But Still, She Thrives - Narcissistic Abuse, Toxic Relationships, Grey Rock Method, Healthy Boundaries, Childhood Abuse, Trauma Healing

• How to Outsmart a Narcissist

  The only course you will ever need to set healthy guilt free boundaries: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Grab your BLUEPRINT to Narcissist Abuse Recovery now! https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ Join my PRIVATE facebook community with other women who have gone through it!! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 My meditations on Insight Timer: https://insig.ht/2Ym63Vh2vRb?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=live_stream_share   TRANSCRIPT: Speaker 1: (00:00) Hello Queens. Welcome to another episode of, but Still She Thrives. Today we are diving into a topic that many of us have encountered at some point in our lives dealing with narcissists. They're all around us. So whether it's a coworker, family member, friend, or even a romantic partner or ex romantic partner, narcissists can be challenging to navigate. But fear not. Christie Jaya is here, . Today we're gonna discuss some strategies on how to outsmart those nasty little narcissists. Speaker 2: (00:34) Hey Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist and you find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal Now? Do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? And mind ed, girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. Speaker 1: (01:31) So first, really briefly, if you are new here, we are gonna touch on what narcissism actually is. It's a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, right? But spoiler alert, narcissists deep, deep down are very wounded, very insecure and powerless. And this is why they have to have this big mask. It's all a big nasty mask. Mask, but it's still there. So we still have to deal with it. It doesn't change the fact that they treat people poorly and have no empathy. They also have such fragile egos and can be so manipulative that it makes interactions with them. Super challenging. And if you have a narcissist in your life, you know what I'm talking about, probably why you clicked on this. So the first step in outsmarting a narcissist is to recognize their behavior patterns. This could include grandiosity, la, lack of empathy, manipulation, and this constant need for attention and admiration, which ain't cute. Speaker 1: (02:36) So, you know, my first advice with a narcissist is Ron. But if you can't continue on and listen, once you've identified a narcissist in your life, whatever relationship that is, the next step is setting healthy boundaries, right? They often push boundaries. They don't give a about your boundaries. They can be quite demanding. So to outsmart them, you need to establish very clear limits on what you're willing to tolerate and communicate them assertively. So you've gotta, this is part of the work I do with my clients, is building that confidence. Because without the confidence, sometimes it isn't believable that you have a boundary or you won't hold the boundary due to fear or guilt or whatever, right? So they may resist these boundaries completely. So standing firm is essential to your wellbeing. They, again, they're gonna try to guilt trip you or play the victim, but stay resolute in your boundaries. Speaker 1: (03:35) Queen, I know you can speaking, which if you don't know I have a boundaries course, all my information is always in my podcast show notes. Go click around in there, see what I have to offer. I have all my coaching offers and my boundaries course, which is epic. You'll love it. Grab it. There's a special bonus going on when you purchase it right now. So now is the time. So we know narcissists thrive on attention and admiration. So to outsmart them, avoid feeding their ego. Do not engage in the excessive flattery. A lot of us at one point or another may think, oh, I'll just try to make them feel better and they'll be nicer to me. Right? No, do not do that. Don't give the constant validation. Instead, focus on rational communication. Like very short and sweet communication. And they say to give constructive feedback when necessary. Speaker 1: (04:32) I, I have a hard time with this. Um, I feel like any feedback, constructive or not, this is not a rational human. So the odds are against you that they're actually going to take it into consideration unless they're like absolutely desperate. But, so that is kind of up to you. I'm always very against giving any constructive feedback to the narcissist that I have had in my life. So that's kind of a personal preference. You can try it out, but I would not have high expectations. But by not giving into their constant need for attention, you can take away some of their power and control. Another crucial strategy is maintaining emotional detachment. Oh, this is such a huge one. Narcissists can be emotionally manipulative, right? We know that. So it's essential to protect, protect, that's a new word, PR protect. That's very passionate way of saying protect , protect your own emotions. Speaker 1: (05:30) Do not take their insults or criticisms of you personally. This is so hard for a lot of us, especially a lot of us are empaths that get sucked into their web, right? A lot of us have big hearts and big feelings and we're sensitive, right? It's, it's tough. But this is why I do what I do with people because this is part of the journey I love helping with, is to get you to that point. Not only do you gain your confidence, but you also learn to unt attach detach, I don't know, are they both words? Um, emotionally so that you can actually navigate successfully. Like whether that's a relationship or you know, you're co-parenting or whatever. So do not take their. Just don't take it. Don't absorb it. Don't take the bait. By staying emotionally grounded and not reacting to their, you can regain control of the situation, which is what we're trying to achieve by outsmarting them, right? Speaker 1: (06:30) I wanna drum roll for this one. Oo, that did not sound like a drum roll. All right? When dealing with a narcissist, it is essential to document every, everything. I cannot reiterate this enough. Keep records of your interactions, messages, any incidents that might be relative. Um, I would like to also say if you can avoid phone calls with them and do text or email, that is so much better because you have all the proof in the pudding and you know, have it documented. You don't know, especially with narcissists, when stuff can turn and get bad, go legal, maybe you want it to go legal, then it's extra important. You have all of these, like this tracking right of the words they say. A lot of times they can't help themselves. So they can be really stupid when it comes to saying that will bite them in the later. Speaker 1: (07:27) It's like, I don't know. The only icing on the cake with a narcissist is they get real stupid 'cause they're so reactionary. So whether it's a workplace situation that turns into a harassment suit or legal disputes divorce, I've seen a lot of divorce situations where thank goodness that these women or men had everything documented and it really was helpful in their favor with custody and all that. Side note, I think I've mentioned this before, but you can, I, I don't do all this legal stuff, don't quote me on this, but I believe you can get some sort of addendum on a divorce decree. Not sure if that's the exact wording, but I think so where you can make it so that a third party sees your communication between each other. This really has helped some of my clients when they're dealing with co-parenting. This has been awesome. Speaker 1: (08:23) They have this app. There's specific apps for co-parenting for this reason or not co-parenting. I say that I always say co-parenting, but having to parent with someone else, co-parenting is really not a good way to describe parenting with a narcissist if you are not together because they don't really co anything after that. Um, do they even co anything at all? So, but if you are parenting with an ex and they are a narcissist, this is really helpful. There are apps, I don't know the names, but talk to your attorney, um, or anyone in the legal field and ask what your options are for having any communication like legally has to be through a third party app sort of thing where I believe the attorney can have the visibility on there as well. And another thing you can also have set, set up is so that they can only contact you about things pertaining to the children. Speaker 1: (09:24) So you're not gonna get all this crappy hate mail for the rest of your life. So yes, I will say narcissists can be some pretty intelligent people. I know a couple of them that are highly intelligent, but one of their weaknesses is they can be very reactive and that can be in our favor as far as them being kind of sloppy with their evidence, right? Stuff that they say. And if you have it documented, it can be pure gold and very helpful if it goes to a legal situation or other ways too. So make sure to document everything. And also maybe this isn't outsmarting a narcissist, but making sure people know like you, I'm not saying go blab your business to everybody, but make sure somebody close to you knows your situation and can help you out. You can lean on them, you can support them. Speaker 1: (10:25) I actually, this is only with someone you really, really trust. I've actually sent stuff that I had documented, I have emailed it to my best friend who I trust greatly so that that evidence is backed up somewhere else as well. Because you never know, narcissists can get cuckoo, especially like if you're still living with one or you think they could have your password, anything like that where they could go and delete everything. So I say if you have a trusted person to lean on, just in general getting support from them, but also thinking about using them as an extra backup. If you truly, truly trust 'em, like a best friend, family member, nobody who you think could get convinced by a narcissist that you're a show person. Because guess what narcissists will do. The smear campaign will, they will start telling all these people all this about you make you look bad. Speaker 1: (11:26) So it has to be someone you know is a thousand percent on your side. So these are some of the ways there's others. And if you wanna go deeper into it, go check out the ways to work with me and sign up for a call or a month or three months or the rest of your life so we can deal with this together. I am here for you. I have a lot of golden nuggets and dealt with all of this myself and I'm in a really great place now. So I love helping you and that's why I do what I do. If you are not subscribed to my podcast, go ahead and hit subscribe or follow or whatever it says on your podcast platform. Don't forget, I release new episodes every single Tuesday and sometimes I have little bonus episodes, so come follow me so you don't miss any episodes. I'm also on social media, Instagram, I'm fierce. Christy Jade on YouTube. I think I'm fierce. Christy Jade, I'm just fierce. Christy Jade all around. Um, also if you wanna email me, just say hi, have any questions. My email address is always in the show notes so you can find me there. Alright, let's settle down the end of the episode. Let's get namaste. Take a deep breath, hands to heart in less you're driving 'cause that's really awkward. And let's just breathe in. Do a couple affirmations. Okay, inhale, exhale and repeat after me. Speaker 1: (12:51) I have power over my own life. Nobody controls me but me. I'm learning every day and am right where I'm supposed to be because I'm a queen. Alright, Queens, I love you, smooches and deuces and all that good stuff and I will see you in the next episode.

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  13:37
• 5 Proven Strategies to Co-Parent with a Narcissist Without Drama : Part 1

  No More Drama: Co-Parenting Sanity Strategies for Narc Survival Grab your BLUEPRINT to Narcissist Abuse Recovery now! https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ The only course you will ever need to set healthy guilt free boundaries: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Join our facebook community!! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 My meditations on Insight Timer: https://insig.ht/2Ym63Vh2vRb?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=live_stream_share EPISODES MENTIONED: EPISODE ON GREY ROCK METHOD  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776 EPISODES ON SETTING BOUNDARIES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-set-boundaries-as-a-people-pleaser/id1662241353?i=1000679893439 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries-without-guilt/id1662241353?i=1000697670273 BENEFITS OF GOING NO CONTACT: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-still-she-thrives-narcissistic-abuse-toxic-relationships/id1662241353?i=1000611416531   Speaker 1 (00:03): Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies. Let's go protect our peace. (01:00) Hello Queens, it's Christie. Jade, I'm so excited for today's podcast episode. We're going to talk about five proven strategies for co-parenting with a narcissist while protecting your piece. Is that possible? Yes, it is. Well, we're going to try our damnedest. Alright, so you can control your side of things, right? We can't control what they do, but let's dive into the five ways. This is going to be a two part episode because there's a lot to dive into and I wanted to break it up a little bit. So be sure to follow me on whatever podcast platform you are listening. If you're on Apple, if you're on Podbean directly, wherever you are, hit the follow button so you will get a notification so you can get the next episode, the next part of this episode, and then all the following episodes. Yay. Fun. Alright, so let's dive in. (01:59) Number one, you must master the art of detached communication. If you've heard me talk about or other people talk about the gray rock method, that is a way, we'll get to that in a second. But using the Biff method, that's BIFF, is an amazing method to stick to when dealing with narcissists of any kind. But especially when you're in this co-parenting dynamic, you have to, are forced to communicate with them most often. You've got a kid together, you're doing custody, you're doing just the back and forth of this and that. There's a doctor's appointment. You got to pay for the shoes. Alright, so Biff B is for brief, keeping those messages brief. Any of your texts, your emails, any of that, your phone conversations, I highly suggest depending on your situation, avoiding phone if possible. I love everything in writing. We'll get to that too. (03:03) So there's brief, keeping it brief, informative, so we're sharing information when it comes to the kids. We don't need our emotions all going back and forth. We don't need to get into all the fluffy details and just the emotions and everything that's just this bubbling over of stuff that's not necessary. Okay? Informative is key, brief, informative, friendly ish. I say ish because ish, we don't want to be over friendly with these MPHs. So that's civil, basically, and firm. Here's the thing. You got to be firm with your boundaries and we'll get to boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries is number two, spoiler alert, but you want to be firm with how you speak to them. And they love a good weak target. They love a flexible target they can knock over. So you've got to stand firm and confident, and the more you practice, the more it'll come easier. (04:07) It's beautiful. Okay? Document everything. Like I said, I love text, email. If you can go through a third party app like that, I know a lot of my clients end up, we put it in their divorce decrees. You can add things. Whatever you need to do legally, that's a whole separate episode. But really as a zoomed out, look into this, get everything documented, any conversation could end up in court. So keep it calm and factual. No emotion, none of the bs. Okay? Calm to the point. Emotion, free zone. Do not take their bait, okay? Respond. You're sending an email to a coworker, okay? You want it to be polite but detached. There's that word again, we love it. Detached, detached, detached. Okay? I'm not saying this is easy, girl. I've been through it too. I get it. I know it, but I'm on the other side of it and I've become a master at detaching and it is such a freeing feeling. (05:18) Ooh, if I could just let you feel what I feel now that I am detached, it's awesome. So an example of that could be, I'm happy to discuss this during our scheduled time. Please email me your concerns, right? Or let's say even brief, informative, friendly, and firm. Let me see an example of let's say you're meeting up to drop off a child. You don't need to get into, you were supposed to do this last week and I just want to make sure you're going to do this and right. We don't need all that. Just say, I will meet you to pick up Kayla at 4:00 PM at this school, and if you could please bring her shoes, that would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for working with me. Right? The firmness can be in that way too, right? Oh, thank you for, it's like assuming they are going to do what they're supposed to do. (06:19) That's also a little tip, right? Putting that in there. Thanks for being the dad. You're supposed to be without saying that. Okay? Remember too, the power of that gray rock method. Be dull, be boring, and unreactive. I go into this in its own little episode. I will link the description box of the podcast, but when they try to make you take that bait, they trigger you. That is the best way to win. We're winning. We're winning. Alright, number two. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries. Everyone say it with me now. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries. Alright, one of my favorite words in the world setting. (07:04) So you are clearly outlining the rules for communication. Schedule changes, decision-making, like you got to take the reins here you are taking your power back. You are setting clear outlines and narcissists need very clear, clear, clear. No questions because they will take advantage of any room that you give them. That's the same thing with the emails or whatever, right? Anything, when you add unnecessary stuff, they can twist it, they can turn it, they can do all sorts of, you know what I'm talking about? You've been there. The more you give them, the more they will take or twist or make it work for them, whatever. So we got to do simple here. Same with the boundaries. You've just got to create these very crisp and clean outlines of the boundary. Be very clear and you have to stay consistent. So narcissists, push limits. So you have to stay firm in your decisions. (08:06) When they see they can wiggle you, they will wiggle you harder. When they get away with wiggling you, they will wiggle you way more. There's a whole lot of wiggling going on, okay? We don't want wiggles, no wiggles. We want boundaries, not wiggles. And then pick your battles. This is tough too. Once we get into this empowerment zone and we're on this healing journey and we're like, look, I'm free of you and I'm not going to put up with your shit anymore. We can get like, Ooh, I'm going to beat my chest too, right? I get it. The pendulum can sometimes swing to that other side, which is great in ways, but sometimes it cannot serve us because then they get even more defensive, even more wanting to go against us. So not every jab they give and they give a million jabs needs a response. (09:00) And you are also, by doing this, by picking and choosing, you're also guarding your own energy and protecting that lovely golden peace bubble around you that you're trying to form here. If you're just jumping back at every jab they say, taking every jab they give and feeling like you need to call it out or you need to stuff it down or show them you're not taking it anymore, that's also going to be destructive to you and your kids. So you've got to say, is this something I truly need to respond to? Or not even call out, but change, right? Or put the kibosh on. There are plenty of them. You will need that, right? Some, not so much. Some you can just say, noted, they're a clown. Let's keep rolling. (09:50) And then ways to do this with the boundaries. Something like, I'm not available outside our agreed parenting times if they're trying to get you to do X, Y, z or whatever. Thank you for your understanding, right? There she is. Again, the assuming, the best we know, we know. They don't understand. Come on. Like I said, I've been through this. I know, but we're going to say that anyway and keep it all documented because it can always go to court. You have no idea what they can break out next. They got pockets full of all the things. So we're going to end and we're going to do this mantra. So take a breath, a breath, please. I hope you're breathing a deep breath in through the nose and out through the mouth. Hands on heart. That's their chaos. I don't have to engage, repeat. That's their chaos. I don't have to engage. You don't have to engage. Isn't that freeing? You don't have to. Why? Because you are a queen. (11:04) Alright? We will have part two of this where we're going to talk about creating a bulletproof parenting plan. We're going to talk about protecting your kids from this emotional tug of war and prioritizing your own sanity and healing. Those are all good things, right? Okay. So remember, you do not have to match their energy to win. You win by staying calm, collected, and clear. That's how you win. And I'm on the other side, and I am telling you, it definitely is a life changer when you realize, you know what? I don't put up with their shit, but I also don't have to prove myself either, and I don't have to take their bait. I get to protect my peace. So always ask yourself that. Is this something that's protecting my peace? Is this response I'm giving something that is actually protecting my peace? Is it making me feel better or worse? Am I stooping that they're level? If so, we got rewind, redo. All right, I'll see you in the next episode. Don't forget to click the follow button. If you want to work one-on-one, email me or look at my links to sign up for a session. My shit's life changing, okay? I will change your laugh with the help of you. Of course. Alright, see you in the next episode. Bye.

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  12:40
• The 8 Ways to Navigate Narcissistic Parents as an Adult

  Grab your BLUEPRINT to Narcissist Abuse Recovery now! https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ The only course you will ever need to set healthy guilt free boundaries: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ Join our facebook community!! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 My meditations on Insight Timer: https://insig.ht/2Ym63Vh2vRb?utm_source=copy_link&utm_medium=live_stream_share EPISODES MENTIONED: EPISODE ON GREY ROCK METHOD  https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776 EPISODES ON SETTING BOUNDARIES: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-set-boundaries-as-a-people-pleaser/id1662241353?i=1000679893439 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/how-to-set-healthy-boundaries-without-guilt/id1662241353?i=1000697670273 BENEFITS OF GOING NO CONTACT: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/but-still-she-thrives-narcissistic-abuse-toxic-relationships/id1662241353?i=1000611416531 TRANSCRIPT: Speaker 1 (00:00): Oh, I am so excited for this episode. It is highly requested and it's so deep and there's a lot to it. So it took me a while to really get my stuff together. I wanted to make sure that I covered everything and I think I got it. So grab your favorite drink and sit on back. It's going to be some good stuff in here. So take notes too. Get a pen, get a journal, make it fun. Do a little doodle. Who else doodles. Do you still doodle? I'm 45. I still doodle everywhere. Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you want to stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted? (00:54) And mind ed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refuse to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace. (01:31) Alright, so we're going to talk about eight different ways. Eight. I wanted to keep it to five, but I couldn't how to deal with a narcissistic parent. So the first thing is understanding narcissistic behavior. So if you're here, you're already probably trying to do that, and we have episodes. I will link them in the description of the podcast on certain toxic traits to look at different behaviors they have. So you're looking for lack of empathy, manipulation, gaslighting, blame shifting. Do you ever have that where they, as soon as you go to them with something, they will shift it back to you. And in general, emotional abuse and even being super dismissive is maybe some, don't call it abuse, but it is a behavior that is narcissistic and is never fun. It's not healthy when people dismiss you and demean you. Also, knowing this is still part of the narcissistic behavior, but knowing they are unlikely to change their behavior. (02:36) This is something some of you know, right? And you're here and you're kind of like, I know they're not going to change. What can I do? Others of you have hope and I get it. I had hope for someone for a very long time that I could help them change. I could help them see that if they would just listen long enough, they could understand, but they don't seem to want to understand. But I know that deep down, maybe they do right? All of those things that we tell ourselves and we think this way because guess what? Most people we know would be rational people that would be able to change. If you go to them with something, Hey, this is bothering me. Is there a way we can compromise on this so you can change this behavior? A lot of people would love to grow. (03:21) Narcissists do not really want to grow. They don't think anything's wrong with them, and we know deep, deep down they do. But we're talking about day-to-day behaviors. They're not going to accept blame. They're not going to have accountability. If they do, it's from a very desperate place of if you're literally like, I'm going to leave you and divorce you, they may put on a facade of normal behavior as such as, okay, I'm sorry, I'll never do it again. But then the broken promise cycle should show you that they're not going to keep their promises. So focusing on your responses and not fixing them, right? They're not likely to change. So what can you do? And then that'll bring us to step two, which is, well, not step two, but tip two, I guess setting boundaries. One of my favorite words in the world, and some people hate this word, it feels maybe rigid. (04:15) It feels if you're a people pleaser, you really might not like this, right? You're like, oh, I got to set boundaries. I got to stand up and do something. No, you're maybe more passive. I have a strong personality, so I'm a boundary setter. It's a little easier for me than some, but listen to what I have to say. Before you feel like putting on the brakes, you don't want to have to handle setting boundaries. There's a way to do it out of love. And remember that you're protecting yourself, not like trying to stop someone else. That's how I view it. I got to protect my peace. We know all about the peace bubble here at, but still she thrives. Okay, so first you're going to identify what behaviors are unacceptable to me. We just went over some of the gaslighting, all that guilt tripping, Ooh, heck no. (05:02) What about those feelings that maybe you don't even know how to pinpoint, but you know, feel like you're walking on eggshells and we're like, that's a no. That doesn't feel good. Any controlling behavior. This next one, I swear almost every one of my clients, probably all, but I never like to say a hundred percent invalidating your Emos. Can you raise your hand if you're sure. Remember that commercial? No. Raise your hand if the narcissist in your life who in this case is apparent, invalidates your emotions. Or like I said, dismisses them does not give you that cuddly feeling of support whenever you have emotions. They may even say, you're oversensitive, you're crazy, you're dramatic, you're just blah, blah, blah, blah. Right? Okay, so first it's identifying what you're not okay with. Then it's communicating your limits. This is where it gets tricky, but this is what you have to do if you are in touch with your parents, and we'll get to that too later. (06:10) But if you are in touch with them and you feel like you cannot not be in touch with them, which I understand it is very difficult with parents, that is an option to disconnect, but we'll talk about that later. I don't want to discuss this topic is something I in my own life have had to say to a narcissist, right? I will not discuss this topic or I'm not going to however you want to phrase it. I'm not going to discuss this topic another way. If I had someone that would yell at me often, not necessarily a narcissist, but same thing, responding with something like I need space. When you raise your voice. For me, that's a little gentler, but I'm trying to give some gentle responses for those of us who are not where I am at and I am a little more harsh I guess you could call it, but for me more just like it's a truth of mine. (07:10) I am X years old. Listen now it's 45. I will not accept you raising your voice to me. And I actually give a consequence. I say, if that happens again, I'm going to hang up the phone or I'm going to exit the room. I'm going to whatever it is, right? I'm going to leave your house. But I let them know that's not something I'm going to tolerate and the hardest part maybe for many of us is sticking to the boundaries without over explaining or defending them. I won't discuss this topic. The more you discuss why you won't discuss this topic. Let's say you say, I don't want to discuss this topic because I feel this way, and that gives them so much more space to overtalk you, turn things around, convince you that you're wrong, right? Stand in your truth. You've already made the decision, so stick to it. (08:14) I'm not going to discuss this topic. You don't have to overexplain everything. You don't have to defend yourself. This is your truth. It's what you have decided is best for you in your life, and only you can do that. Only you know yourself the best. So yes, they will easily try to shift things. If you give them the room, don't give them the room. Write that in big letters. Don't give them room. This should be short and simple limits, and if you don't want to call 'em boundaries, you can call 'em limits. Make yourself feel a little fluffier, a little better, right? Whatever. It's your preferences, but it's a non-negotiable. It should be a non-negotiable because your peace at this point, honey, if you've been through it and you have a narcissistic parent and you're listening to this and you're either 25, 35, 45, that's decades of dealing with a bunch of Bs you shouldn't have had to deal with. (09:08) It is time for you to say no more, and I am okay with protecting my peace at this point. That's why you are here. You have to act on this. You've got to act on it and live it. Okay? Number three, detaching emotionally. Oh, this is one of the things that can be hard, but once you do it and you feel it for the first time that you're actually able to detach like this, it is the most freeing, just peaceful, calm, almost uncomfortable feeling. You may have never felt it before. If you have had parents that are narcissists or someone in your life for so long, you're like, I don't even know. I could feel like this. First, you want to reduce your emotional dependence on their validation. We talked about they don't validate what I feel you don't need them to. That's what we have to get to. (10:09) And that's not overnight, but we can chalk this down. That's not a saying. I'm making it one. Now we're going to chalk this down where request in the Facebook group, if you're not in it, please join that it's in my description box, but go in there request. Say, Hey, I'd love to hear more details on detaching emotionally or the validation, whatever. So I'm just trying to touch on these so you get a bigger picture and then we can zoom in later. But the dependence on their validation is what keeps you on the string of a narcissist in that web. You want their validation. You've got to let go of that desire and you can do cord cutting meditations even. (10:56) And some people are against those. Look, I was raised Catholic, I'm Christian. I have certain different beliefs of different things, but I'm very much a God person, a Christian person, and I sometimes use those tools like meditations to help me, but it's always in prayer. It's always with God and I say, God, please guide me on this journey. And it's just sometimes good to have a voice guiding me through something like saying, please, and you can just say a prayer if you want, right? God, please help me emotionally detach from needing their validation, right? The next thing is the gray rock method, and I will put that special episode that many love. It's one of my most listen to episodes of the Gray Rock Method. So this is pretty much keeping interactions dull and non-reactive to avoid being a target. Like I said, the more you give them, the more space and words you give to them, they are going to chomp it up. (12:04) They're going to get in there, they're going to twist shit. They're going to confuse you. They make you wonder about yourself, going to make you go to loco in the cocoa. We don't want that. So simple and very short, very basic non-emotional practices. The gray rock method, it's a real method out there and I have a whole podcast episode on it. If you have not listened to that or you need a refresh because we all do, go listen to that. I'll put it in the description box and accepting that they may not acknowledge your feelings or experiences. I say may not, but now I'm out of 10 narcissists. Do not acknowledge your feeling or experiences. If they do, they're probably just doing it for their own benefit. So 10 out of 10 narcissists. Do not acknowledge your feelings or experiences. They're not here for that. (12:59) They're here for them. I call 'em their own up their butt, right? They're just up their own butt. They don't, don't care about your feelings or experiences. They're out for themselves. They want the power. So if they take a millisecond to actually feel or care for you, there goes their power. They think, right? That's not true, that's not rational, but they're not true rational people. Alright, moving on to the fourth, managing guilt and emotional triggers. So expect the guilt tripping, right? The expectations just know what you're getting. This is text to book. What they're going to do, they're going to guilt trip. They are going to emotionally bat you around and manipulate you, right? Expect it and know what to do with it. You say their emotions, their behaviors are not mine and they're not yours to carry. Their emotions aren't yours. Don't take the bait. (13:54) They get all riled up and angry. That doesn't mean you have to get riled up and angry. What do you do? Come on class. What do you do? We learned this already. We say I'm not going to accept this and I'm going to what? Walk away. You have that right baby, okay? Even if it's your parent blood or not, I don't give a, yeah, you have that permission from me and then we want to reframe the guilt. So choosing your wellbeing. It's not selfish, it's self preserving. It's necessary. I'm going to say it again. Choosing your wellbeing. They have made you think it's selfish. They twist everything around to tell you, you are selfish. You are selfish. That is the most frequent thing I heard from my narcissist. You are selfish. You are selfish. It is deflecting. It is them turning what they are onto you. (14:57) It is them trying to make you believe something so that they have the upper hand and it's bullshit and it's necessary to choose your wellbeing, especially when it comes to a narcissist. They will drag you through coals and not care. Okay, five. Here we go. We talked about that. Limiting contact or no contact, so if it's necessary, go very low contact. I feel it's necessary in most cases. Okay, I'm going to give you the options, but I hope you lean toward the more conservative approach of very limited contact if you have a narcissist in your life. Co-parenting is a different story. I know some parenting situations are tricky, but this is minimal controlled interactions. Maybe having a buffer of another person around or my personal favorite is no contact if the relationship is too toxic. If you're here, it probably is no contact and I have an episode about that. (16:05) I'm going to have to try to remember, I'm going to have to listen to this again and put all these episodes in the description box. It's so important and you need to, when you enter limited or no contact for the limited, decide on clear rules for your communication. You get to decide that I just worked on this with a client the other day. We're going to emails only. That's it. That is it. You get to make the rules. Obviously if there's a lawyer involved, this was a co-parenting situation and it was okay. It was agreed upon. Email was okay, they're not going to want it to be okay. They're going to want to have the upper hand and they decide, but you get to decide email only. I prefer that over text, especially over phone. Everything is in writing. You can do it through an app. (16:53) There are apps out there, especially if you're in co-parenting situations. Ask your lawyers to put an addendum on to only speak through certain apps, and that's a great way to have. It's like through a third party. Everything is there. If it goes something legal, all the evidence is there. Get everything in writing and keep it short and sweet. I have literally written a bunch of emails for my clients to their exes just because they felt like they would get emotional. So I'm like, all right, what points do we need? Let's keep it clear, short, concise, and it's worked really beautifully so that definitely get clear on the rules and they can't have unannounced visits, any of that BS no more. And I know I'm talking about exes too. That's because I know a lot of situations, if you have had narcissistic parents, you may have narcissistic exes too. (17:51) That is something that you can give yourself permission to do. I'm only going to communicate with them through this or keep it to a limited time instead of answering all their calls. Say, I can talk to you Sundays at this time. It depends on your situation. That's why all of these situations, look, they're very different. Everyone's going to have a different story, but you can get a general idea of this and if you want to work with me one-on-one, we go into obviously customize plans for everybody. We got blueprints over here, so if you are going low contact, have those rules in place and prepare for backlash. Guess who doesn't like losing control? My queen narcissist. They hate it. It's their least favorite thing. You have to stay firm. (18:44) It's not for the fan of heart, but you are a strong queen. I see you. You're on here for a reason. Just know I'm telling you, no one really told me when I went through all of my stuff earlier in life, a lot of stuff, I've had different layers of it, but one of the biggest ones, no one really told me about the backlash, how severe it would be, and just I wasn't really prepared. I wish I would've been more prepared. So I'm glad you're here. Prepare. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but you have support. You can be in my Facebook group, get support there from other people in your situation. Get support from me and stay firm in your boundaries. So let's go on to number six, strengthening your support system. Speak in a witch. Do an evaluation of your friends. (19:33) You're going to need healthy friends around here. If you're trying to take out the narcissist trash, you're going to need healthy friends supporting you, people who uplift you, people who don't make you question yourself, not people who are mutual friends with these people and are questioning you or family members that might see both sides because they're a flying monkey for the narcissist. None of that. Focus on the support of those. Have your back and that can be friends, that can be family, it can be a therapist, it can be yours, truly over here, Krista, Jade. Hey girl. If you need one-on-one support from someone who really knows what you're going through, I'm all for therapy. I love therapists. You have to have the right one that really knows what they're talking about. So you might have to date around therapy or a support group. There are actual support groups, and then there's my Facebook group. (20:34) Like I said, connect with people who uplift rather than drain you. You don't have time to drain and disturb your peace anymore. We're done, right? Can I get an amen? What? Are you still with me? I'm waking you up. Number seven, prioritizing your healing. Okay? This is the better stuff, right? We have to deal with all that crap and how to navigate this is self-care, okay? Meditation. Guys, if you have not done my four minute meditation, it's a great place to start. You do it every morning, you can do it midday. If you have a few minutes and you do, everyone has a few minutes, go out to your dang car, right? Instead of a water break, smoke break, pee break, hold your pee and meditate. Just kidding, we can all find four minutes, but especially in the morning, you can wake up four minutes earlier. (21:25) I'm telling you, just this tiny meditation will give you a peek into meditation and what it can do for you. I love guided meditations. You can find 'em all over YouTube. I have my own on the insight timer app. I should put that in my description box. I don't think of all the things, but I have multiple ones. I have one's for anxiety, one's for abundance, all sorts of healing, meditations, journaling. If you love to write, write in a journal I write every morning, I pray and then I journal about it, right? Therapy is a form of self-care. Going to some sort of narcissistic help with coach, like a coach like me or somebody else is going to be self-help. Is that a word? Or spiritual practices? Whatever makes you feel good and comfortable, do more of it. Then you want to work on that inner child healing. (22:25) I do this with my coaching, but I also do this with somatic healing. If you don't know, I'm a somatic heal healer, which facilitator, whatever you want to call it, and we heal from the inside out from the body. Somatic means body. Your body remembers everything. So you can do all the mindset stuff in the world. Your body's still going to remember. That's why we go back. We feel like real pumped up for a while, and then we can side back somatic healing, which I love to do both. I love to mix both. So we get both of it. The mindset and the body. You are going to have very lasting results. So inner child healing in whatever modality, right? So you're reparenting yourself with kindness and affirmation, which wouldn't that be nice if we had that. Maybe you did with one parent, but also shifting your mindset from victimhood to empowerment, and I know I might get an ass whooping on this one because I am validating that you were a victim. (23:26) I was a victim. I get it. I went through it. But we shall not use that as our identity. I would prefer you think of yourself as a survivor as empowered and using what happened now to catapult you into the greatest life you can have. Your parent, whoever, whatever narcissist in your life does not define you, okay? Let them have the bullshit. Let them hold that, right? They have the poison. We're going to step, yes, we got sprayed with poison. What are we going to do about it? We're going to spit it back in their damn faces and run. Alright. Number eight, staying grounded in your faith and truth. I am a God person. I don't care what you are. I hope you're God person. I love God. He's a good dude. Sky daddy. He's upstairs. If you want to ever talk to him, you just say, Hey, what's up? (24:28) God, no. If you're spiritual, pray, meditate to stay centered in your truth, not theirs. Again, you're not the one with all the poison that's theirs. Sit in it. Say, I don't have room for you. I don't have time for you. I want nothing to do with this poison and ask God for guidance. Every day I ask God, shine the light of my path, my obedience. Sometimes I say it for obedience to you or the healthy path for me, whatever I'm needing in that moment. Remember God, your higher power, whatever does not call you to suffer but to thrive. He wants you to thrive. We're not here to suffer. I know we may suffer. I get it. I know there's suffering and there's darkness in the world, but sky daddy, I think of him as the best dad out there who wants me to just do all the good things, help all the people be good to myself, help my family break the cycles of abuse, whatever He wants it all for me and for you. (25:41) So what does your God, your higher power want for you? Think about that. Write it down, and then trust yourself, which is hard for people who've gone through abuse. This can be tricky, but try to trust yourself. Your feelings, your needs, your worth are valid. It's all valid, even though it might not feel like it because you had somebody in your life invalidating you over and over and over. We're going to rewrite that. So these are the things. This is like, there's a lot of housing in here, which I will tell you. They say, Christie, don't give away all the how's. That's the whole thing you want to wait for. So you can do that in coaching. Well, I like to give shit away free because I care more about helping you than the dollars in my pocket. Honestly, I want to help as many people as I can, and if you want further, deeper help that I cannot, I'm trying to spit out as much as I can for you here, but whatever I can't get out in this podcast you want to delve deeper into, let me know. (26:51) I will put a link. There's always going to be a link there of how to work with me, whether it's a somatic healing or coaching or both. I will put the link in the top part so you know where to click, and if you want to just email me and chat and just see what kind of help you think you may need, you're kind of lost out there. Email me. My email is always on there too Fierce Mama C, that's me at Gmail. I hope you guys like this episode. I loved it. I think it's really important. I'm like, I love my episode. See what happens when you heal, you get confidence. Yeah, girl, no, I feel good about this because it's been asked for and I wanted to really make sure I covered a lot. If you have more questions, again, that Facebook group is where you want to ask anything, just post on there. Ask, request me to do, delve deeper into maybe self-care. Whatever you want to hear more about, let me know. I love that. And you can also put up your own, what wins have you had this week? (28:00) What have you done in your healing journey? Which one of these eight things are you doing? Maybe you're doing some of them already dealing with your narcissistic parent. That space is a safe space to share and have support from people that are going through the same thing we are. We love that, don't we? I love it. Alright, so that is it for this episode. Of course, I would love to help as many people as possible. I know not everyone can do one-on-one sessions, but that is where you're going to get the customized stuff right? We're going to really get some deep, long lasting healing, and I shift people pretty damn quickly. It's my specialty. I love that about me, but it is, I'm quick myself. One of my best friends calls me Bunny, and because I like to go through things quickly, I'm not going to be sitting. (29:00) I don't want to lay on that couch and cry about shit any more than I have to. I'm going to do it. I think emotions are important. You address them, you honor them, and then you say, this life is short. Let's fucking party. No, that's not what you say. Well, maybe I do. No, I want to thrive. What's my purpose? I want to feel happy again. I want to find the old me that was in there, or I want to find myself for the first time. I want to feel confident. I want to have joy. I want to break the cycle where I know that I'm not going to tolerate anyone else treating me poorly ever again. And I want my kids to see that there's all these things, right? So honor yourself, put your crown on. Let's do some affirmations to end this, okay? All right, we'll do it specific to this topic first. The first one, I am free of getting validation from my parent.  

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  31:10
• How to Set Healthy Boundaries Without Guilt

  Empowered Boundaries Program (mentioned in podcast) https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/   SPECIAL DEAL>> Schedule a 1:1 narcisstic abuse coaching call with me here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ JOIN OTHER WOMEN LIKE YOU IN MY FREE FACEBOOK GROUP! https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989 Free 4 Minute Mood Boost Meditation https://christyjade.ck.page/insider   Grab your #notmyshit Journal on Amazon https://amzn.to/46dDSYk   EMAIL ME! [email protected]   Speaker 1: (00:03) Um, hello ladies. Hello my queens. I have something epic lined up for you. I'm so excited. First, I guess I'll say, you know, welcome to, but still she thrives. There's the official, hello. But I am so excited. I am relaunching my boundaries course with a special bonus for a limited time for a limited amount of people. I don't know when that time is gonna be up. I'm gonna see how many I sell and go from there because I need to have enough space to give this bonus offer this time, which is going to be an hour free one-on-one coaching with me. So you will get that on top of your Epic Boundaries course, which is prerecorded go at your own pace. So it's not like you're rushing around. If you've got a very busy life, it's easy to include in your weekly routine, or if you wanna do bi-weekly, it is dripped out weekly. Speaker 1: (00:57) So one video will come out to your email, directly to your email every week on boundaries. So if you feel like you are somebody who feels stressed out, overwhelmed, not at peace, feeling like relationships are stressing you out, feeling like maybe work is stressing you out, maybe the home life with the kids is stressing you out, odds are you have a issue with setting boundaries or keeping them or even knowing what or how to set boundaries. So my course is all about that, but we're going to touch on a few of those things today. And then, um, the offer will be in the show notes, the podcast description area. Um, so you can go ahead and sign up and if you sign up for a limited time, you will get that one hour one-on-one coaching with me, which it's just gonna be amazing, like the course with me helping you, guiding you on your journey to peace and joy and just ease. Speaker 1: (02:02) Don't we want an easier life? I know I did. And I'm here. So here's my hand. I'm gonna pull you on through and let's dive into the actual episode, shall we? So what are boundaries, right? We hear that word all the time to me, and we're gonna, we're gonna speak queen language today 'cause y'all are some queens. So I want you to picture boundaries like the walls that protect your castle, right? So just as a castle's, walls keep the unwanted out and the good within, that's important too for you to focus on, right? To me, it's protecting your peace. So all the good things you want to stay there and you want to block the negativity from coming and seeping into any even little cracks in your walls, right? So just as you get, you keep that unwanted out and the cherished in the personal boundaries define what you are comfortable with and what crosses the line. Speaker 1: (03:01) So imagine your emotional boundaries as this big protective shield around your emotional wellbeing. So when boundaries has such a negative connotation, and I hate that, I wish there was a more positive association with it, um, for me it is. But for a lot of people it feels like, oh, I'm telling someone what to do. No, you are telling yourself what you will and will not tolerate. And yes, you may communicate that to somebody, but in, in healthy loving boundaries, you're not really telling someone to do. I'll give you a quick example. Um, I had a person in my life that raised their voice a lot at me. And I was a grown adult. I was a grown adult, and I didn't want that to happen anymore. I was used to it. It was my way of life, my whole life. But I woke up one day, I was like, this really has caused me a negative feeling, like a lot, right? Speaker 1: (03:53) So I don't like that. I don't like that feeling. So what do you do about it? I, instead of saying, don't yell at me anymore, you can say, I'm not comfortable with being yelled at. That's not something that I accept in my life anymore. And here is what's going to happen in the future. If you do raise your voice at me, there's nothing I can do about that on your end. But for me, I am going to walk away. I'm gonna hang up the phone, like whatever it is your boundary is gonna be, and we'll get to all of that, especially in the boundaries course where you really customize and learn how to figure out what boundaries you need. And there's also talk in my course about how to set those boundaries with love, right? And where it's not aggressive. So anyway, let's move on. Speaker 1: (04:46) So if you find it hard to say no to, let's say extra work at the office, even when it's affecting your personal time, that might be a sign your time related boundaries need attention. If you feel just spread thin, if you feel like, gosh, I have no time to do anything, and I hear this a lot when my clients come to me, I would say 95% of them say, I just, I don't have time to do that. And by the time they're done with me, they have more free time than they could have dreamt of. Because if you do not have free time in your life, it is because you are not, it may be aware of what's going on. You're not living in alignment with what you truly desire. And so therefore you're not really able to recognize or even know how to set those boundaries. Speaker 1: (05:34) Or maybe you know some of them, but you feel uneasy or guilty about setting them. And we're gonna shift all that mindset in the course. So then you can go on and set them and feel good about it. And you realize it actually improves your relationships. And the relationships. If it does damage certain relationships, those may not be relationships that you want in your life because they're not healthy relationships. So we get into all that too. All the fun, right? So setting healthy boundaries, you have to be very clear and specific. Okay? If a colleague asks you to stay late at work all the time, you could say, I'm happy to help, but I need at least 24 hours notice for overtime requests, right? And again, we'll get into all of these things more deeply. And this is where the one-on-one with me can help. Speaker 1: (06:25) If you have specific situations, you really can't figure out, I am a pro at them. So I love helping with that. Then there's overcoming the boundary challenges, right? Like it's natural to fear that setting boundaries might harm the relationships, but consider this healthy boundaries can actually strengthen them. So let's say you have a friend who always calls late at night, they're disturbing your sleep, but you feel like, oh, I feel bad if I don't answer. Like, you have this urgency to answer. I used to have that in general any time of day or night. I just felt like I had to be accessible all the time to my friends. It was a thing, not anymore, but by sending a boundary kindly, you know, saying something like, I value our friendship, but I do need to maintain a, a healthy sleep schedule. So I could totally chat during the day. Speaker 1: (07:24) Let's say you could even give a specific day. I used to have a specific day. Now it's like when I'm working, I really try hard not to do that unless it's like someone has an emergency or something, right? But I really used to have a day of the week I would pick and I'd be like, you know, Thursdays, if you just wanna chat, just to chat, like, I can totally do that from let's say two to 3:00 PM or whatever. Maybe it's at nighttime while you're waiting for dinner to cook on the stove. And these may seem like, you know, some more silly boundaries, some lighter boundaries. We definitely get into some deeper ones, right? I know a lot of you have gone through abuse. A lot of you come to me, you have just gotten out of really hard relationships and you may need to set boundaries with that person. Speaker 1: (08:11) Um, if you're co-parenting, there's some big boundary setting we have to do there, right? So all of that is something we can work on. So let's, let's talk about somebody who actually went through my program, right? She struggled so much with setting boundaries at her workplace. She used to say yes to everything, everything, if it meant working late, sacrificing her personal time. And this came from her because growing up she really didn't do a lot for herself because she grew up with a parent who was very controlling, um, very, you do everything I say when I do it. And she had no voice in her own life. So she didn't even really know her own voice. When she came to me, we discovered who she was, what she desired, and how to live in alignment with that. And part of that is getting comfortable with and setting new boundaries, right? Speaker 1: (09:17) So after learning about boundaries, she decided to communicate her limits. And not only did she improve her work life balance, but she got more respect from her colleagues. And I have my own little sidebar. Um, when I was in my early twenties, I worked at a television production company. And in the first, gosh, first two weeks, I don't remember exactly, but within the first two weeks, um, this is kind of an embarrassing but funny story. So I actually will go into detail 'cause it's a little entertainment here too. Um, you know, I've always been good at boundaries in certain ways with certain people. I wasn't right? But I always felt like in the workplace, my dad had really, he used to say, here we go, we all in the same pot. That's what he told me. So I was like, yes, I'll respect my elders and all of that, but we're, we're all human, right? Speaker 1: (10:17) Like, I should never be talked down to or yelled at or anything, right? That was something that I just grew up with feeling in a work environment. So I had this new boss and I had asked him to, um, I I was moving out into an apartment and they needed proof that I, you know, had this job, whatever. So they asked him, I mean, I asked him if he could please get back to them. 'cause they had called and he hadn't returned their call, and he kind of blew me off. So I asked, there was like another boss, like a step above him. I asked him, sent him an email with a guy's name. Neither one of them were getting back to him. The guy called, and this was like over the span of a week or so. And so the guy at the apartment building, he contacted me. Speaker 1: (11:11) He said, look, if I don't have this by tomorrow, you're not getting the apartment. So I was like, well, I really wanted this apartment. So I looked in the directory of our huge company, okay? And I typed in human resources. I was like, well, I guess I just go to hr. Maybe that's why they're not responding. Maybe this is an HR thing. So I'll just go to hr. Keep in mind you, I'm fresh out of college. I don't really know how it all works. I just was like, okay, hr. And I saw that there was the president of hr, and I was like, perfect. So I emailed the president of HR and I CC'd the bosses. And my boss, who she didn't, she was like, she wasn't my boss. She was kind of a manager, but not my boss. So I, I couldn't ask her for this, right? Speaker 1: (12:10) Like, she wasn't directly above me. Exactly. Um, but she was in our department and I loved her, whatever. But I put her on the email. I don't even remember why I put her on the email, to be honest. It's so long ago. So, and I ccd the other two bosses who did not get back to the guy. And I wrote to the president of HR and I hit send. And I'm sitting there and I immediately, we were in cubicles and I immediately hear one, one of the bosses, the, like, my direct boss screaming at the top of his lungs. He screamed my name real loud. And, and there were tons of people around us, right? We're in cubicles. There's probably 25, 30 people. And my other, the woman, you know, manager looked at me and she looked at the, she was looking at her screen, she's like, oh, shaking her head. Speaker 1: (13:09) And I was like, oh gosh, did I do something wrong? , I guess so. And so the boss comes running over to my desk, I mean, veins popping red face, not good. And I don't even remember what he yelled, but he was yelling, yelling, yelling at me. And I was humiliated. I mean, I was brand new. All these people were staring at me. He yelled at me and I, I just went, I stormed away, went to the bathroom, I was crying in the bathroom, which was not like me, but I mean, I, that was not comfortable obviously. And I got myself together. And I remember sitting there and I was like, we all in the same pot. Nobody talks to me like that. And I went to him and I said, I, I'd like to speak with you in private, please. And he goes, I don't have time. Speaker 1: (14:06) And so I walked away. So I emailed him and I said, I'd really like to meet with you in private before you leave today. And I knew every, all of our schedule, I think were five or six. And at five o'clock I, like right before five, I see him getting his stuff ready. Like he just ignored my email. So I got up and I walked over to him and I said, I'd really like to meet before you leave. And he was like, God, fine. You know, like he was really annoyed. And so I said, do you wanna go into a quality control suite? We did television, production, quality control, and they had suites that shut. So we went in there and I said to him, I said, what you did to me earlier was not okay. I felt very disrespected and humiliated. I didn't do anything on purpose, obviously. Speaker 1: (14:59) And he was like, you wrote to the president of HR of all of this company. I mean, he is huge company. And I said, well, I don't know. I, the guy said I needed it done, you know, or I wouldn't get the apartment. And so we kind of went back and forth. I, he was still upset, but he calmed down as we talked. And I was like, that just under no circumstance, is that okay to speak to me like that, to speak to anyone like that. It's just not, I was, you know, I wasn't yelling, I was calm, I was just direct. And did I think I could get fired? Sure. Um, but I also have faith. There's this whole faith thing that goes along with me and my mind. And I do believe God will take care of us if we take care of ourselves. Speaker 1: (15:49) And, um, and I'm not saying you have to go about things this way, right? It might be extreme to do that, but maybe having an exit plan and looking for another job. If let's say, you know, you're scared to do something like that 'cause you have kids to support, I totally get that. But it's setting a standard. And I will tell you this, that man never spoke badly to me again. He actually was very kind. He liked me. He would tell people about me. He had used my nickname. He came to love me. And he told me one day, he said, the day that you talked to me in that room made me gain major respect for you. And that kind of hit, you know, because I was, I was scared. I was like, I, this might be it for me here. That sucks. I only made it two weeks. Speaker 1: (16:43) Um, and I wasn't someone to do that. But I, I felt so much in my body that this is not okay and not right that I just had to say something. So all that big story to say between me and my clients, I can tell you people respect you when you respect yourself and when you de demand, not demand, I hate that word, demand respect. But when you don't settle for less than being respected and being treated well, right? People treat you how you let them treat you. And that is true my whole life. Look, the abuse when I was a child, that is something that, you know, yeah, sure, I wish I would've gone to police or whatever, gotten help. But we don't always know, especially as children didn't know what options were out there. But I will tell you, as I got older and out of the house and going through this work, nobody treats me poorly anymore. Speaker 1: (17:38) That just doesn't happen. If it does, it's one time and they're out. Like, you don't get, you don't get chances to poorly behave around me. And I want you all to have this standard for yourself. I'm calling it the bold standard. 'cause you're queens, right? We're all queens. Everyone. Men too. This isn't just like a women empowerment. I mean, I'm all about women obviously, but men need to be treated well too. There are women who treat men horribly. Everybody deserves to be treated well and have high standards for themselves in their lives. You know, don't let anyone treat you like how you would not want your own child treated, right? A lot of us will be like, oh, they can't do that. And so protective of our kids, be protective of yourself as well. Like this life is to be lived in peace, in joy, in freedom and happiness. Speaker 1: (18:38) We're not here to suffer or take, okay? So I would love you to purchase my boundaries. Course it will be life changing. I, I can say everyone who has gone through my course has told me it has changed their lives. And then with that one-on-one coaching session with me that comes with it, this is like, now is the time to get this. So I will put the link in. I want you to really take your boundaries seriously and know you can do it in a way that isn't, you don't have to be a, right? Like there's a whole like association with boundaries or power. And that's. And we don't have time for it. You are loving yourself and all you want is to be treated well. And that's okay. That's more than okay. You deserve that. We all deserve that. Again, we're not here to suffer. Speaker 1: (19:34) That's not why we're here guys. We're here for many, many different reasons. That's a whole other show. But, and to help others. And you can still help others and be selfless in many ways, yet still care for yourself and demand that you be treated well. And again, I hate that word. It's got a negative connotation, but don't settle for less. I'll fluff it up a little bit. Semantics. Semantics. Anyway, this is a little bit of a longer episode, but it's super important. And this is the foundation of having a great life. It's simple. Like a great life is truly created by figuring out what your desires are. Maybe you have to rediscover yourself in the process. I'll do an episode about that. And then setting boundaries with yourself and with other people. There's also, you have to set boundaries with your yourself. If you want your life to align with your desires. What does your day look like? I, if you desire really to travel, but you never travel the, we've gotta fix something that could be a boundary with yourself. Well, what are, are you spending all this money on something else that's really not working toward what you actually want? It just in the moment seems like a good fix. Like, um, binge shopping, just like a, you know, aimlessly walking the aisles or scrolling on Amazon. 'cause you're filling a, a void in the moment. You just guzzling some wine, a coffee addiction that's expensive. Speaker 1: (21:15) Like getting clear on your alignment with what you desire and setting those boundaries to get into that alignment is everything. So I will link all this stuff in my show notes. If you have questions, I'll put my email in there as well. You guys deserve the freaking world. And you can get it. You can live a dream version of your life, if that makes sense, right? Like, can I be Mariah Carey right now? Maybe not, but can I live my dream if I wanna, if I love singing, which I do right now, I'm taking voice lessons, I love it. I'm singing on YouTube. I'm having a good old time, right? Like, there's ways to bring your sparkle back on top of, you know, recreating your boundaries with other people, recreating your life through setting the boundaries and letting the good in filling your life with more of the good it by blocking out the bad, right? Speaker 1: (22:25) Think about it. If you have negative energy and people draining you all the time, how are you gonna really be happy and do more of the good stuff or figure out what you even wanna do? Look like, picture it as a scale, right? You want that happy, happy joy, joy to be way up in the air. We want an imbalanced happy scale . Um, because that negative will just weigh you down, rob you of your energy, rob you of your joy, fill you with anxiety and worry. And y you are going to get more than that. I, if you go through this course, you are gonna learn a lot and you are going, it is invaluable. You are going to change your life. So, alright, I'm just, I'm passionate, obviously I could go on and on. Now I have, I've gone on for another like four minutes. Speaker 1: (23:17) So I will let you go, go click on that, purchase it, get that free call with me, which will pop up at the end of your, don't be worried if it's not there right away. Um, you can get, you can purchase an extra one if you'd like to. Um, there's an option for that to get two calls with me. But at the end, automatically at the end of your course, you get that one-on-one call. So you go through the course and then we can chat, you can, you know, if you have any questions about the course, if you're like, okay, I get it, but I have this specific situation that's tricky, can you help me? Yes. All those things. Or we can just sing and dance, do some yoga. Just kidding. Well, not really. We can do whatever you want with that hour, , but I love you guys. I will see you in the next episode. Smooches and Doses.

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  24:14
• The 5 Minute Meditation Every Woman Healing from Abuse Needs to do Right Now

  GRAB THAT SOMATIC SPARKLE SESSION HERE, QUEEN! https://christyjade.com/somatichealing SPECIAL DEAL>> Schedule a 1:1 narcisstic abuse coaching call with me here: https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/ Suck at Setting Boundaries!? This is for you! https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/ FREE STUFF! Join my free facebook group here: https://facebook.com/groups/christyjade 4 Minute Empowerment Meditation: https://christyjade.ck.page/insider Love to journal? https://christyjade.com/somatichealing In this 5-minute meditation, the speaker Christy Jade guides listeners through a series of breathing exercises and affirmations to help regulate the nervous system and promote feelings of peace, safety, and self-empowerment.   Speaker 1 (00:01): Hello Queens. It is Kristi Jade with, but still she thrives. And today I'm so excited we have a mini episode. I've been doing these, I'm going to start trying to do them even more so you guys can build a little collection, a little library of under five minute meditations, breath work, things to really regulate your nervous system because when you've been through some shit like we have, that's what we need to do. We need to maintain through regulation, right? So in between my regular kind of talky episodes, I'm going to be doing these. So let me know in the Facebook group if you are enjoying them and if you have any recommendations that you would like me to do. So don't forget, that's always in the podcast description along with all the ways to work with me and all the fun freebies. So always go check that out after you're done listening. So let's start out taking a breath. I need to take a breath. I'm always talking fast. So let's take a nice inhale through the nose and exhale slowly. (01:09) And if you want to close your eyes, only do that. If you're not driving or you don't need to be seeing anything, hopefully you're in a quiet space doing this. Rest your eyes, rest your body, breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. Breathe in deeply and feel that air fill your lungs expanding through your shoulders. Hold it and let it go. With each inhale, imagine this beautiful, golden, peaceful, warm light filling you with this calm energy. And when you exhale, release the tension of the day, the tension that builds up any doubt you're having about yourself. Any fears. I know we got a lot from all the stuff we've gone through. There are definitely going to be some anxieties, but this is where we let them float away. In this moment, let yourself feel at peace and we'll do one more inhale, filling up that peace bubble all around you. Hold it and exhale, releasing all that no longer serves you. Okay? Now bring your attention to your body. Feel the ground beneath you. Whether you're sitting, standing, laying, you are steady. You are safe in this moment. And I'd love you to repeat out loud if you can. After me, I'll say it, then you can repeat it. I am here. (02:58) I am whole. I am stronger than I know. And let these words really settle into your heart. You have already survived so much and you're still here. You're still standing. And you're not just standing. You thriving, right? We're thriving over here. Okay? Now imagine this soft, fluffy, warm light. This is God's love. Peace, the wisdom you have from what you've been through. It is within you always right? You have this. You aren't alone in this darkness. You have this light. And now I want you to take a little minute to listen. Just be in this peace bubble, this golden warm peace bubble, and just listen and ask God, if you are not a God person, that's fine. Just ask your higher self, whatever. What do I need to hear in this moment? And let yourself sit and just feel, hear whatever comes up. Trust it. Don't overthink it. I know what you're doing. (04:20) This is your inner sparkle, that intuition, and it's going to be guiding you. Let whatever comes up, come up. It may be a word, it may be a feeling, it may be some sort of vision, some sort of shape or color. And in a deeper meditation, you can go deeper into that. But for now, just let it come. Just see it. Be with it after something comes up, whatever it is, say thank you. Thank you, God. Thank you, universe. Take that big inhale in and exhale. And you're going to repeat after me. I am safe. I am strong. (05:22) I am divinely guided, and I am ready to rise. Because why? Because I'm a queen. We have to always add that one in there. When you're ready, open your eyes. Carry this peace bubble with you today, feeling that warmth, that glow. That's your glow, baby. You look good in glow. All right? Now remember, if you want to do more resetting your body, that nervous system calibration, somatic healing is an amazing, amazing solution from the inside. Healing from the inside, not just the mindset work, which is beautiful, but somatic healing, which I'm doing, I am offering right now. And you can go to my website, it's christie jade.com and then slash somatic healing. That will always be in my podcast notes too. But right now, it is at the beautiful, beautiful price of one 11. I usually have it at 1 33. So you're going to get a little discount for being here with me today. So you can go on there, sign up for a session. I guarantee you'll feel amazing afterwards. You can read all about it. There's a page. You can read more details to know more information. But this is the type of stuff we need to do to find the piece, to feel the piece, to rewrite what has happened, to undo the damage. It can be done. (07:04) I am proof. I am proof here. So I'm going to leave this, try to make it a short, I know it's only five minutes, but I blab a little bit because I really want you to understand how important this work is. The little meditations doing yoga. Whatever you can do to feed your body, your mind, your spirit, it's going to help and hydrate. Girl, where's your water? Okay, so if you want to do a session, go grab a session with me. We're going to have so much fun. It's me. We're going to have fun and heal. It's the best of both worlds. So also, the next episode I am going to do, because I've gotten a few requests on this, is navigating narcissistic parents. Are you ready for that? I have not touched on that. So make sure you're following me. Subscribe, whatever you got to do on the podcast platform of your preference. (07:58) So you get notified when I have new episodes out. I'm telling you what's coming up this year is going to be fire. It is going to be amazing. We have so much awesome stuff. It's about to blow your roof off. So I hope you enjoyed this. Remember to save these episodes, go back and just grab, when you got five minutes, go grab your golden glow, right? And you get to hear my weird voice in the background. It's perfect. All right, love you guys. Don't forget you are thriving, you are amazing. You're a queen. And don't let anyone make you feel otherwise. See you in the next one.

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  8:33

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