it seems like it should be exciting and freeing and just a huge amount of relief. Two things can be true at once. There can be relief and there can be pretty much terror, discomfort at the very least. So all of that is not failure on your part. It's what we call identity grief. So you are grieving the woman who held everything together. Sometimes we can take pride in that. The woman who was strong because she had to be. (06:59) Can we all clap for that one? I know you're familiar with that. And that's why this could be its own whole episode about how we can feel so strong and then so weak at the same time and coming out of something being like, "I thought I was so strong and like, damn, how was I so weak? I stayed in that. " It's very mind blowing, right? But you're grieving that. You're grieving the version of you who knew her role, even if it was killing her, you knew your role. It was specific. So let me say this clearly. If the new year feels quiet, it doesn't mean you're lost. It means you're just no longer being controlled. And this is obviously a great thing, but it doesn't mean it's going to feel a hundred percent great right away. You're going to have mixed emotions. So this new identity is not new you, itself led you. (08:11) So this is where people can get it wrong. You don't need this major glow up. You don't need a personality overhaul. You don't need a brand new shiny label, though I love shiny things. You need to stop living reactively. (08:31) The narcissist trained you what? Respond, defend, explain, actually overexplain once again, and earn your peace. Your new identity is self-led. It's not narc reactive anymore. And that's great. That's the good news is it's great, but you've got to get used to this. So that looks like you deciding instead of explaining. So this is putting almost a pressure on you now. You have to decide and make all your own decisions, which can sound amazing and freeing, but it's also maybe uncomfortable or maybe just paralyzing because you don't know exactly what to say, what to do, what you want. What do you want? Maybe you don't even know that after all you've been through. It looks like choosing instead of justifying. (09:38) God, I don't miss having to justify all the time. It means listening to your body instead of overriding it. How many of you have all of these feelings inside and you have to ignore them and you have to white knuckle through? You have to get through the moments. You have to, you have to, you have to. Your body is screaming, "I had to. " Right? And we're letting go of that. It's a lot to let go of. And it's also letting calm be normal, not suspicious. This is big. Okay? I'm going to say it again. Letting calm be normal, not suspicious because guess what? In healthy relationships, calm, peace, it's normal. Feels normal. It feels good. Feels like love. Calm in a toxic relationship is like, oh shit, something's wrong or something's coming. There's no calm. There's no true calm. It's just the calm before the storm in a toxic narcissistic relationship. (10:56) Okay. And this one, maybe write this one on down. (11:04) Your new identity doesn't need to be proven. It needs to be protected. We need to protect her. She's in there already. We're finding her. We're not really creating. I love to say creating because it's empowering to me to say that way, but we're really kind of re-igniting her. She's in there. Might not recognize her. She might be buried under some boo shit, but she's there. But it doesn't need to be proven to anyone. We have this compulsion to prove. We're going to get rid of that compulsion. I'm working on that with several clients right now. The compulsion to prove ourselves, the compulsion to be liked, be good enough, the compulsion to seek approval. Working on all those things with my clients in the somatic sense, healing from the body. And it's amazing work, and we need to protect it. So it's kind of like some rewiring and some protection because you're a damn queen and you need to protect it. (12:20) You are gold. What do we do with gold? We protect it. All right? So here's three identity anchors for the new year for you. Okay? So forget the whole resolution thing. Forget just becoming better. We're going to choose one identity anchor for you instead. Number one, I don't abandon myself anymore. Not for peace, not for approval, not to keep things smooth. (12:56) I no longer abandon myself anymore. That can be one an anchor. Another one, I decide before I explain. So you don't owe context to people who misuse access to you. You don't know them that. You decide. You don't have to explain shit to nobody. I remember my husband, I was so conditioned my whole life to overexplain myself. And if you know, you know, it is a compulsion. It is hardwired in there, it feels like, but it's not hardwired. I got rid of it. It's beautiful. And my husband turned to me one day and he said, I was explaining it was an RSVP to a party. And I was like, write in a damn paragraph, this compulsive, just like, "Oh God, I got to write all the reasons that overexplaining why I couldn't come to a damn party because I can't come. We don't need to write an essay." And he said, "Why do you feel the need to explain yourself in that detail?" He felt bad for me. (14:13) He's like, "That's a lot. That's a lot on you. " And I was like, "I never thought about that. I never thought about it. " And I was like, hmm, why do I? Because I've been conditioned to, because of my life and my past. So I stopped doing that. I actually, I love this book. It's called The Best Yes. I will try to remember to link it in the show notes, but if not, it's by Lisa. I can never think of her last name, but it's L-Y-S-A, I believe. But the best yes, I haven't read it in a while, but when I read it, it was really great. It was when I noticed that I was overexplaining and overbooking and just like that people pleasery side of me of trying to be good enough for everybody all the time. And it was a good book. (15:09) It's the best yes. It's like putting you, your family, and God basically first, but it's a good read. Okay? Anchor number three, peace is my baseline, not something I earn. I think this might be the big mama jama that you might want to cling to. Others are good too. I mean, I write some good shit. What am I going to say? Just kidding. But number three, I know peace is one of, because look, I've done all the market research with you guys. I talked to you guys. I have you fill out things when you get my Facebook group, things you desire. So many people just want peace. I just want peace. That is one of the biggest words. Is this peaceful for me? Is this person ... Do I feel peaceful when I'm around them? Do I leave them feeling at peace? So when I'm making new friends, when I'm deciding on things to do, oh, this party, am I going to feel at peace going? (16:07) It doesn't mean it has to be calm and like we're all zenned out. I can go party it up and dance and still be at peace or feel peaceful, right? But I know that is a buzzword for my audience. So I think this will probably be one of your favorites to hold onto. Peace is my baseline, not something I earn. So the second part of that is let's stop trying to earn our place, to earn our good enough, to earn our success by doing, doing, doing, being somebody else, doing for other people just because we have to abandon ourself. We said not to do that, right? You don't hustle for calm anymore. We're not going to hustle for calm because how crazy does that sound? Yet so many of us do it. (17:03) You're hustling to get to what? Our goal really should be peace and calm and joy. For me, that's not hustled. That's not proving myself anxiously awaiting other people's approvals and all of that that we might have done, but we're not now because this is 2026, baby. All right? So you protect it. Again, you've got to protect your peace. I mean, how many times can I say it on this podcast? Peace bubbles up, baby. Put your golden peace bubble up around you. Just imagine it. When someone's coming into your space, just put that bubble up and say, no, you cannot pass go. You cannot collect $200 from my peace bubble. Okay? So pick one of those. I'm a big fan of number three and let it guide your choices this year. Right? You could just use peace as your word. Does this give me peace? And not everything, obviously. (18:12) Some things like, I mean, does brushing ... Actually, brushing my teeth does bring me peace because then I don't have expensive dental bills, right? But you know what I mean. Okay? So what not to do this January? Quick button port. Don't rush your healing. We are not in a race. We're here for the long haul and that's how you're going to get the results that actually stick. There's no magic pill, but there is magic somatic healing. If you talk to my clients, it is. It's some good stuff. All right? And if you want to sign up, I have three, six and ... Wait, I can't even remember now. Geez, three months, six month, and one year programs. So I will put all of those in the show notes so you can check them out and sign up for which one feels good to you. Obviously, with each package, if you are committing to a longer time, I give you a reward by giving you a little lower price overall because I love committers. (19:26) I love people who are like, "I'm here for it. I'm here for the transformation." I love it. Okay. So don't recreate the chaos because calm feels unfamiliar. This can be a tough one. Start to feel the need like, "Oh my God, it's too calm. It's too calm." That's good. Remind yourself. That's why where the somatic healing does really come in very, very handy. When you're in this in between, right? When you're like, your body is not caught up with your mind. It's like, "I need chaos. What's happening? It's too quiet in here." So you're either going to do the thoughts or you're going to do just the go, go, go, or the throw yourself into work or the intense workouts or whatever. Don't force motivation. Build your safety first. Okay? So healing after narcissistic abuse isn't about doing more. It's about stopping the patterns that require you to disappear. (20:30) Okay? Stopping the patterns that require you to disappear. I mean, the authentic you disappears. The real you is here. We want her. We want her back. So before I wrap, not wrap like Eminem rap, but wrap it up, wrap. I want you to do this with me. Put one hand on your heart. Focus on the support under you. Chair, couch, wherever you are, ground. I don't know where you are. You in a bush and quietly say. You can repeat after me. Okay. I am no longer who I had to be. I am choosing who I get to be. (21:24) Now let your body feel that. Not your mind. I'm choosing who I get to be and I'm releasing this person I had to be. Oh, let her go. Let your shoulders feel that and say like, "That's okay.That's what I'm supposed to feel like. I'm supposed to feel like that. " Okay? So if this episode resonated, here's what I want you to know. You don't rebuild identity alone, right?This is heavy stuff, it's hard stuff, but if you work with me, we can have fun doing it. And I got some tools and tricks up my sleeve if you didn't know. And you can reclaim your sense of self, regulate your nervous system, right? Because your body is screaming probably and stop living in reaction mode. And I have these one-on-one coaching sessions. We do coaching. I help you understand some things about narcissists. If you want to go into that a little bit, some do. (22:34) Some are kind of past that. Understand things about yourself, why you may have done certain things, why in this situation, any guilt you have. We're releasing all of this stuff, understanding and releasing, understand the narcissist. If you're co-parenting, dealing with that, I am going to coach you on dealing with the co-parent. Or if you do have a mother or a sibling, someone you absolutely feel like you have to have some sort of contact with or you're trying to get out of contact with them, we work on all that stuff. But then the other beautiful part that is missing from a lot of coaching is this somatic healing side that is healing from the body that is missing from so much in the world because our bodies remember, they save, they store everything. You get sick, you get cancer, you get ... And I'm not trying to be all woo-woo and weird, but we know this, right? (23:28) You know stress causes a lot of stuff in your body and you get to build self-trust and self-confidence again through releasing these old stories through your body, these stories that these conditions, right? You've been conditioned, you've been controlled. You get to release all of this. Okay? So if you're interested in that, like I said, I will put the links in my little description area in whatever podcast you are watching. Go click away, read about it, sign up for one that feels good to you. And if you want a self ... That's that one-on-one huge transformation. If you want a self-paced, lower ticket item, empowered boundaries course is amazing if you really suck at setting boundaries or sticking to boundaries. I'll put it plainly. So that's there. And I have a couple freebies, my Facebook group, women like you up in there. I'm going to be doing more lives this year and there and stuff, maybe some group calls. (24:34) So make sure to sign up for the Facebook community. It's private, all women, and there's questions to make sure that there's no bots or anybody creepy hanging out in there. Okay? And that's why you have to fill out the questions too, to get in. So everything's in the show notes. You were never broken, baby. You were solid gold. You're still solid gold. That brick is still in there, right? So we just got to sweep all that nasty crap off of you and help you shine again. You get to decide who you are without anyone controlling your life. And that might feel weird. It might feel uncomfortable, but if you keep healing, you keep doing the work, you will get to release that and be ... You will find that joy. I feel like a lot of people feel like, "Oh, I'll never be joyful or how I used to be. (25:30) " It's not true. So let's cut that shit out. (25:36) Beauty happens when you believe and when you receive. So we work on all those things in my coaching. So also Thursday, well, it'll be literally New Year's, right? And I will be doing a Thrive In Five quickie if you don't know if you don't follow me. Hello, welcome. We have our regular longer episodes on Tuesdays and our Thrives in Fives, which is a little somatic healing sesh in five minutes or less or sometimes a little longer because I'm chatty if you don't know, but no more than 10 for sure, I don't think, on Thursdays. Okay? So also make sure you're following my podcast so you get the notification that says, "Yo, bitches, I'm back." Of course you want that. So make sure you hit the follow. I am on YouTube now if you like to see people when they talk. I don't know why you'd want to see this, but some people say, "Do video." So I'm doing video on the YouTube. (26:41) So I will try to put that link. I always forget to put that link in there, but I am on YouTube. It's Christie Jade there too. You can find me even if you just Google it up. And yeah, that's it, I think. Happy new year and not happy new you, but happy finding that amazing golden brick inside of you, bringing that back out. I'm here for it. Are you here for it? You in? All right. Come sign up so we can do some amazing one-on-one work. All right. Smooches and deuces!

Christmas is supposed to feel joyful — but for many women healing from narcissistic abuse, it feels heavy, tense, and emotionally exhausting. If you notice anxiety creeping in, your body staying on high alert, or old wounds resurfacing at Christmas — even if you’re no longer in the relationship — this episode will help you understand why. In this Christmas special, we’re breaking down why narcissists often get worse during the holidays, how Christmas activates trauma stored in the nervous system, and what you can do to protect your peace without forcing yourself to feel festive. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why narcissists are especially triggered by Christmas and family-centered events How holiday expectations create the perfect environment for manipulation and control Why your nervous system reacts before your mind can explain it Common ways narcissists sabotage Christmas, both subtly and overtly How to create a more regulated, emotionally safe holiday experience Boundaries Pocket Guide (Free) Learn how to set and hold boundaries without spiraling into guilt or over-explaining. https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 If you’re ready for deeper, supported healing — especially during emotionally charged seasons like the holidays — I offer longer-term 1:1 containers designed to help you stabilize, rebuild, and reclaim your peace over time. 3-Month Container Focused support to stabilize your nervous system, strengthen boundaries, and begin rebuilding peace and self-trust. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ 6-Month Container Extended support to deepen the work, practice boundaries in real life, and integrate new patterns with consistency. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/6-month-queens-of-peace-program/ 12-Month Container Long-term mentorship and steady support while you rebuild your life at a grounded, sustainable pace. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/12-month-queens-of-peace-program/ Additional Support & Resources Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts: https://christyjade.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/ Empowered Boundaries Course: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Free Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade Questions or support: https://christyjade.podbean.com/e/ep-5-the-grey-rock-method-how-to-disconnect-from-narcissistic-abusers/   TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:00): Hello, queens. If you have ever found yourself thinking, why does Christmas feel so heavy? Or why am I on edge when everyone else seems excited? This episode is for you because when you've dealt with a narcissist, Christmas doesn't really feel festive. It feels like pressure, performance, and emotional landmines. So today we're going to talk about why narcissists get worse at Christmas and why your body reacts before your mind even knows what's happening. Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back? Well, you're in the right place, Queen. I'm Christie, wife, mom, and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dried ice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here. To feel free, I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. (01:07): Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun, because I'm sparkly in fun, so of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep that chamomile tea, silence all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. Okay. So welcome back. I'm Christie Jade. If you are new here, welcome, welcome. This is Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. All the fun things about understanding the narcissist, recovering from the narcissist, starting your new life maybe without the narcissist or how to navigate if you do have to keep in touch with the narcissist, right? But the holidays can be so tricky in all of those ways. So if you're listening to this wall wrapping presents, sitting in your car, hiding in the bathroom, maybe with the chocolate, or trying to hold it together while everyone else is talking about how magical the season is, I want you to know something. (02:11): Nothing is wrong with you. If Christmas brings up dread instead of joy, if your chest feels tight, if you feel on edge, emotional or maybe numb and disconnected, this episode is going to help you. All right? So why do narcissists get worse at Christmas? You may have guessed this or felt like they do, but why would they? Let's start there. Christmas is emotionally loaded. A lot of expectations, as we all know, traditions, family pressure, kids making memories, performance, right? There's a lot of performing going on and narcissists thrive in environments like this. Christmas gives them built-in attention, right? Built in guilt, built in control, the big runner of their life, and built in audience. I say this because it's especially true here. The holidays are like a narcissist Super Bowl. Okay? They don't experience Christmas as connection like we do. They experience it as an opportunity. (03:19): So this could be an opportunity to control the mood, to play the victim, to be the hero. That's often a big one around holidays. Or quietly sabotage joy without looking like the bad guy. And if kids are involved, which I know a lot of you are co-parenting, Christmas becomes leverage, schedules, gifts, plans, traditions. It's all emotionally charged and it's easy to manipulate. And who's really good at manipulating? Yes, yes. Leonard. So if you ever thought, why is he or she so much worse at Christmas, you're not imagining it. There is a pattern. Okay? This goes also for other holidays and birthdays, especially yours. So you can use some of this stuff also in relation to those. So what are some common ways they ruin Christmas? We're going to name this clearly because clarity is coming for our pretty little nervous systems. So narcissists often ruin Christmas by creating last minute chaos. (04:31): You have a plan, you've maybe created that plan with them. They're going to maybe burn it to the ground just because, nothing like a little last Christmas chaos, last minute chaos. Picking fights right before events, right? Right before, maybe it's the kid trade-off. Maybe if you do kind of co-parent and have meals together, I don't know if that's possible with some, even though you're not comfortable, you may do it anyway because you have done some people pleasing in your life. Maybe you do it for the kids. They will pick fights right before or even during these events. (05:11): They can ruin it by withholding affection, cooperation or money like they do in a relationship. So if you are still in a relationship with them, or even if you are not, they can use especially the money thing during times where there's gift giving. They can play the victim when boundaries are set, like your boundaries or some awful weapon when it's just protecting you and your peace, maybe your child's peace, and making everything about their feelings or quietly draining the joy with tension, size, passive comments. It depends on what type of narcissist they are. It's not always loud. It can be somewhat subtle sometimes you have to look for it. And that subtlety is what can make you doubt yourself though, right? Those specific type of narcissists. You're like, "Am I being too sensitive? Maybe I'm reading into this. Why can't I just enjoy this? It's Christmas." But your nervous system knows something your mind keeps trying to override. (06:21): Your nervous system knows something. Your mind is trying to just kind of dismiss. Okay? So why Christmas triggers you even if you're out? (06:37): This is the part I really want you to hear. Christmas doesn't just trigger memories, which you can. It triggers stored survival responses. Your body remembers the walking on eggshells. It remembers managing moods, someone's specific moods. It remembers performing happiness. It remembers trying to keep the peace. It remembers bracing for something to go wrong. I want you to feel that one, okay? You feel that in your nervous system? I know you do. The body remembers that feeling. Bracing for something to go wrong, just waiting on pins and needles for something to go wrong because it always does. Even if the narcissist isn't physically present in your daily life anymore, your nervous system learned Christmas equals vigilance. And here's the grief aspect. There's grief for the family hoped for, the Christmas you wanted, hoped for, the version of joy that never felt safe. (07:55): It's like you became comfortable with a joy that was not safe, if that makes sense. And society makes this harder because everyone says, "But it's Christmas," which can make you in turn feel broken or like something's wrong with you or not feeling the same elated joy that others are, but you're not broken. You're responding normally to abnormal experiences. I'll say that again. You're responding normally to abnormal experiences that have taken place. So a quick somatic reset. Let's give your nervous system a moment of safety here. Okay? Wherever you are, just pause. And if you're driving, save this for later. But if you're not and you're in a place you can do this, look around and find one thing your eyes naturally want to rest on. Mine obviously, again, want to rest on a flamingo, because why not? They're so fun and pink and gorgeous and just make me happy. (09:10): All right? But don't analyze it. Just notice it. (09:15): This gaze. Now name three things you can see. Two things you can physically feel. I've got a little fuzzy blanket next to me, like pay attention to the texture. And then one thing that feels even slightly comforting right now. Okay. Once you've done that, you can slow, slowly breathe in through your nose, long exhale through your mouth. Nothing to fix. Nothing to force. Reminding your body, I am safe in this moment. Okay? And how do you protect your piece this Christmas? It's not about creating the perfect Christmas. Okay? I don't know if any of us really have that. It's about creating a regulated one. So a few things that can actually help. First, lowering your expectations strategically. So not as defeat, but as a protection, right? Not saying, "Oh, all that. " Not making it so heavy, but more like, "You know what? I'm going to try to enjoy myself as much as I can, might not be perfect, and I'm going to place my boundaries up. (11:04): I'm going to lower my expectations." Giving permission to have lower expectations, right? Giving permission. It's okay. I'm in a situation where I might not have that elated joy right now. Maybe that'll change in the future, but right now I'm not there. So I'm going to lower my expectations so I actually can have a little more joy. It sounds weird, but that is how it works. (11:33): As a protection for yourself. Next, shorten visits and conversations. Gray rock method the heck out of the narcissist if you can. If you don't know what that is, I'll try to remember to put the link in my description box for the Gray Rock Method episode. Create new neutral traditions instead of forcing old ones. Create something new, right? Decide one boundary you will not negotiate with in relation to this and give yourself permission to opt out of something that costs too much energetically for you. Or maybe it's monetary too. All of these things can wreak havoc on our nervous systems. Spending too much money, too much energy on top of dealing with the trauma you may be dealing with. So we don't need to add the layers on. We don't need to perform. We don't need to have the best thing or the most presence for our kids or the matching pajamas. (12:55): I mean, if I have them, great. I mean, they're cute, but this is not a need here. (13:02): You just need to protect yourself enough to get through it, to get through it. And I do believe the more you do these things and the expectations when you lower and give yourself permission, like, "I'm going to enjoy it in my way," you actually will end up feeling a little more joyful than you may have thought. So your next step, if you're navigating guilt, family pressure, or boundary conversations, I have a free boundaries pocket guide. If you don't have it, it's always in the description box. It's free and it walks you through how to set and hold boundaries without the guilt. (13:47): There's also a boundaries course. If you are like, "I really need help with boundaries," majorly I will put that in there. You can click the link, read about it. And of course, if you want transformational, we are not messing around. I cannot do this anymore energy and you're ready to do the work. And I was just talking to a client about this today. I say the work in quotes because yes, there's certain actions you have to take, but a lot of the work when you work with me is the somatic healing, the body healing where it's like you get a break from really overthinking. And I know a lot of you overthink, including myself, people who've gone through narcissistic abuse, we get all sorts of fun in our head. So we go on journeys together. Think of it as it's healing journeys, visualizations, meditations, all different methods, but you are receiving. (14:57): Instead of doing, you are receiving and you are healing through your body. And it's just refreshing to have that release rather than working and thinking and writing in the journal and all those things have their place. But somatic healing is just something so amazing that you don't really get exactly until you do it. So I try to explain it the best I can and you can click and look at the description further to see if it's a match for what you need right now. I have three month, six month and one year long programs. (15:39): You're going to get transformation no matter what. I actually just now changed. I used to do monthly. I no longer do monthlies because it's just the insane transformation you get at three months, six months to ... It's for something like narcissistic abuse, it's not an overnight fix. Can I do one session and help you? Yeah. Can I do a month? And you'd be like, wow, that was really helpful. Yeah. But I have found the most beneficial for my clients that sweet spot of three months or more is just overwhelmingly transformational. That's the only word I can really use. It's epic, mind-blowing stuff that happens in these sessions, the somatic. And of course, we do coaching and some talk therapy type stuff as well. Depending on where you are in your journey, we may do half a session kind of coaching, the next half hour doing somatic. (16:54): It depends on where you are in your journey and also what that week looks like for you. For example, I had a client this week that there was a lot going on with her ex. And so there was a lot of dialogue between them. So it was kind of thinking about, okay, he did this, talking at logistical and what should I do here? So there was a lot of talking and a lot of what do we do moving forward? Sometimes there's legal stuff involved that I will ... I'm not a lawyer. I will never claim to be a lawyer, but I can help in creating questions for your lawyer and just advising, but never without an attorney stamp. But there's all sorts of stuff we can talk about and sometimes it's talkier. But then I have another client this week that she just was so overwhelmed this week and just she's healing. (17:57): She's much more empowered, but with that empowerment comes the narcissist can sometimes come up a little harder and you feel more empowered, but it's like, woo, okay, I did that. I'm so excited. I was able to do that and set that boundary and stick with that boundary, but I'd love a release. So we did an epic hour long somatic journey where she was just like, "Oh my gosh, this is better than any therapy I've ever had. This is mind blowing." So every session is going to look different for every person. And even for each person, every session won't be exactly the same. Might be 10 minutes of talk, 40 of somatic, might be 40 of somatic, 10 of talk. So I just want to give you a better idea and you can always email me and ask me if you want to jump on a quick call to get more clarity on what the work we do looks like. (19:03): And if you don't know, with the three month and above, which is all my programs that I'm doing right now, they have the bonus of Voxer, which is a walkie-talkie app. You can either leave a voice message. Most my clients just text on it, but in between sessions, you are allowed to text me. And I just got, someone texted just two really big wins they had after our session related to that. So that was cool. And then people will ask questions or, "Hey, I just need a little guidance. What do you think I should do? " Or, "Hey, I just need a little pep talk." Whatever you need between sessions, you get to have that space there. So that's the bonuses. And now that there's no monthly, I didn't have that with monthly. I have that with, it's called the Voxer is the app. I forget if I said that, but I have that with the three month and above. (20:04): So whatever program you choose, you're going to get that as a bonus. Like, what? It's the hotness. It's the hot queen level shit. All right. So sorry I blabbed on about that, but I feel like it's hard to convey in just a couple seconds what sessions are like. Maybe I should do an episode just describing what sessions are like. So if someone's interested, they could just listen to that. All right. So if Christmas does feel heavy, it doesn't mean you are failing at healing or you're damaged or broken. It means your body is telling the truth about what it's been through. Remember, our body stores everything and our mind is up here going over here and our body's still storing stuff. And so we're still going to feel it. So be gentle with yourself, okay? Protect your peace. That's like my motto. Protect your peace with your golden peace bubble. (21:05): Put it on. Everybody strap it on for the holidays. And remember, you don't owe anyone a performance. You don't have to get sucked into all the things all the people are doing out there. You be you, you listen to your body and what you can and can't do, what capacity you have. Can we really normalize that? We all have different capacities and that's okay. (21:36): And some people you see out there that are doing all the things and you're like, "Man, they're Superwoman." You know they're far past their capacity and they're having a damn mental breakdown inside. So everything isn't what it seems either. Okay? I just want to make that really clear. Capacity, it's a thing. We all have different capacities. That's okay. Let's normalize that. It's okay if you don't have the capacity to make ... I don't know. I don't make anything. I don't have the capacity to bake all these. My daughter does. She's the baker in this house. Gosh, all these people baking 50 million cookies and doing all the things, that's their thing. It brings them joy. Good. But the pressure to do all the things around the holidays on top of dealing with what your triggers or if you have to co-parent with a narc, I mean, there's a lot. (22:35): Give yourself a break. This is your holiday season too. Do joy your way at your capacity. All right? All right. So Thursday. Oh my gosh. I don't think I'm going to do ... Am I going to do a Thursday show? Is that Christmas Day? It is. Christmas Eve. Am I going to ... Gosh, will you even listen? Do you even want one? I feel like I'm ... I know I should listen to myself right now. I should be like, do I have the capacity? I guess if I have the capacity to do a Christmas Eve show, I will. I will see if I have ... I am taking off. Technically, I'm not working starting tomorrow through the rest of the week. I have no clients. Today we're my last few clients for this week. I only had a few today. And then I'm going to start. (23:30): I'm going to have more next week again, but I took off Tuesday through Friday. So if I have extra capacity and I want to jump on and do a little mini Thrivent five, I will, but I'm not putting the pressure on myself. That's going to be my Christmas present to myself because I love my work. So it doesn't always feel like work and I love doing it and I want you guys to just be happy and thrive in all this. So I feel like this compulsion at the same time to do the things, even if it's a little past my capacity. But I'm going to honor my capacity since I'm preaching that today. All right? So everyone, this holiday week, I solemnly swear I will not push past my capacity at the end. All right. So I will either see you Thursday or Tuesday and you have a Merry, Merry Christmas or Hanukkah if you had just celebrated Hanukkah. (24:37): Kwanzaa, all the holidays. Whatever you celebrate, I hope you can find your type of joy at your capacity this holiday season, and I will see you in the next episode. Move to.

When your child is stressed or dysregulated — especially after time with a narcissistic, high-conflict, or toxic person — you don’t need the perfect words. In this Thrive in Five, I share a simple 5-minute co-regulation practice you can do with your child to help their nervous system settle and feel safe again. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why you don’t need to fix or explain in these moments A step-by-step 5-minute regulation tool How to help your child feel safe without forcing conversation This tool works after exchanges, during anxiety or shutdowns, and with any stressed or anxious child — not just in narcissistic co-parenting situations. Your Next Step in Healing If co-parenting with a narcissist is impacting your peace or your child’s emotional safety, my 3-Month Transformational Coaching Deep-Dive provides grounded support, boundaries, and nervous-system regulation. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ Free Support Boundaries Pocket Guide: https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/peaceloveandboundaries Questions? Email me at https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ Free Support Boundaries Pocket Guide: https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 Facebook Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/peaceloveandboundaries 📧 Questions? Email me at [email protected]

Episode Summary When you’re co-parenting with a narcissist, your child often absorbs stress they don’t have words for yet. Meltdowns, shutdowns, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm aren’t misbehavior — they’re nervous system responses to chaos. In this episode, Christy shares simple coping tools you can do with your child — not lectures, not fixing, not “calm down” energy — but practical nervous-system supports that create safety, connection, and regulation for both of you. These tools are especially helpful for parents navigating high-conflict co-parenting, post-separation abuse, or emotional manipulation from the other parent. What You’ll Learn Why kids feel narcissistic chaos in their bodies before they can explain it How to help your child regulate without talking badly about the other parent Simple nervous-system tools you can do together Why regulating yourself first is the most powerful parenting move How repair builds more safety than perfection ever could Your Next Step in Healing If you’re trying to support your child while also holding yourself together in a high-conflict co-parenting dynamic, you don’t have to do this alone. I offer 1:1 coaching and somatic support to help you regulate your nervous system, set grounded boundaries, and show up as the calm anchor your child needs — even when the other parent creates chaos. 👉 Transformational Coaching Monthly https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ Additional Support & Resources Copy-Paste-Peace Scripts (for high-conflict communication): 00:00): Hello, hello Queens. It's your other queen. Are we queening today? Are we full of queen energy? Good. I have got a special episode for you today that actually one of my clients asked if I would do a podcast dedicated to this. And when you guys want me to do something, I say how, hi, because I'm here for you baby. Alright. In all seriousness, if you are co-parenting with a narcissist, your child is likely absorbing stress that they do not have language for yet, maybe depending on their age, even if they're teens though, it's hard to navigate this stuff as an adult, let alone a teenager or a child, right? So in this episode, I am sharing coping tools you can do with your child, not lectures, not fixing, not calm down energy, which of course I don't want that, right? But simple nervous system tools that build safety together. (01:01) Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear? Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christy wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dried ice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there, and let's cue your royal glow up. (01:59) Okay? So when a narcissist creates chaos, which they do, kids feel it in their bodies first. They may not say I'm dysregulated, but they say it with meltdowns, withdrawal, irritability, stomach aches. And here's the part I want you to hear. Clearly, your child does not need you to explain the narcissist. They need you to help their body feel safe with you. And I say this to a lot of my clients, I've said it on here, one of your best weapons against the narcissist is being an amazing role model, a calm energy, the peace for your child, no matter what the narcissist is doing, no matter how your child is acting toward you, that's another episode, right? I'm not saying you don't discipline your child and guide them and lead them and teach them, but you stay calm, peaceful energy, right? It's a hard job, but someone's got to do it and it ain't the narc. (03:04) So today, these are tools you can do together side by side that help your child regulate and it helps you stay grounded too. So it two birds with one stone baby. Okay? So tool number one, name what you see without fixing. So instead of you are okay, which that's such a common thing I feel like even in my own upbringing, which is fine, love you, mama, but even generationally, that's something, you're fine. You're okay. And I'm not what we're talking about, but saying, you're okay, it's not a big deal. Instead of that try, I see your shoulders are really tense or looks like something feels heavy right now, then pause. This tells your child, my experience makes sense, right? They know they're feeling off. They may not really think it through as much, but I think saying your shoulders are, you look like something's weighing on you, however you want to put that in child terms, okay? (04:20) So just even that, just naming what you see without fixing it. Because often as parents, we want to, and even my personality, okay? I am a fixer by nature. I want to fix everything, all the things, save the world. Actually right now, I'm waiting to see if my husband will take me to go try to find a lost dog, okay? It's story of my life. I just, whatever. I'm a problem solver, fixer. Many of you're like that. We're empaths, we're sensitive. So we want to fix problems and make everything happy. Happy. We can't, by the way, spoiler alert, we cannot save the world, but we can do the best damn job we can with our kids and ourselves. So just helping them feel like, sorry, if you're watching them on YouTube, I have this hair that's stuck. It's really pissing me off all. But if you are just naming something to the child, they are able to first feel validated and seen, which is important, especially if you have a narc other parent. (05:29) So that's really important. And then just so they even kind of know, oh yeah, that's true, just observing. And you're dealing with a somatic healer right here. So observation is a very big in the somatic world, we don't always have to fix everything right away, obviously we want to heal and learn those tools too. But just observing is a great start. Tool number two, orient together. I've definitely mentioned this one orienting, but it's like a visual safety. So you can say, let's look around and name three things we like seeing, right? We're keeping it very positive. And you can name colors, cozy things, palm trees, flamingos. I'm looking at a flamingo right now. Basically, I think I have a flamingo in every room. That's my happy place. The beach, all things Resorty, palmy, flamingo. Favorite objects, if you're in their room, if you could name their little bunny they sleep with, maybe the pet, the pet's nearby, right? (06:39) Oh my little cute little Scooby-Doo over there. Holiday lights. It's that time of year right now, something that is positive. And this brings the nervous system out of the fight or flight and back into the present moment. And you can do it with them, not as a command. So let's look around and name three things we like seeing and you can alternate or you go first and then they go, especially the first time you're giving them a little example. Tool number three, move the stress out together. So stress gets stuck in kids' bodies just like it does ours, right? So you can try shaking the arms and legs together and making it fun. Just say, let's be a shaky spider. I just made that up. Wasn't that great? The shaky spider dance, right? And just, yeah, I'm a little cuckoo, but hey, it makes for fun. (07:43) My daughter has a blast. I mean, we do silly things like that, especially she's getting a little older now. She's a little t twining here. So now she might look at me, roll her eyes, but she's still doing it. In another year, she's probably going to just be rolling her eyes at me jumping for 10 seconds. Again, you can make it fun. One thing I actually have done with my daughter, just as I have tools just for any nervousness before tests or she had a little perfectionism. So after tests, if she didn't get an A, oh my gosh, to kind of get rid of that energy often I would take her outside too that she said, because now she's gotten better. She goes, it really helped when I was younger, you taking me out of the house, cutting that little cycle. So that's another thing is changing your space. (08:37) And if you can't go outside, you just go to another room. But changing where you are, the environment. But if you can go outside, get the fresh air, maybe get those toes in the dirt, old dirty toes, that can definitely shift the mind and get you out of that. You could do for younger kids, maybe not your tweens or teens. Stretching like animals. That's always fun, right? Oh, I'm a cat. You could do cat cow, like the yoga poses. And another thing that sets off certain good chemicals in the brain is slow, exaggerated neons. It's making me on, I have a great, actually this is for you guys. You can do this with kids too. This is kind of like a side note of just how to just relax. It takes the attention away. And you'll notice. So if you are on just audio, I'm going to put my YouTube link in the description so you can watch this. (09:43) This is awesome, but I'll try to describe it as best I can for those who are just listening, and I can't even really do it. I'm holding my microphone. Let me see if I can put my microphone up in a sec so I don't have to. Okay? Yeah. So you put both your hands behind your head, right? You're like, dang, sex, you look good like clasp behind your head and you put your eyes to the right all the way as far as you can. You're looking at your right elbow until you yawn. It will happen. It actually will happen. See it happen. Then you look all the way to the left until you yawn. It always takes me more time on the left. I have no idea why I'm not going to wait for it. You guys might fall asleep by the time I get there. (10:40) No, usually it takes like three seconds if that on my right and then takes me 30 seconds on my left. Okay? It's crazy. It's crazy town work. But then your neck and everything is a little looser. It is a real thing. You can test it. So before you actually do it, you kind of slowly turn your head to the right, to the left to see how tense it is. When you notice your neck is tense, then you do that move. Look to the right, look to the left, do your yawning, and you will see the magical result that you actually, it's not as stiff proven scientific mayhem that I cannot explain because I don't like all the science stuff. Someone else who's sciencey can tell you more about it. Go look it up. I'm just kidding. I should find out so I can tell you. All right. So anyway, hey, you can do that with any child who can follow directions. So that's another thing. So getting into the physical body to move the stress out. Tool number four, give the feeling a job. I like this one. So instead of asking kids to stop feeling, give the feelings somewhere to go, okay, you can draw it, right? That's good. Old therapy 1 0 1, paint your feelings. (12:05) I had to draw my feelings. I remember in kindergarten, and I remember, I literally remember having to do it. I had separation anxiety with my mom. I did not want to let go of her leg when I started kindergarten, but my parents had just separated. It was a hard time. And so I would not let her go every day. And finally they took me to the school guidance counselor. And I remember, I still can remember in kindergarten, drawing my little family, and it was so sad. I drew my dad far away. We had just separated. I still saw him, but there he was all by himself in the corner. So there you go. You can draw it, draw it. You can squeeze a pillow, you can stomp it out. You can wrap up in a blanket. Maybe you could play burrito. Roll 'em up and just let 'em feel nice and cozy and safe. (13:03) But ask 'em what feeling you have. Maybe it's sad. You could say, Hmm, you want to draw it. You give 'em options, right? Something that is very important in my work I do with you guys, is getting you to make choices for yourself again, for you to build your confidence. Your self trust is so important. It's for most of you has been lost. If you ever had it, depending at the start in childhood, you may have never trusted yourself. And often that can come later to be people pleaser tendencies can be out of that. So this is what I build with my clients. But also if your kids have a narcissist parent, they may also get scrutinized for certain choices or words or whatever. So they may like you. Be careful, walk on eggshells. Just nervous to say or do the wrong thing. So letting them choose. (14:10) Here's this feeling you're saying you have anger. Would you like to scribble it out or would you like to stomp it out, or would you like to run it out? I worked with a lot of a DHD kids and we would do similar things, right? It's getting feelings, getting these energies out because they need somewhere to go. So they don't come out in unhealthy ways. I'm trying to think of another, let's say for withdrawal. That one could be along the lines of, let's wrap you up like a burrito. And just because withdrawal, they're withdrawing, they don't feel safe. So wrapping up a burrito and just letting them observe, how do you feel? What can you do When you don't feel safe, you can hug yourself. So they could give themselves a hug. They could draw something that makes them feel safe. Even when they're not feeling safe, they can draw a picture of that bunny they're sleeping with or whatever. (15:15) You get the vibe I'm going for. So in this work too, this is also stuff I work with you as your soul self when we work together. But I also, a lot of parents do ask for more specific tools they can work on with their kids. So it's more customized. Obviously, if we're doing one-on-one work, check the description for ways to work with me. And starting in January, which is right around the corner, we will be doing either three, six or 3, 6, 3 months, six months or 12 packages only. There will be no more monthly. So if you want to get in a one-off, get in there quick because otherwise you are committed to mid bay for three whole months. But we're having a lot of fun. In my one-on-one sessions, amazing work is happening. I'm really excited about just this upcoming year, all the things. (16:17) But these tools teach emotional safety without the shame. We don't want to shame anybody for having their feelings. Tool number five, regulate yourself out loud. So you can say, I notice my body feels tense, so I'm taking a slow breath. No lecture, no teaching moment, just modeling. You're just observing what you are doing. Kids learn, right? Their eyes are always watching. They're always watching us. They're sponges, right? These are sayings we have because they're true. They learn regulation by watching, not by being told what to do. Sometimes that might stick, but kids, they're observing, they're learning how to live. They're learning how to cope. They're learning, and they're learning by watching you. That's why I say you be that steady, peaceful love bubble for them as much as you can. Again, I'm not saying you coddle. You don't coddle. I'm not a big fan of the coddling. We need to teach them how to cope in healthy ways. And the world is not going to hold them in the big burrito all the time. So they need to learn how to regulate themselves. Okay? And you guys need to remember too, you don't have to be calm all the time. (17:51) And healing is not perfection. I'm talking for yourself, for your kids. We're always going to be healing. No one reaches as, oh, I'm totally healed. Am I like centuries past where I was even five years ago, 10 years ago? Yes. But it is a journey. It is not like, oh, I wish I was healed. And I hear that from my clients, God, it's been this long. The funny part is some people say, oh, it's been two months already. And I'm some say, oh, it's been five years, it's been 10 years. So there's this moving bar. No, just with grief. Just like with grief, there is no timeline of exactly when you're supposed to be quote over it. And we'll never be exactly over it. I'm not trying to say that to be negative. To me that's positive because it means I don't have pressure to get to a certain spot by any point. (18:54) But there are ways to accelerate this healing and somatic healing is one of the many ways, but somatic healing is, it is mind blowing work. The work I've been doing just today, I had a client tell me that she has been doing therapy for years. And she said, but now I'm doing the actual work like this somatic healing. We do coaching too. So with her, I generally do a half hour of coaching, talking, figuring out the narcissist mind in a way, how to navigate, how to have conversation with this person, et cetera. And then the other half is the somatic work. We go on ation. You know what I mean? You don't know what I mean. Maybe we do somatic work. If you don't know, you've come this far. Now you get a little speech at the end. No, but it's healing from the body. (19:53) So the mindset work is great, but without the body work, because your body remembers everything and is not always caught up, it's mostly not caught up with the mind. So it's very important to be doing both phases of healing and the somatic stuff for me and my experience. And like my client said, today it is this accelerated version of healing, but it doesn't feel overwhelming, it doesn't feel heavy. We go slowly. And she said, it's like these small steps, but then there's these big results. So it's amazing work. If you want more information, you can always email me. My email will be in the show notes as well. Alright, so if this episode did help you, it's because these tools are not just for kids. They're for who. Never had someone help their nervous system feel safe. (20:53) Did I hit something there? Did I hit something right? We maybe didn't get that from our parent or someone else. Generationally, a lot of us probably did not. If you were one of the lucky ones that did congratulations, good job for your parent. But when you support your child in this way, you are also healing something in yourself. And you are stopping the cycle. You're stopping this cycle so that then your child is how many steps ahead for their child that they can teach them tools, they can teach them how to cope in healthy ways. So you're doing way better than you think. I know from experience, a lot of my clients are you right? You are my clients. Think that you're not doing enough or you're maybe not parenting perfectly and you're very hard on yourselves and you're very worried. And I get it. (21:56) We worry about our children, but we can't give any child a perfect childhood. We can't guard them from all the things that happen in the world. What we can do is give them the tools to be able to regulate themselves, help their own minds, help their own bodies. And not only does that help them protect them, that bleeds out into the world. And I love a good domino effect. Can I get a what One? Yes. Yay. Alright, so if you like this episode so much, you want to scream it from the rooftops, go share it anywhere with anyone. I mean, really, most people could stand to use some nervous system settlers. So even if you just have a friend that has an overwhelmed kid, these tools could be helpful. So please share this episode and of course, follow the podcast if you're not already following it. (22:58) So you get notified whenever I post, which is two times a week. It's Tuesdays and Thursdays. So Tuesdays are the full episodes. And then we have our Thrive in five on Thursdays, which are a little somatic fun's, like a little bite-size, somatic healing tool of the week. That is always related to Tuesday's episode. So on this Thursday, I might go maybe a little more deeply into one of these tools. So if you have a favorite, join my Facebook private group. Go in there and you can post and tell me which tool you liked, and if you want me to go deeper into it to give more examples or whatever, I love to just work from your feedback, right? So thank you guys for listening. See you in the next episode. Love.

Triggered by a narcissist? In today’s 5-minute reset, I’m giving you the exact process to stop the spiral, calm your nervous system, and shut down the bait before you get pulled into the chaos. If you freeze, overthink, or feel your body react instantly when they say something snarky, passive-aggressive, or manipulative — this quick reset will help you stay grounded, clear, and in your power. In this episode, you’ll learn: What’s really happening in your body when a narcissist triggers you The fastest way to interrupt the emotional hijack A simple somatic grounding tool you can use anytime, anywhere How to shift from reacting → responding Why staying calm is your strongest boundary Take five minutes with me today. Your nervous system will thank you. 💛 Your Next Step in Healing If this episode resonated, your next level of support is here: ✨ Transformational Coaching (1:1 Support) Private, deep healing containers for women rebuilding after narcissistic abuse. Release the trauma patterns, regulate your nervous system, and reclaim your peace. Monthly or 3-Month Deep-Dive options: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-monthly/ https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/transformational-coaching-quarterly/ Copy-Paste Peace Scripts (Most Popular!) Struggling with what to text back? Get clear, firm, emotionally safe responses you can use immediately with toxic or narcissistic people. https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/copy-paste-peace-scripts/ Empowered Boundaries Course A self-paced program to help you set, hold, and ENFORCE boundaries without guilt. https://christyjade.co/empowered-boundaries Free Resources ✨ Boundaries Pocket Guide https://christyjade.ck.page/ce79ea9250 ✨ 30-Day Toxic Relationship Declutter https://christyjade.ck.page/toxicdeclutter ✨ Free Meditation for Instant Calm https://christyjade.ck.page/insider ✨ Abuse Recovery Affirmations https://christyjade.ck.page/affirmations Join the Community Connect with women healing alongside you: https://www.facebook.com/groups/christyjade TRANSCRIPT Speaker 1 (00:03): Welcome to your Thursday, thrive in five. Your five minute pause from the chaos, the gaslighting and that text you knew better than to reply to take a breath queen. This one's for you queens. Have you ever felt that sting in your body? When the narcissist tries to bait you today, we're going to do a five minute reset to shut down that reaction. So their chaos doesn't get to run your nervous system anymore. You in? Alright, so you know when the narcissist throws bait, they love to do it right? The snarky text, the guilt trip, the twist of the truth. Familiar with that one? Yeah. Your body reacts before your brain even has time to catch up, right? There's that spike in your chest, the heat behind your eyes and your head like you just are so frustrated, angry, confused, and then you can even get the urge to fire back. (01:06) Or maybe you have fired back. That's not you being too much or sensitive. It is your nervous system trying to protect you from their fire, right? Their chaos. So today we're going to do a five minute reset that helps you stay unbeatable no matter what they throw at you, right? You get to be in control. So first we're going to step one for, this is the name it Tam it Body check. So you can say out loud like me because I'm a loud mouth, I like to say everything out loud. All my thoughts say out loud or just silently to yourself. My body is reacting, but I'm safe in this moment. And then observe and somatic healing. We do a lot of observing. So observe, where is the tightness? Where is that heat? Where did your breath go? And you're not fixing anything. You are locating the activation. (02:06) And the moment you name it, the amygdala chills out by about 30%. Isn't that amazing? I love that. So that's one of the tools you're getting, I think five today. So step two, the stone spine posture shift. So this one stops the spiraling really fast. So you can sit or stand tall and imagine a stone column running up your spine. Ancient but sexy. That's weird. Why did I just call it column sexy? I don't know. Ancient. I didn't want it to feel ancient. I wanted it to just be golden and unbreakable and heavy in a good way. Grounded. So imagine that going up your spine and say, I am rooted. I am not moving with their chaos. You're unshakeable. Okay? And your body then receives the signal. We don't chase the bait. No, no, we don't defend. We don't perform and we don't sink ourselves to their level. (03:15) Okay, step three, the four, two exhale drop. So we do a lot of breath work in working with me, right? My clients, we're going to practice a little one. You inhale for four through the nose and then you exhale for two seconds longer than the inhale could just be four, six, but this is what it's called. So inhale through the nose. Four, you're exhaling. Six seconds, you're expelling. And why does that work? Because the longer exhales actually flip your body from flight or fight, fight or flight to rest and respond, which is exactly the state that you need to stay in to stay out of their traps. Okay? Step four, the micro boundary mantra. So you can choose one of these phrases and say it slowly. I don't respond from activation. If you're on my YouTube right now, I talk with my hands and all these little hands are popping up. Thumbs up and waving. Okay? Yes, I'm on YouTube too now. Okay, I don't respond from activation. Silence is a strategy. I love this next one. Their urgency is not my urgency. We have been conditioned, conditioned to feel everything is urgent because they've conditioned us that way. Their urgency is not your urgency. (05:01) And last I can choose the timing that protects my piece. It's not all about them anymore. So you can choose one of those phrases for a little boundary moment. Okay? And step five, the future flash. Picture yourself an hour from now. Proud, grounded, and peaceful. I know you love that word. I know you want to get there. So imagine yourself, proud, grounded, peaceful, because you didn't take the bait. What does it feel like to be like, Ooh, I didn't go there with them. They can invite you to their fight. You do not have to join it. They can invite you to their chaos. You don't have to join it. You don't explain. You didn't have to defend yourself. You didn't get pulled into their crazy circus. (06:04) And for that little mantra, I lead with peace, not panic. You don't have to panic anymore. You don't have to have the urgency anymore. We are freeing ourselves from that. You get to say, I didn't take the bait. What would that feel like? I didn't take the bait. Oh, that's true. Freedom right there. Okay, so that's it. Five minutes nervous system reset with, and you can just do a couple of them if you have two minutes, but five minutes, you can do all those things and reset your nervous system. Calm everything down, get everything peaceful and learn these tools and practice them. The more you repeat these tools, the more you use them, the more they become second nature. So it's important to implement them into your daily life. So save this episode, write these down. Get a little cute little pad of paper, write 'em down so they're in plain sight for you to see. (07:10) Carry 'em around in your little pocketbook. Does anyone say pocketbook anymore? I don't think so. In your handbag, in your bag. And yeah, if you want to go deeper with all of this, if you truly want to reset your nervous system in a way that is transformational and you want to kind of accelerate that, that is what you do. Working with me. We do coaching. We get into the narcissist mind. We understand them better. We talk about certain situations. If you are co-parenting or you're a mother or father or sibling, somebody in the family you feel like you are stuck with, we get to navigate all of that. And in parallel work on the somatic side of things, doing this work to heal while we are using these tools to reset, to balance. So we get the mindset work and we get the body work. (08:10) And I love it. I love it. I love doing it. So if you want to work one-on-one with me, always in the show notes, come January, I'm only going to be doing three month, six month, and 12 packages. This will be a shift. There's lots of reasons I'm doing it because we want true transformation. We can do a lot in a month and we've done a lot in a month, but I'm here for the long haulers. We go through seasons. So I want to take you through at least three months. So you really get that huge transformation. Huge. My three monthers, woo, double queen work. Okay? So don't forget to follow my podcast, share it, share it with anyone you think could use it. Some of this stuff is just good for anyone in toxic situations. Not necessarily narcissistic, right? Toxic family environments, toxic relationships, not necessarily even abusive, but if you're dealing with someone who's manipulative or someone who's stressed out all the time or whatever, some of these thrive in fives can be useful for those people too. (09:23) So feel free to share this with anyone who could use a little reset and hit follow on whatever platform You're listening to me. If you are watching me on YouTube, welcome. Hello, here's my face. I probably am going to start doing my podcast on video as well. This started out kind of a long story, but I'll try to make it shorter, but I'm a long story person, but we are having our home remodeled, not our entire home bathroom remodeled. And my setup was upstairs in my bedroom just with my phone and my little microphone. And that was just kind of the setup I've been doing. I've been so busy. I was like, if I have to take out the computer and the, it's just like extra steps and I'm a DD, so the less steps, the more likely it's going to happen and it's worked out beautifully. (10:12) My podcast has really grown a lot the last year since I've been doing this. And now, I mean it's great, but I feel like I want to be on video. I love video. If you don't know, I had a YouTube channel for years, kind of different content, but I want to get back on video. I want to get back on YouTube, so I'm going to see how this goes. And if one night I don't feel like doing it on YouTube and I'm being lazy in the bed on my phone, then I won't do it. I'm not going to put pressure on myself, but let me know on YouTube if you guys do enjoy the video and anyone who's on the podcast, you can feel free to pop over there and see if you like video better. I like both. It depends on my mood as far as watching. (11:01) I listen to a lot of stuff when I'm doing other things like laundry or just can't be staring at a screen. But some people are only video people, so it's another reason I want to get back in the YouTube world. I have had people who are like, I missed you being on YouTube. I don't really do podcasts. So now we can have the best of both worlds. Okay, so I will see you on Tuesday and definitely check out my links to work and you can always email me. Just say hi, introduce yourself, ask questions at Fierce Mama. See at Gmail, that is also in the show notes. Alright, I will see you in the next one. Nos.